Man vs. Food

So, yesterday while I was reading the Digital Ape blog, I read a post by Ape James that linked to a website called This is Why You're Fat. It listed and pictured all kinds of food that would probably cause morbidly obese people to jizz their underwear.



After looking at some of the foods James had posted, I suddenly remembered that I always wanted to try a Luther burger. If you've never heard of the Luther burger, it was made popular by an episode of the Boondocks where Grandpa Freeman got his own restaurant and sold the infamous burger. It is basically a bacon cheeseburger with the buns replaced by glazed donuts. I was delighted at the idea.


So, I proceeded to cook the bacon. . .



Then the cheeseburger. . .



and voila, the Luther burger!



I began to chow down on the behemoth of saturated fat and enjoyed it's juicy, sweet, beefy flavor.



Halfway through the trans fat titan I felt my heart crying. My arteries went into overload to prepare for the clogging that will take place soon. I began to wonder if making this 4-digit calorie monster was worth it. Once I finished my heart-stopping friend, I proceeded to succumb to the symptoms of. . . the itis.



5 minutes after finishing. . .



10 minutes after finishing. . .



12 minutes after finishing. . .



35 minutes after finishing. . .





As you can see, after removing the excess food from my digestive system, this unhealthy demon now has room to destroy my system and exit from my body another day.

I can feel my tits growing a full cup size as I type.

I Just Flew in From My Bedroom and, Boy, Are My Arms Tired

I don't know. I can't sleep. I had a retarded. . . thing, I don't know, with my girlfriend a while ago that I'd rather not talk about because it's severely embarassing. It's not sex or anything, just something I'd rather keep to myself. I figured I'd just post random facts and other bullshit about myself.

- Last night, as in the night of January 3rd, I polished off a medium pizza, 6 golden honey bbq wings and a strawberry cheesecake all by myself in less than an hour. I don't feel guilty at all.

- My dream car is a Lamborghini Gallardo. They swallow gas like fuel sluts, but who gives a shit? It's my dream car.

- My favorite animal, which I just realized, like, last year, is the shark. Preferably a great white shark since they're the common face of sharks.

- I'm not one to get irritated easily, but if you find one of my buttons and push it, you'll find I'm an asshole. Extremely. Thanks to my short but difficult to find fuse, I can often make rash decisions and regret them later. *sigh*

- I make beats and rap, somewhat. Seriously, that was pointless. Who knows any black males that don't rap or make beats?

- I've decided, finally, that my lifetime fanship of an out-of-state football team would go to the Philadelphia Eagles. I liked them one season and they actually went all the way to the Super Bowl, but then they lost. This also happened with the Raiders, Rams and the Seahawks, so I just said "fuck it". But now, yeah, I think I'll go with the Eagles since they're the only team that lost the Super Bowl and didn't suck balls afterwards. Go Ravens.

- I like Totally Spies. If you don't know what that is, then don't bother me about it.

- I've know Malcolm Maximillion since 7th grade. Now that I look back on it, that's a long ass time. Mmm, 7th grade. Mmm, Kristian with the phat ass. I know somehow she's going to find my blog and see that. I'm not taking it back. Her ass is great.

- I can't think of my one favorite movie, but some of my favorites are All Dogs Go to Heaven, Akira, Sin City, Ninja Scroll and Kung Pow. I might remember more later.

- I find a way to curse profusely. Not on purpose, though. The more excited/angry I am, the more profanities per sentence I seem to manage. For example:

"What are you doing?"
"I'm fucking playing fucking Dead Space and this dammit-ass fucking monster won't stop fucking chasing me and shit."

I think I've actually said that once.

- Speaking of cursing, I tend to end stuff with "and shit" a lot when talking. "Happy Birthday and shit" "I'm in the house and shit" "I gotta pee and shit" "I wish you would stop talking and shit" "I fucking hate the Steelers and shit"

- Other words I use a lot:

Totally
Mollywhop
Shradunkel
Snatch(as in VUHgina)
Word?
Broad(s)

- I like breasts. I think I said that somewhere already.

- I don't like horror movies. I'm glad I got that out there. I do, however, love zombie movies.

- I have AIDS. An Incredible Dick Size! Ho! You can keep that. It's a keeper. Use that at parties. Unless there's someone there that actually has AIDS, then keep that to yourself. . . Like real AIDS.

- I love spicy foods, but I have acid reflux, so it's either spicy pleasure or a healthy esophagus. Maaaaaan, fuck my esophagus.

- I SHOULD BE SLEEP RIGHT NOW!

This should win best billboard of ever

ELL OH ELL