Display Names That Make Me LOL

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Man vs. Food

So, yesterday while I was reading the Digital Ape blog, I read a post by Ape James that linked to a website called This is Why You're Fat. It listed and pictured all kinds of food that would probably cause morbidly obese people to jizz their underwear.



After looking at some of the foods James had posted, I suddenly remembered that I always wanted to try a Luther burger. If you've never heard of the Luther burger, it was made popular by an episode of the Boondocks where Grandpa Freeman got his own restaurant and sold the infamous burger. It is basically a bacon cheeseburger with the buns replaced by glazed donuts. I was delighted at the idea.


So, I proceeded to cook the bacon. . .



Then the cheeseburger. . .



and voila, the Luther burger!



I began to chow down on the behemoth of saturated fat and enjoyed it's juicy, sweet, beefy flavor.



Halfway through the trans fat titan I felt my heart crying. My arteries went into overload to prepare for the clogging that will take place soon. I began to wonder if making this 4-digit calorie monster was worth it. Once I finished my heart-stopping friend, I proceeded to succumb to the symptoms of. . . the itis.



5 minutes after finishing. . .



10 minutes after finishing. . .



12 minutes after finishing. . .



35 minutes after finishing. . .





As you can see, after removing the excess food from my digestive system, this unhealthy demon now has room to destroy my system and exit from my body another day.

I can feel my tits growing a full cup size as I type.

This Would Be Like Letting Lupe Fiasco Give Me Facial Reconstruction

I don't know what level of dick-ridery or loyalty this has to be, but I don't give a shit how cool I think you are, you can't touch my face if you barely have tattoo experience. Apparently, Wayne has approximately two weeks of tattooing experience and Tyga thinks it is a good idea to let him tattoo his face because, I assume, he's his boss. He has three dots which are supposed to mean "laugh, then cry" or some retarded shit. Fuck that.

If I ever get a tattoo, you're going to know exactly what it is. I don't want people asking me what my tattoo means, so nothing in Japanese or some symbol or some other lame trash like that.