Not Cool

I just happened to be on Dat Piff and I saw this travesty. First off, while the photoshop job isn't the worst, it's still pretty bad. This nigga on the red carpet. . . look at the cuffs of his pants. You're not balling if your pants look like that.

I also found out that this nigga is from Baltimore.

His mixtape is terrible. He's obviously one of those "rap about money because that's what people want to hear, but I really don't do shit with my life" rappers. I just felt I needed to post this.

Glass Half Full

Yeah, so I haven't been "blogging" a lot. Whatever. I wanted to do a solid(||) for the dude 810. I told him a while ago that I would post him on the blog being that he's a Baltimore native and he doesn't suck.

He just dropped his mixtape Glass Half Full yesterday. I haven't listened to it yet, but it's been getting rave reviews. Seriously, check this guy out.


I'm going to start posting again. No, for real.

Display Names That Make Me LOL II

1. ♥SIMONE is FANCY {ILLEGAL}- I have no idea what this means.

2. {A.N.T} She Is A Tiger [Rated R] - I hope he's not talking about his sex partner, because last I heard, bestiality is illegal in Maryland. Plus tigers will kill you.

3. HE TELLS ME I'M ADORABLE - He probably tells everyone that when they give him blowjobs.

4. Jason's Official MySpace - It's funny because he's not famous.

5. {WoOoW3rz} Th3s3z ChAiNz..... - . . . Still don't know what this shit means.

6. (T@hti@na@>:Miss Congeniality - I bet if Firefox didn't have auto-spell check, congeniality would've been spelled wrong. She still doesn't know what it means, though.

7. U will be cut off just watch but i still luv ya - Talk about bipolar.

8. khaki♥ - "She look like a pair of khakis" - Terrell

9. D∀t By₮cH is ∀ JOK∋ 2 Ｍe - How do these kids get past 6th grade?

10. NEW ME AND IM LOVEING IT TO THE FULLIST - It's sad because unlike these other dolts, he probably thought he was spelling this shit right.

11. Swaganair - I just wanna punch this nigga for that name.

12. page under construction - If it takes you so long to fix your myspace that you have to put "under construction", then you probably shouldn't have one in the first place.

13. "IM A HUGE ROCK FAN GET OVER IT" - This nigga like 6 years late since hella black people openly listen to rock music now. He might as well have just said "I'M A TOTAL FUCKING POSER GET OVER IT"

14. ღDouqalss Badmitton Record 9-1ღ - I can't talk because I wrestled, but who gives a fuck about Badminton? And how do you play a sport and not know how to spell it?

15. wishin mii man was true 2 mii - Then why don't you leave him, you dumb skeezer?

16. NO BITCH AINT GOT SHIT ON ME!!! - That's a double negative. So you saying that there are bitches that "got shit" on you. That's disgusting.

17. LIL WOODY ALL DAY - Pause.

18. I Graduated But Aint Nothing Change Im The Same! - And that's why you're going to end up with a bad job.

19. WHERE IS HE :( - Not with you.

20. { &ND TRUTH IZ I DONT WANT 2 LOST HIM}} - Wow. That spelling error was so bad I'm not even going to get on her. I just feel bad for her whole existence.

21. I KNOW U LOOKIN @ MY PAGE THINKIN DAMN I MISS HER! - Teenage girls are so naive it makes my life ache.

22. мяs.ρєяƒєcŧ|.o°•chєckk.мє.out!•°o< - Kill yourself in the most vicious way possible.

23. *In Love with my imagination* - and that's why you'll die a virgin.

24. ╔╝╚╗⌠¬.¬⌡╔╝╚╗ - Fuck you and your future.

25. sexy gril - It's sad that I'm only 20 and I'm already complaining about how dumb kids are.

26. FUCK DEY DO DAT AT? BITCH - You get the Nigger of the Week award for this one.

27. ~YO Y MIS NINAS NO NECESITAN NINGUN NIGGA~ - Me and my girls don't need something. I don't know, my Spanish is rusty. What I do know is that teaching these ignorant children new ways to say dumb shit is why they're closing down Baltimore high schools.

28. HeSs BaCkK[♥ Uu MikE]AnDd GoIng 2 StaY 4 A WhiLE - Notice how she said he's back and going to stay for a while? She's basically admitting he's going to leave her again.

29. SIN(SEXY INTELLIGENT NICE) - I wonder what goes through their heads when they make this shit up and type it.

30. {~haters just kno i keep dem goons around mii when - Wait, for the finale, I need to post this dude's headline.

"yall dam ass ass niggas need to stop hate on a nigga in a damn life to live cuz nigga yu hate cuz yu cant live mines dats why yu hate damn man get on my level get on some grown man shit like mii !!!!"

It is my personal opinion that when men keep whining about haters, they come off feminine to me. I understand women whining about haters because chicks be mad at each other over silly shit, but dudes? Either shut up or off yourself.

I need to do a "display pictures that make me LOL". I've seen some funny shit.

Display Names That Make Me LOL

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Reasons I'm Embarrassed of Baltimore

Bucketheads

Oh my God, how I loathe thee. Walking down the street with four or five brightly colored bracelets on each arm, a lime green tutu and yellow spandex. What men see in you, I couldn't possibly understand, but fortunately my taste in women doesn't reside in such colorblind creatures.

Sitting in the back of the bus with Nay-Nay and Larishaqueshanaekown yelling "FUCK YOU, BITCH" and talking about how big Jakwonalonathon's penis is. My child will be attending county school to avoid your tomfoolery.



<FUCKING BUS

Goddamn MTA bus. You're rarely on time and the denizens of your bus make me consider walking to my destination rather than waiting two hours for a bus that can get me down the street.

Your bus drivers are as effective at enforcing rules as school teachers. If someone lights a cigarette on your bus, you don't give a shit. Matter of fact, you wouldn't stop your bus unless some pickaninnies are having a battle in the back, but by then one of them have probably already pulled out a gun and killed us.



Gangs

This is an annoyance that's starting to become less prominent due to Sheila Dixon telling the knockers "Eat what you want", but it became a pain in the ass. The bloods and crips in Baltimore now don't really do shit except jump people that aren't in gangs and yell out gang jargon to passing buses.

What happened to the good old days? Not that those days were good (Baltimore is actually safer now than it was, say, 20 years ago), but I remember when dudes were repping neighborhoods and shit rather than colors. Baltimore & Hilton, Edmondson Village, Edmonson Ave, Irvington and all that shit. Fortunately from me, I was from neighborhoods no one cared about, so I didn't get jumped. . . Well, once, but that was in middle school and it was random as shit.



I could think of more, but not right now. I guess this is a part 1.

Smash featuring Yung Crip - Too Much 4 Me

I'm sure you're like, "the fuck is this guy?" Well, this song is popular as shit in Baltimore and it shouldn't be difficult for it to start getting popular nationwide. A friend of my mother actually knows the dude Smash and invited me to one of his shows, so I'm like "Why the fuck not?" Still waiting. Either way, I like it, I don't expect you to.

The video is semi-low budget. You can tell they used good cameras, except when they were on Federal Hill(You don't know what that is). I'm tripping because the lightrail station that they start showing later in the video is the one I have to stand on to go to work. I was also when I saw Yung Crip's name. I mean, damn, there are crips that rap, but that's like a gay rapper coming out named "homo".

Ravens - 17 Bengals - 10

This game was supposed to be won anyway. I'd recommend that you never in your life talk about how good the Bengals are in front of die hard Ravens fans in Baltimore unless you're a masochist. Of course, a lot of us lost faith after that horrifying fumble by Ray Rice, but we made it anyway. How about Joe Flacco the rookie outdoing Jon Palmer? Pretty hot. He also made a 38 yard run which is even hotter.

I was at work, but fortunately I got most of the last quarter during my lunch break. It was pretty disheartening to watch 3 Ravens players get injured in, like, 3 minutes(especially Todd Heap).

And poor Chad Johnson with only one catch. As a random customer at my job said "The Bengals suck, and Ocho Cinco can suck all of our balls".

All in all, I'm just happy we beat the Bengals.

Bossman featuring Raheem Devaughn - I Wonder(K-Swift Tribute)

Man, the tribute doesn't even come until the end. This is the same way I felt after I watched Queen of the Damned. Whatever.

Well, Tomorrow's the Fourth of July

And I ain't doing shit. I'm coming in the house, and I am going to play Sonic the Hedgehog and watch On Demand movies until I fall asleep. I have the entire house to myself until Saturday and all I want to do is enjoy some peace and quiet.

One thing people talk about alot in Baltimore is going to the Inner Harbor and watching the fireworks. Fuck that. Every time they have fireworks downtown, something niggery happens, and I refuse to take part in this horseplay forever. Last time I went downtown for Independence Day, the girl Jamie was supposed to bring the keys to her dad's boat, which she forgot (It was a nice ass boat, too). Then, it ended up raining and we had to get under a damn gazebo, only for a fucking fight to break out and we had to leave in the middle of the hard ass rain. The year before that, there was a riot. I'm not sure if it was really a riot, but I'll go by what WJZ says until I hear otherwise. If there is an all-out gang war downtown, I won't be surprised.

As I type, there are motherfuckers outside shooting and letting off fireworks like we won the Super Bowl again. I swear, once I graduate, I'm moving so far out the county.

Oh, yeah, I went to a Cool Kids concert

I went to the Cool Kids show at the Ottobar on Friday (June 6) and I have to say that it was a great show. First, me and my brother got there at like 8 when it was supposed to start at 9 and we were the only ones there. A few other people came before the opening, but I was kind of surprised. Once we finally got in, thanks to some keen observation I noticed that a show schedule said that the Cool Kids weren't going to come out until like 11 p.m. I was pissed and was irate that I would have to sit through all of these goddamn opening acts. Turns out I was kind of quick to judge.

The first performer was Baltimore native Greenspan who was actually pretty good. Since we could barely understand what he was saying, what stood out was his beats. He also mixed in Black Mags during one song in his show and rapped over the beat to "On & On" by Erykah Badu. When his time was up, the DJs didn't come out fast enough, so he started to freestyle over "Paper Planes" by M.I.A.

Afterwards, one of the Tax Lo DJs came out and started playing some music. We were kind of bored at first, but then he mixed the Cheers theme with a club beat and everybody sang along. I'm thankful that I'm not the only young black person in Baltimore that knows all the words to the Cheers theme.

Followed by the DJ, Flex Matthews came out, representing D.C. He kinda seemed like a spaz at first, but he proved himself. When he first came out, some guys in the back booed him, so he got on them a little bit. Once he was about to perform his second song about wack rappers, the guys started booing him, so Flex dedicated the song to them. One of the guys got enough balls to come up on stage and after Flex finished a verse, he gave the guy the mic. He asked him if he wanted a beat, but all dude said was "He's wack" and handed the mic back and got off stage. We booed the shit out that guy. Here's a picture.



Afterwards, a DJ came out and reminded us that the Cool Kids weren't coming out for like a half an hour and we were heated until he played some club music. Everyone was dancing for the entire wait. There was one guy drunk off his ass that was dancing.



Other that, it was just regular partying. It kind of trips me out how I'm the only male I know that dances without needing a woman on his pelvis.




Finally, the Cool Kids had came out. After like two songs, Chuck Inglish brought his little cousin from Baltimore on stage to do the Spongebob. One girl in the crowd said she could do it, too, so they brought her on stage and got her to do it. They played some songs from our youth like "Juicy" and "Gin & Juice". Then, they played "Shorty Swing My Way" (I don't remember who sings that shit). All of the girls went nuts, and Mikey Rocks showed us how he got girls in middle school, which was apparently by walking over and thrusting his pelvis at them. The entire show was energetic and well done and I didn't leave disappointed. Now for some pictures.






















And for all of you who absolutely HAD to know what was on their feet:

Baltimore in the News

Officer Shot & Killed by Police Officer

Now that is fucked up

Stamp was shot after uniformed officers responded to a fight reported outside the Haven Place bar at Haven Street and Pulaski Highway, shortly after midnight.

According to Bealefeld, the officers were trying to arrest the combatants when Stamp emerged from the bar armed with brass knuckles. Bealefeld says Stamp did not respond to an officer's order to stop. The officer fired a Taser, sending Stamp to the ground. Stamp drew a handgun, and Bealefeld says the officer had "no recourse" but to fire two shots from his on handgun.

Police Arrest Child for Pointing Gun at Classmate

That's even worse. Why is it that we see the Wire and say "Baltimore ain't that bad" and then a bunch of shit that makes us look worse happen?


Teacher In Attack Files Charges Against Student

Good for her. Not to sound facetious, but she got her ass whooped, and litigation seems like the proper consequence. Even worse, out of the 112 attacks this year against school officials, most of them didn't press charges because their schools told them not to.