The Day After Tomorrow

- Man, Baltimore got hit with two big ass snow storms two weeks ago, but so did the rest of the northeast of America.

- I went to spend a night over my baby mama/future fiancee house and the damn power went out that night.

- The next day we trudged 1 and half miles through about 2 feet of snow during the blizzard to take E3 to my house. That shit was like something out of an adventure book. I almost didn't make it.

- I had to take his ass in the house, then turn around and get Jasmine, moving like a turtle out this ho.

- I like how it was like 3 feet of snow outside, but all of the liquor stores were still open. Not that I'm complaining.

- Some douche bag left his van in the middle of our street to go to Super Bowl party. That bitch was there for four days.

- Me and a bunch of my neighbors ended up shoveling most of the street so people can get their cars out.

- Speaking of cars, I got my license. Too bad I don't have a car.

- I could steal one, it's in my blood.

- My mom's going to read that and snitch on me.

- I've considered putting out a mixtape. In all seriousness.

- I mean, I always talk about how much rappers suck, so why not prove I wouldn't suck.

- Stop laughing.

- My son can crawl now. He can also slap you back if you hit his hand.

- I see him getting punished a lot in his future.

HUGE THUMBTACKS

- I'm an asshole.

- Maaaan, I had to wear some tight pants at work today. I was trying to surprise one of my co-workers and when I crouched under an obstacle to get to her, my massive man-thighs caused my khakis to give way and produced a vicious rip down the left side of my pants.

- That's embarassing, bitch.

- I had to "store use" some pants, meaning I had to pick some off of the clearance rack.

- I ended up getting these pants that leave me no crotch room and barely fit around my legs.

- It felt like my dick was in jail.

- I need new work pants.

- Yo, we have this customer that comes in all the time that picks a vacuum up for repair and turns one in.

- The vacuum cleaners stay looking like shit when they bring them in.

- It looks like they beat people with them.

- I also got on the bus today and there was a girl who's ass was literally popping out the bottom of her shorts.

- I was infatuated until she got off.

- I also had a girl eyefuck me after I helped her grandparents.

- My job is awesome sometimes.

- She was of age.

Baby Shower Pictures

Jasmine's going to complain about this picture, but she can do that on her own blog.





My mom came up with the idea for the two babies and the little stuff around them. I'm just glad the cake survived long enough to get there.





That's my cousin Brandon.





I was barely there 10 minutes and I got a stain on my shirt.





3 girls, 1 baby





Terrell and our father's mom.





That's my mom, my aunt Nita (in unseen part of the picture) and Jasmine's aunts Tina and Debbie.





That's my dad and my grandmother, Mary.





My grandma Beverly, my mom and Mama Mary. That's Alicia in the back there.


That's it. Be happy until the baby's born.

Man vs. Food

So, yesterday while I was reading the Digital Ape blog, I read a post by Ape James that linked to a website called This is Why You're Fat. It listed and pictured all kinds of food that would probably cause morbidly obese people to jizz their underwear.



After looking at some of the foods James had posted, I suddenly remembered that I always wanted to try a Luther burger. If you've never heard of the Luther burger, it was made popular by an episode of the Boondocks where Grandpa Freeman got his own restaurant and sold the infamous burger. It is basically a bacon cheeseburger with the buns replaced by glazed donuts. I was delighted at the idea.


So, I proceeded to cook the bacon. . .



Then the cheeseburger. . .



and voila, the Luther burger!



I began to chow down on the behemoth of saturated fat and enjoyed it's juicy, sweet, beefy flavor.



Halfway through the trans fat titan I felt my heart crying. My arteries went into overload to prepare for the clogging that will take place soon. I began to wonder if making this 4-digit calorie monster was worth it. Once I finished my heart-stopping friend, I proceeded to succumb to the symptoms of. . . the itis.



5 minutes after finishing. . .



10 minutes after finishing. . .



12 minutes after finishing. . .



35 minutes after finishing. . .





As you can see, after removing the excess food from my digestive system, this unhealthy demon now has room to destroy my system and exit from my body another day.

I can feel my tits growing a full cup size as I type.

The E-Rich Show starring

Eric as E-Rich

That's me. Sexiest man on the planet who at times transforms into Action Bastard.



Lashawn as Mom

That's my mother. An intelligent woman who oft-times influences my decisions. Also where I get half of my humor from.



Eric Sr. as Dad

My father. An intelligent man who oft-times influences my desicions. Where I got the other half of my humor from.



Jasmine as "Baby Mama"

The woman whom I've been in a 2 year relationship and is now bearing my child. She's a butthole.



Eugene as Malcolm Maximillion

sidekick of Action BastardFriend of E-Rich. Creates beats and does other stuff, like live with his girlfriend.



Terrell as T-Jay

The troublemaking, womanizing younger brother. He's so awesome. Or something.



Kyree as Kyzilla

The youngest brother. Pain in the butt I love him so much.

Gamer x Dad

First, I'm glad everyone sees Kanye how I do right now. I figured someone would think I was hating or being fruity for paying more attention to Kanye's outfit than Amber Rose, but Amber Rose gets her own time later. (Sperm-Friendly 2 coming later. Way later.)

So, I realized today when I suddenly wanted to buy Street Fighter IV that I'm going to have to slow down on the game uptake once the baby is here. That's difficult as shit to come to terms with. I mean, all of the good games come out this year. Tekken 6, God of War III, Infamous, Killzone 2. Not that I won't be able to buy them, but I'm not going to be able to get them soon as they come out, which is my shit.

I do, however, appreciate the fact that I'll get to craft my child's love of video games and hope that it's like mine. I would feel the same way as a dad who primed their child to grow up to play basketball or some other unisex sport or hobby that they partook in when they were younger(Is partook a word? the word processor didn't say shit, so meh).

I want to type more, but I have to take Kyree, my demon-seed younger brother, out for a walk. He turned 11, yesterday, but that doesn't keep him from being a thorn in my scrotum. He's autistic if I didn't mention it, but don't feel all bad. He's still a butthole.

Thanks a lot, Jasmine

Well, I was hoping I'd keep this a secret until I could take actual pictures of it, but my girlfriend decided to write a blog about it.

I'm gonna be a father soon.

Yes, my magnificence will now be taking the form of an infant in several months and to tell the truth, I'm not really scared. I mean, I look on the bright side of it, It's not like I'm still in high school. I'm actually older than my father was when he got my mom pregnant (I'll be 20 in over a month) and most of my family that I've told so far has been supportive and some even excited.

So, while being my same painfully honest, nerdy self I'll keep you posted on the upcoming baby. Being that a hefty amount of my followers are women, I'm sure you'll love that shit.

You can see my girlfriend's "pregnancy blog" right here.

Speakerboxxin Pics

I took all of these. Yes, I did.