What she REALLY means

I took one of my friends little facebook notes and. . . corrected it and I thought it came out pretty well. The result is:


Think women are so "difficult" to understand? No they're not, you're just a stupid pussy. Allow your old buddy Eric to walk you through some of women's most common catchphrases.



1) "im gay"
She really means: "I don't find you that attractive, sir. I'm not actually gay, but I did dabble in some 'lesbian-esque' activities with my girlfriends that I won't be telling anyone with a penis about anytime soon."

2) be in da bed bout ta go ta sleep and i say "its hot"
She really means: "If you don't take advantage of me, I'm telling everyone you're a fag."

3) "im not ova mii ex yet"
She really means: "Don't be surprised if he leaves any comments on my myspace that includes the words 'pussy', 'dick', 'my house', 'blowjob', 'your face', 'tomorrow' or 'fuck that other nigga'"

4) "nigga i dont need you"
She really means: "I'm going to bitch the shit out of you right now, but soon as I'm all emotional and shit, don't bring up the fact that I just said this."

5) "i be gettin bored wit u"
She really means: "I had another man's dick all in my mouth yesterday because he took me to Cheesecake Factory. What are you gonna do about it?"

6) "i dont see why we cant just go..."
She really means: "This is your last chance to take me out. You know what? I should've fucked your best friend. I really should've. He look like Trey Songz, too."

7) "You frontin"
She really means: "Why are you doing what I'm supposed to do? You caught me off guard with that shit. I'm gonna be right back after I figure out how pissed I'm supposed to be"

8) "im not like these otha bitches out here"
She really means: "Yeah, I am"

9) "It's a long story." (tj)
She really means: "It involves gratuitous amounts of sex. Probably a train or a g of some short. Hell, it might've happened this morning, but you'll never know."

10) "u can try ta talk ta my homegirl but idk wat she gon say"
She really means: "You go ahead and take the chance, but don't come back over here. I got my eyes on your Trey Songz looking friend."

11) "yea mii homegirl mad cool"
She really means: "My friend + one blunt + 3 cups of Jack Daniels mixed with anything = Story for your friends tomorrow"

12) After being rejected..."oh ard i jis thought we was cool anywayz"
She really means: "YOU BITCH. YOU FUCKED UP HARD."

13) "i wanna take it slow"
She really means: "Keep your hands away from my jeans. Unless you tryna wife, you get tit action only."

14) "i need an around da way nigga"
She really means: "I really don't feel like traveling for some cock. I need a fine, young fellow in the immediate vicinity who is adequate for my needs."

15) "Yea, i guess you're right." (tj)
She really means: "You're wrong. You're wrong as shit. I just don't feel like talking about it anymore."

16) "Thats not what I meant."
She really means: "That's totally what I meant, but I was hoping you would bitch up. I kinda see how Rihanna feels."

17) When i'm CLEARLY mad but i say "I'm fine" or "It's whatever", etc. (tj)
She really means: "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Shut up. Shut up."

18) "Can we talk about this later?" (tj)
She really means:" Let's never talk about this again."

19) "yea ok'
She really means: "We'll see about that shit next week."

20) "Did you cum?"
She really means: "I know you didn't. When guys cum, you shoot shit out your dick and shake and growl like a monkey. I just want you to get off me. I'm not even wet anymore, it's chafing."


Authored by Kiera Hawkins and "TJ"
Revised by Eric Richardson

The shit me and my little brother talk about on the phone

These are excerpts from an actual phone conversation between me and my brother.

=========================================================
Me: I ain't even gonna lie, Keri Hilson sexy as shit

Terrell: Yeah

Me: I'd skeet on her elbows
==========================================================
(Talking about Lil Wayne)
Me: . . . and he got a Marilyn Monroe

Terrell: He got one on his eyebrow, too

Me: WHAT?
==========================================================
(Talking about him talking to a 20 year old((He's 17)))
Me: She gon go to jail

Terrell: Nobody said anything about you and Jasmine

Me: Nigga, she less than a year older than me!
==========================================================
(Lil Wayne again)
Terrell: He outta control, man

Me: Yeah, his fans keep saying "Yeah, keep drinking Syrup and-

Terrell: Nah, I'm talking about me
==========================================================
(Talking about how much fun our little brother Kyree is)
Me: No, he's not

Terrell: Yeah, he is

Me: He's about as fun as getting a needle in the scrotum
==========================================================
Me: gamaluhhemmmm

Terell: What?

Me: gamallauhgemmmmm

Terrell: Yo, I got you. You lucky I can't. . . I got you
=========================================================
Terrell: Ma, give me a hug

Me: Aw, yo a mama's boy

Terrell: Ya mama a mama's boy!
=========================================================
Terrell: C'mon, ma. C'mon, ma. C'mon, ma.

Me: Yo sound like he hollering at a chick.
=========================================================
Me:. . . Man, let me click over real quick

Terrell: Yeah, click over, bitch!

Me: Nig-. . . Grrrrrrr.
=========================================================
Me: Play Cloths drops tonight!

Terrell: What's that?

Me: The Clipse clothing line.

Terrell: Hold on, dyke.

Me: Oh, word?
=========================================================
(Talking about trying to get him an Xbox 360 for Christmas)
Me: I gotta see if Daddy gonna put up some money for it

Terrell: You're the biggest big brother with the biggest big back in the world!
=========================================================
Terrell: Yo, you need to get me a lime green skully

Me: Why? So you can look like a highlighter?
=========================================================
(Talking about a chick that had the least ass I've ever seen)
Me: Yo, I think she should just let a bunch of black guys stand in a line and she walks down it and let them spit on her.
=========================================================
(Talking to Theardra, Terrell's ex-girlfriend on three-way)
Me: Word, Theardra, you pregnant?

Theardra: Yeah, a while ago me and Terrell spent a night together, I woke up and I threw up-

Me: LOL
==========================================================
(I asked Theardra how her mom was doing and Terrell assumed I had ulterior motives)
Terrell: You don't know Eric

Me: What do you mean? I'm a completely trustworthy male

Terrell: No, you're not! Suck a fat one!

Me: That was rude
==========================================================
Terrell: Yo, this Gucci Mane song be rocking

Me: Yo, get out of my face with that Gucci Mane shit.
==========================================================
Me: Yo, her friend ******* sexy as shit

Terrell: Aight, yo-

Me: I just wanna, like, crawl in her bed.
==========================================================
Terrell: You gonna be mad when you hear this.

Me: What is you talking about?

(Music playing)

Me: I don't even know what that is

(Finally hears song)

Me: No this nigga not over here listening to the MOTHERFUCKINGTINGTINGS.
==========================================================
(Singing along with Anyway, that Kanye West song)
Terrell: Eric, why are you so paranoid?

Me: Get the FUCK OUT MY FACE
==========================================================




That's him. Heeeee's a dork.