No, Let's Not Do It

So, right, I figured I'd come back (and hopefully stay) to talk about something that's been irking me the past two days. Popular rookie rapper and future one hit wonder Wacka Flocka has made a controversial confession in Whoo Kid interview where he basically admits he can't rap.

“It ain't got nothing to do with lyrics. I ain't got no lyrics.”

“That's when I don't trip when niggas be like, ‘Man, shawty can't rap'. The nigga that everybody say is lyrical, they ain't got no shows.”

“I don't even care about selling records. As long as I get them shows for $15,000, four to five days out the week, I'm happy.”

link

So, right, I'm not surprised. Everyone knows Wacka Flocka can't rap.

I'd also like to add he has one of the top five worst rap names in the world. It sounds like a Nick Jr. Show.

*ahem*

Everyone knows Wacka Flocka can't rap. Even his fans. A friend of mine happens to be an avid Wacka Flocka fan. I dare not pursue an argument with this woman, because she is much like the rap fans who wear "FREE _____" shirts after a nigga kills someone. Now, I'm glad he admitted it to, but to claim rappers who actually enunciate their words and use metaphors "don't get no money" is merely ignorant.

I mean, it's really easy to say someone isn't getting money just because you don't see them. I mean, he's doing shows in Georgia, Texas, New Orleans, etc. while the "niggas with lyrics" are performing in Germany, Japan and France. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Now, the actual offense I take from his statement says a lot about rap as a whole. You'll never hear a country singer say "I can't sing. I just say the words. The people who do sing don't make any money." Nor will you hear a member of a rock band say "I can't play drums. I just bang on these shits and people pay for it."

I have no one to blame for Juaquin's (is that how you spell it?) attitude but the people that buy his shit, and Yung Joc's shit and Young Jeezy's shit and the list goes on. Having rappers admit they can't rap is a slap in the face to the music and the artists who paved the way for this. Method Man, among others, already have their opinion about Juaquin's statement, and I'm sure there are more.

Let's see where this nigga career goes, because rappers like Jibbs and 2 Pistols sucked dick at being able to rap and I haven't heard from any of them. I hope he doesn't perform in New York anytime soon. Or Detroit. I heard they fight over shit like that there.

When the fuck did I get 73 followers?

For the Fellas That Still Think Booking Females on the Internet is for Nerds

Stolen from G-Ron by the way.



I didn't want to just steal his video for the people that read my blog, so I have something to say about each of these poor bastards.


1. Mr. "PLEASE!?" - This just comes off really pathetic. When a chick says "No", you should take it for its most popular connotation, which is fucking "No".

2. Mr. "So you can't have friends?" - What the fuck is this shit about? Many a nigga has tried this stunt on my girl, so I asked her if I could record an audio message on her phone saying "Hello, this is her boyfriend saying no, she can't have friends with penises that she has not known prior to March 23, 2007, you lame ass nigga."

3. Mr. "Damn! She isn't going to call me!" - Now, I understand this one. When a chick says "I'll take your number, though", it's basically the easiest way to let a dude down since you're not actually saying something negative. Men, however, have realized over the years that it means "There is a very small chance I'm going to call you, so don't hold your breath."

4. Mr. "FLIP THE SCRIPT" - These are by far the worse perpetrators of failing to bounce back from rejection. Instead of saying "That's cool" and going on to find other fish in the sea with coochies he wants to have sex with, he cusses out the chick that turned him down. You can't try to get a woman's number and then turn around and say "Fuck you, bitch! You ugly anyway!" That's like offering someone some food, then when they say "No thanks" you start telling them "Yo fat ass don't need it anyway!" I understand that the whole thing is a ploy to wound her pride as much as she wounded yours, but dude, grow the fuck up.

5. Mr. "Not taking no for an answer" - That nigga's a criminal. If you can manage to call the police, he will dissipate because he surely has existing warrants. He probably also has a shower daddy who's feeling lonely without his old cellmate/butt buddy.

As My Friend Alicia Would Say "OMG, kill yourself!"

I just happened to be looking for a Bape related picture to put for my myspace(Yes, I still go on there) headline and found this pathetic MF'er.

First off, I'm a fan of Bape and BBC/Ice Cream, although I like the latter more and I hate fake shit. Like, seriously, if you really want Bape that bad, just save your money for it. It should only take a few months for you to put enough money aside for a varsity jacket or hoodie.

Why this nigga got on a purple Bape hoodie and a matching shirt? That's not the worst part.

Then, he's holding a gun of some sort. I hate when dudes take pictures of guns because they seem to want to give the impression that they would use them.

Finally, wtf at the weight, yo. It's not even on a whole dumbbell. I mean, 35 pounds? I can lift that with one finger!

30 Reasons a Woman Should Get "Chris Browned"

Unfortunately for Chris Brown, the heinous deed he committed a few weeks ago has caused his government name to become a verb that will be synonymous with the severe ass-whoopings of females. Now, while men will be jokingly telling girlfriends and female friends "Chill out before I Chris Brown you", let's look at legitimate reasons for "Chris Browning" your loved one.

1. She ate the last piece of cake.

2. She had sex with your best friend. Twice. While you were downstairs making them both food. Then, skeeting on your pillow and turning it on the other side.

3. She cheated on you. While she was pregnant. Then said "Another man's dick was all near your baby. What you gonna do about it?" FALCON! PAUNCH!

4. She killed your mother.

5. She killed your father.

6. She says your gay for thinking 300 is a "manly movie" because it has a bunch of sweaty men in it. She also says it wasn't that good.

7. She got rid of your porn collection, saying you don't care about her as much as these "porn hos"

8. When her friends ask about you and she says "I love his/her personality. I don't really care about looks."

9. She tries to slide her finger in your butt.

10. She becomes a lesbian and then blames you for it.

11. If she successfully stabs you or shoots you.

12. She breaks your video game system and doesn't pay for a new one.

13. She knows you have a phobia of something so to get you back for something trivial like cheating on her, she, for example, puts a bunch of snakes on you when you're afraid of snakes.

14. She gets you raped.

15. She put a picture of you on the internet when you were drunk involving any of these things:

your anus

your penis

finger painting

a glass bottle

another man

16. You see her in a porno that was filmed recently.

17. She flirts with your dad.

18. She hits you in the testicles. It doesn't matter WHAT they say, if they purposefully cause you testicular harm, that means they opened the cage. You are a Super Saiyan now and they are Frieza.

19. They tossed another man's salad and kissed you in the same day.

20. They fellated another man and kissed you in the same day.

21. She got you sent to jail for no reason. They do that.

22. She tried to reenact the video for "Hit Em Up Style"

23. She tried to reenact the video for "Bust the Windows Out Your Car"

24. She thinks your celebrity crush is ugly

25. She thinks Chipotle burritos are nasty

26. After sex, she says "Your brother was better"

27. She bites your penis. On purpose.

28. She says she "loves you", but refuses to give you oral pleasures.

29. You find out she lied about being a virgin.

30. She thinks video games aren't good Valentine's Day presents

This list was completely tongue-in-cheek. Not all of these are genuine reasons for beating up a woman, but some are. Men know which ones.

When the Dog Bites, When the Bee Stings, When I'm Feeling Sad

I go to F*** My Life. This website is hilarious and makes you not feel so bad about your problems. People anonymoulsy post some embarassing, nasty or plain old fucked up shit that happened to them during their day. Here are some examples:


Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

Today, I found out my angry ex girlfriend put Nair in my shampoo before moving out of my dorm. I'm now balding at 19. FML

Today, I was happy because my exact shirt and sweater were in seventeen magazine. They were in the "what not to wear" category. FML

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob (I don't normally do it because I have a fear of getting squirt in the eye). Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bite the wrong spot and get lemon juice shot right into my eye. FML

That'll teach her

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML

Dig a Hole, Nigga, Bury Yourself

Uh-oh! Here's a continuation of the "Perry" story from my job, but with an unexpected twist!

Yesterday, right, Perry starts talking to me in MPU and the conversation goes something like:

Perry: "You saw Asscheeks, right?"
Me: "Yeah"
Perry: "You would fuck?"
Me: "Duh, nigga, I'm a man"
Perry: "But I'm saying, if she straight offered you the pussy, would you take it?"
Me: "Yeah, but ain't you trying to beat?"
Perry: "Yeah. We was just kissing in the break room."
Me: "For real?"
Perry: "Yeah. She had a mint and I said I was tryna get it so she put it on her lip"
Me: "Uh-huh"
Perry: "And I kissed her and put my tongue in her mouth and she said I was nasty"
Me: "Word?"


Wait, this is the best part.

Approximately an hour ago, my co-worker Mark calls me and that conversation goes like this:

Mark: "GUESS THE FUCK WHAT!?"
Me: "What?"
Mark: "Guess who's related?"
Me: "Let me guess. Is one of them Perry?"
Mark: "Yeah."
Me: "And the other one's Asscheeks?"
Mark: "Yep."
Me: "Get the fuck outta here!"

Apparently, Asscheeks came up to Perry like "You know we're related, right?" and he says "Stop fucking playing." Asscheeks then lists off family members that Perry then recognizes. From Mark's telling, Perry is mad as a motherfucker.

Now, let's think back. This nigga sat here and claimed he almost had sex with Asscheeks in a dressing room and he just said he made out with her in the break room the previous night and now he finds out that they're related. He sat their and told all of these lies about the girl and the encounters they had and they were cousins this whole time.

My girlfriend thinks this situation is stupid and we should've been called him out, but she's lame. She insists we shouldn't let him insult our intelligence and lie to us to our face, but that's not my style. Instead of being direct, I like to play more of the spectator role and let people run themselves into a brick wall. This nigga hit a wall at, like, 140 miles per hour.

I can't wait to see what other shit happens at Sears High School.