*S.A.F.O. (or **GTFOHWTS)

So, right, I have this co-worker and shit and this motherfucker is starting to pluck my nerves. The dude, he's like, in his late 30's and all he talks about is fucking wrestling and unfunny jokes. This isn't why he's getting on my nerves, but I'll get to that. He also smells like pissy cardboard, but that's neither here nor there.

Now, when I first started working at (insert company name here) a co-worker who works in automotive tells me "Watch out for (insert annoying motherfucker's name here). He's a snitch." I took heed, of course, but I didn't know the depth of his tattle-tale ways at that point. Let's fast forward to recently.

Now, my manager talks to me focusing more on work and blah blah dick fuck marshmallow ass and I'm like "Cool, whatever. Let's work." At this point, I'm making even more of an effort at my job to look like a "good worker". Unfortunately, the following Sunday, I have to work with old snitchbitch. I spent about twenty minutes outside of my work area trying to get a rack for us to hang clothes on and this nigga pages me over the intercom system like three times. I, personally, have a beef with being treated like a kid, so I ignored him and came back when I was finish. The day goes pretty normal until Monday afternoon.

So I come in and there's a note on the MPU board for me saying what I'm supposed to do and shit when I notice that our lead put something at the bottom. It said something like "Eric has a lot of work to do in the back, being that he didn't do any work on Sunday". First off, that's hogwash because I spent at least 80 percent of my day opening boxes and shit. Second, I know that snitchbitch told her this lie because she doesn't work weekends.

In response, I decided to write a little note of my own, scratching out that bullshit and writing "This is complete and utter tripe. I was, in fact, in the back doing work, despite what (SnitchyMcLiarface) may have claimed." I also noticed that on our board that we have to check off to show what we did, this nigga checked off all of his shit and then wrote in mine "Was on sales floor, not in MPU". Of course, I'm pissed now. If I wasn't actually doing work, I wouldn't care as much, but when I actually put in work and someone starts discrediting me, I don't like that shit. So I then wrote "What is this trash? I would like to see the footage of me on the floor not doing work because this is news to me. I feel that a man in his late 30's making unfounded claims is very immature and offensive." I did actually write that, I didn't edit this shit to make myself sound like a rebel.

I left that up there for our lead to see and I guess she read it. I also found out that (Sir Snitchalot) doesn't trust me with the keys that I need to unlock the TV cage. Now, I need these keys so I can get the shit out in the five minutes that we have to get it without giving up a coupon. Every time this fucker goes on lunch or leaves, he's all "I'm gonna put these keys in the office" knowing damn well I need them. Now, rules are that anyone can carry the keys, as long as they sign them out. I found out from another worker that apparently this fucker doesn't trust me. Now, I could say because I'm black. I will say that shit.

I used to be all nice to this dude because he was weird and standing up for him when everyone said he was retarded, but now my sympathy is dwindling. Can you believe this stool pigeon tried to give me a fist bump the Friday after he tried to get me in trouble? The audacity.

I have insisted that I'm going to start treating him like a bitch, since that's what works for him. I mean, everyone treats him like a fuckboy. The manager, our lead, our co-workers, everyone. I don't know if my lead is angry at me for being a "smart-ass" or whatever, but I think she's trying to put me on fuckboy status, too, which I don't approve of. See, my availability is 10 am until 3 p.m. on Saturdays. Now they're trying to make me come in earlier. Like, 8 am early tomorrow.

LOL

*S.A.F.O. = Suck a fat one

**GTFOHWTS = Get the fuck outta here with that shit

Avatar: The Last Crack Dealer

Avatar: The Last Crack Dealer


You should watch it because it's funny and I don't post not funny videos.

For the Fellas That Still Think Booking Females on the Internet is for Nerds

Stolen from G-Ron by the way.



I didn't want to just steal his video for the people that read my blog, so I have something to say about each of these poor bastards.


1. Mr. "PLEASE!?" - This just comes off really pathetic. When a chick says "No", you should take it for its most popular connotation, which is fucking "No".

2. Mr. "So you can't have friends?" - What the fuck is this shit about? Many a nigga has tried this stunt on my girl, so I asked her if I could record an audio message on her phone saying "Hello, this is her boyfriend saying no, she can't have friends with penises that she has not known prior to March 23, 2007, you lame ass nigga."

3. Mr. "Damn! She isn't going to call me!" - Now, I understand this one. When a chick says "I'll take your number, though", it's basically the easiest way to let a dude down since you're not actually saying something negative. Men, however, have realized over the years that it means "There is a very small chance I'm going to call you, so don't hold your breath."

4. Mr. "FLIP THE SCRIPT" - These are by far the worse perpetrators of failing to bounce back from rejection. Instead of saying "That's cool" and going on to find other fish in the sea with coochies he wants to have sex with, he cusses out the chick that turned him down. You can't try to get a woman's number and then turn around and say "Fuck you, bitch! You ugly anyway!" That's like offering someone some food, then when they say "No thanks" you start telling them "Yo fat ass don't need it anyway!" I understand that the whole thing is a ploy to wound her pride as much as she wounded yours, but dude, grow the fuck up.

5. Mr. "Not taking no for an answer" - That nigga's a criminal. If you can manage to call the police, he will dissipate because he surely has existing warrants. He probably also has a shower daddy who's feeling lonely without his old cellmate/butt buddy.

YOU KNOW I STAY HYPE!

-I'm listening to Wendy Williams dookie on Bow Wow. I heard he caught a bitch fit when Sandra Rose, Queen of Haters, questioned his relevance.

- Yeah, so, Lil Bow Wow been fell off. Soulja Boy verse > Bow Wow's on "Marco Polo". That's rock bottom right there.

- Not to mention him and Jermaine Dupri's ode to bromance.

- Then again, if he keeps kicking it with Soulja Boy and Gucci Mane, he might start rapping like them and funnel their fan base to himself. Who knows?

- This waiting for the baby shit is killing me! I know in four months I'm going to wish he was back in the womb.

- I've been posting too many videos lately.

- My team won that damn carbon emissions debate I was stressing about. I really thought we weren't going to win.

- Ha! Cap and trade >>> Hybrid cars.

- I feel like I can't say I listen to Charles Hamilton out loud anymore, but I still do because, you know, fuck you then.

- I'm sure some people saw a small problem on the day after my birthday and I assure you it's taken care of.

- Thanks to $port.

- You guys can leave comments on Jasmine's blog. I won't get mad. She does say some personal stuff on there.

- Like, about my genitalia.

- Should I get some Chick-Fil-A today? Those waffle fries are piff.

- Now I'm watching Unforgivable. That shit is hilarious.

- "Nigga wit a mop-top spoke up. Nigga had on Abercrombie!"

- I love this dude.

- If you said a pause should be right there, then you're calling me gay and I'd like it if you didn't read my blog.

- "Bitch, I don't want no Mike and Ike's. . . I want yo butthole!"

- Where does he come up with this shit?

- "She said 'who you gonna vote for, Ricky?'"
"They're the same devil, bitch! They both like triangles. Bitch, they in love with shapes!"

- I hope no one in my gender and women's studies finds out I think this is funny.

Mario blacks on Peach

If you don't find this funny, you're either a feminist or a fat turtle.

Display Names That Make Me LOL

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Tom Green Blacked on Fox News

This is like the Canadian spoken word version of "Sly Fox". Is it bad I've watched this like 6 times?

So, I Just Happened to Search Vagina on Photobucket

I swear, I have a totally legitimate reason for doing so. These pictures, however, just made me laugh. Especially the first one.















I swear I'm doing this more often.

So Bad It's Funny - The Youtube videos

I subscribed to her because her videos are hilarious, but she deleted most of the good ones. She, I believe, thinks she is seductive with her dance moves, which is wrong because I'm not aroused at all. Not even a tingle. Here's a comment from one of her videos:

I would suck on dat asshole shawty you fine as fuck. Fuck wut deez bitches talking 'bout

Ew.



She's sooooooo bad. I wish she had her old videos. They were really bad. Like, it's like someone sweded another booty shaking video on youtube. Sweded. That's from Be Kind Rewind. Watch that.

Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

I just rediscovered this webcomic looking at my other favorite webcomic and I'm upset that I haven't read it in so long. It's, like, bizarre, weird jokes for smart, weird people. Like myself.

Intermission

more animals

What me and my brother talk about on the phone. Pt. 2

*********************************************
(After sending me a text message calling me a rapist)
Terrell: You're a dick.

Eric: Don't call me a rapist, cock monkey.
*********************************************
Me: You better chill out before I Donald Duck* your dumb ass.

Terrell: Man, suck a fat one.
*********************************************
(Talking about one of his homegirls who fell for the jailbait)
Me: I don't know what sign she is, but I know one of her traits are crib robbery.
*********************************************
Terrell: I mean, what the fuck, b?

Me: What the fuck what?

Terrell: What the fuck, b?

Me: . . . Nigga, you not clarifying anything. . .
*********************************************
Terrell: I got a female friend named Khaki.

Me:. . . Khaki? Like, the pants? Her parents named her Khaki?

Terrell: Yeah, like khaki pants. She like my best friend. She ugly.

Me: LOL

Terrell: For real.

Me: That wasn't nice.

Terrell: She look like a pair of khakis

Me: LMFAO
**********************************************
Terrell: Yo, when I go see Nita Saturday, it's BONER SMASHING TIME!
**********************************************
Me: Oh, she's gonna be at her aunt's house?

Terrell: Yeah

Me: Then you can put your cock on her face

Terrell: Early!
**********************************************
Terrell: Oh My God, Khaki calling me.

Me: *snicker*

Both:LMAO
**********************************************
Me: Ain't nobody tell you to talk to an ugly girl named Khaki. Where do you find these girls with weird ass names?

Terrell: What you mean, yo?

Me: It's like you have an odd-named female magnet or some shit
*********************************************

(Intermission)
Hiilarious Twitter Quotes

Malcolm Maximillion: I like using pink towels after a shower. Its like being inside a woman to me.

$port: This beat makes me wanna throw a Timberland thru a windshield...
(Back to the matter)
*********************************************
Terrell: You know ******* called me in this morning?

Me: Her buckethead ass? What does she want?

Terrell: I don't know, man. I'm about to do it to her again.

Me: LMAO

Terrell: What's so funny?

Me: That just came out of nowhere.

Terrell: She just acting like she miss the dilz.
**********************************************
Me: What?

Terrell: What?

Me: What?

Terrell: Suck a fat one.

Me: Oh word? Well stick a quarter in ya ass, nigga, cuz you just played yaself!
*********************************************
Me: What the hell are you singing?

Terrell: Streetlights

Me: I don't even fuck with that song. That shit isGETTHEFUCKOUTMYFACE, GNAT.
********************************************
Me: Yo, this Indian girl has some nice titties. It makes me wanna beat off.
********************************************
Terrell: Aaaawww. . .

Me: What, did you just ejaculate or some shit?

Terrell: I just bust a. . . bump.

Me: Ooooookay. . .

Terrell: On my thigh.

Me: Alrig-

Terrell: Near my meat.

Me: TOOOOO much information.
******************************************
Me: You know what, I'm glad you and Rodney found each other because you're both cocks.
******************************************
Terrell: He got that body & soul.

Me: What? He got that bottle of soul mix?

Terrell: OBAMA!

Me: *spits out mouthful of water*
*****************************************
(Talking about a chick that used to be on my friend list and had twins)
Me: That might have been why I deleted her.

Terrell: Why?

Me: Remember when I cleansed my friends list and deleted a lot of preggers? I can't mess with no chicks with babies. I don't have any kids. What if I go over their house and their kids just sitting there? I ain't got no kids for them to play with.

Terrell: LOL

Me: Why are you laughing? What am I gonna do? Let them play with my PSP? Fuck that. They better suck each other's thumbs or some shit.
*****************************************
Terrell: Did you ever wonder if pushing a baby out feels like pushing out a big ass fart?

Me: Yo. . . why would you ask some shit like that?
*****************************************
Terrell: I bet the world's biggest fart felt real good.

Me: I'm pretty sure the world's biggest fart blew a man's ass open.
*****************************************
Me: I should give Jasmine a dutch oven tomorrow.
*****************************************
Me: You ever had a swag so off the hook you had to do the Harlem Shake?

Terrell: You a bluffing ass nigga.
*****************************************
Me: What?

Terrell: You don't wanna wrestle on the dining room table.
*****************************************
(Listening to Amazing by Kanye and Young Jeezy)
Me: This beat rocking. I need the instrumental so I can rap over it about sad lizards in the desert.
******************************************
Terrell: Laquecia just text messaged me.

Me: Don't you kids got school tomorrow?

Terrell: Nigga, shut up.
******************************************
(Waiting for "Spoiled Little L.A. Girl" on "Robocop")
Terrell: Here it come, Eric. . . Here it come, Eric. . . Here it come. . . Here it come. . .

Me: SHUT UP!
*****************************************
Lil Wayne: You think yo shit don't stink but you are Mrs. P-U!

Me: That was corny. That was really corny.

Terrell: The "Mrs. P-U" line?

Me: Yeah, that shit made my face hurt.
****************************************
Me: Yo, tired.

Terrell: Who me?

Me: Yeah. You tired as shit.

Terrell: What, you wanna eat my pepperoni?
***************************************

*A Donald Duck is when you yank someone's nose and then slap it.

This was to my ears what the monkey face-fucking the frog was to my eyes

*WARNING: MAD HOMO*




You don't have to be a gamer to know what was being implied by that audio. Some sick bastard took audio clips from the video game Left 4 Dead and managed to make it sound like poor Louis is being. . . yeah. . . by Bill.

This should win best billboard of ever

ELL OH ELL

Real Chance at Love and shit - pt. 2

- Late again, whatever. Sorry Super Woman, but this show is a guilty pleasure(no homo pause I'm not gay)

- Does this nigga have on gun holsters?

- Why does Real try so hard to look like a black 80's hair band member? Nigga looking like he with Twisted Sister or Guns & Roses or some shit.

- That' cruddy that he threw her tickets on the ground.

- "Don't hit me in the head, Chance. (Unless it's your dick)"

- Ew. I'm sorry, but I just think women rubbing men's feet is gross. That shit's not cool.

- So Hood is so slutty it doesn't make sense.

- LMAO "Do I look like a woman?" says Real. Nigga, are you serious?

- Yo, Cali looks like Nicholas Cage!

- I'll never understand how all these motherfuckers go on this damn show and just kiss the same person. Germs, man, germs!

- Okay, the "Lick Cream Off Me" thing is kinda hot. Well, less hot because it's on this show.

- So they're gonna lick the same broad? Bitch, have some morals!

- Oh, they didn't. Whew.

- I just love watching confused bimbos try to explain themselves.

- Milf could get it. She kinda resembles Sarah Jessica Parker, which isn't good, but I'd still bust on her chest.

- What's with this nigga holding guitars? I want to see him actually play that damn guitar.

- "You wasn't about to make no tapes, were you?" ". . . not right now."

- "Chance is, like, trying to fuck everybody!" I don't know, but if I had a show with a bunch of chicks that wanted my pipe on their lips, I would be trying, too.

- Yo, WHO'S THIS SEVEN AURELIUS LOOKING ASS NIGGA?

- lol@ these dorks on "The Pick-Up Artist"

- Why, oh why, do these niggas keep playing with guitars?

- lol@ Real and his girls bitching Chance when he wanted some breakfast.

- . . . Recording artists? Roooooiiiiiight.

- So, they have a third sexually ambiguous brother? That's great. The more, the fruitier.

- Ooooh, this is gonna be terrible.

- See, this is embarassing to watch. Yo, listening to these women freestyle is like having my heart mildly shocked by a taser.

- See how Milf acts? This is why I don't feel bad for talking about busting on her chest.

- Lusty is an ignorant dick. She shouldn't go after a black guy because she never dated one? Real smooth, twunt.

- Man, I never had that volcano taco yet.

- Since when did you need experience to date outside of your race? This is the type of shit we don't need while Obama is running.

- Okay, now she realizes Real's more her type. Awesome.

- Boy, this Promo bitch is retarded.

- Chance is a cruddy dude. So, let's recap: He picks the girl that his brother wants and wants his brother, and then sees her talking to his brother, and then he gets mad and wants one of his brother's women and they don't want him so he gets frustrated. Okay.

- "She did the Eagle on me" Word? I still don't know what that means. She grinded on him? She let him beat? What?

- Holy shit. I swear to God I just saw something walk past me out the corner of my eye. We got ghosts and shit. I don't like this.

- First chain goes to. . . Promo? Fuck outta here.

- Lol @ her dumbass being confused. I've seen dumb blondes have a dilemma, and that shit is hilarious.

- Chance is just getting reamed today. Boy.

- Watch these bitches go to commercial at the good part.

- Yo, why is this nigga wearing gun holsters?

- Chance pulled a bitch move. That was bitchy. I wouldn't expect anything less from a nigga that wears eye-liner.

T-Pain - Karaoke

Oh, shit, T-Pain went in. I found the intro with him and Kanye hilarious, especially at the end. "I didn't recognize you without the auto-tune" "Oh, Kanye, I didn't recognize you. . . without the auto-tune". It's also purrretty homo to talk to men while they're pissing in a public bathroom. At least wait until you're done urinating.

But yeah, T-Pain is right. The game is currently being over saturated by this auto-tune shit and no, Kanye and Lil Wayne don't get a pass. Especially Lil Wayne. Kanye might get a pass just for 808's & Heartbreak, but Lil Wayne sounds like he's swallowing bees and vibrators when he uses that shit.

More from the Otaku Convention

I just felt like posting some more good pictures from Otakon.

Dante & Lady



I have no idea, he was just creeping me out



L, Ryuk & Light Yagami from Deathnote



Haruhi Shuzimuya in bunny costume (She is, like, so fucking hot)



Metal Gear Solid (Uh-oh, he made a noise)



Yo, these wacky caucasians were dancing their asses off. Well, I think it was dancing.



I don't remember if I posted this one, but if I did, it's worth posting again.

This guy is a legend

If you want, just skip to 40 seconds in.



This is the type of dude men look up to. Ladies, it's a dumb man thing you wouldn't understand.

lol@"Hey, Katie!"

Real Chance at Love and shit

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Dyme-A-Duzin featuring D-Pryde - Gotta Eat It(Can't Believe It parody)

You should go check out both of their other videos. They're hilarious and they can spit, kinda like Eminem, but less violent/emo.