He Got Us

- So, funny story, right. . . the baby isn't coming yet. Somehow the amniotic sac leaked and then it resealed itself, so we're playing the waiting game again. I know, right?

- I'm not even going to speak on the Charles Hamilton thing anymore. Like, it's a pattern with this dude. He has an algorithm that goes likes this:

1. Bad shit happens
2. He makes it worse
3. He plays the victim and either claims it's a misunderstanding or the person "antagonizing" him is out to get him
4. He discusses it with his "starchasers" who couldn't be more happy to snuggle with his scrotum
5. Not do shit for a while
6. Repeat

Let's give it up for Charles, everyone. He's rap music's biggest troll.

This is from Urban Dictionary:

Troll - One who purposely and deliberately (that purpose usually being self-amusement) starts an argument in a manner which attacks others on a forum without in any way listening to the arguments proposed by his or her peers. He will spark such an argument via the use of ad hominem attacks (i.e. 'you're nothing but a fanboy' is a popular phrase) with no substance or relevence to back them up as well as straw man arguments, which he uses to simply avoid addressing the essence of the issue.

I've come to the conclusion this nigga has a psychological disorder. If anything, it seems like schizotypal personality disorder. I really feel bad for this crazy guy.

- They put Final Fantasy VII on the PSN for $9.99 and I don't think a lot of people realize how great that is. A few months ago I was trying to help my friend look for it and that shit was on amazon for around $80. I saw it for 20, but that was one disc. So, yeah, awesome.

- Since the baby isn't here yet, there won't be any freaking out over him being at the baby shower. Still need to change my room around. Don't know exactly how I'm going to do that and not have me or him under the air conditioner, though.

- As a result of him not coming out, we totally spent a night in a hospital for nothing.

- 810, I got you. Seriously.

- Totally gonna do another post on rappers/producers/musicians that I think don't get enough shine.

- But I'm getting ready for E3. Jasmine's mom was going to nickname him Thor since he was almost born during a thunderstorm, but he wasn't. Oh well.

- Our friend Jamie doesn't know who Thor is. That's bad.

-

- That's Jamie. She's white.

- My blog has been getting boring. Go ahead, you can say it.

Baby in transit

I totally have some shit I want to talk about.



I'm going to leave it at that, being that my friends often associate me with this nigga. See you when E3 gets here!

E3 is my son's nickname, by the way.

Could You Try Not Being So Cunty?

It takes a little while to build up, but it starts getting hilarious at, like, 45 seconds.

My Thoughts on E3 (Well, the first two days, at least)

Microsoft

I honestly didn't see the presser, but all I'm hearing about is "Project Natal". Check this out, fanboys:

That "Oh, it's better than the Wii because you don't need a controller" shit won't work.

1. The Playstation Eye does that same fucking thing.

2. Microsoft wouldn't have done this if the Wii wasn't so successful. Same thing with Sony, but I'll get to them later.

I'm not saying Natal isn't a good idea, just that acting like it's the most innovative thing since the Fleshlight is completely wrong.

I vowed that if Project Natal actually works well and is extra awesome like everyone pretends it will be, then I may spend my own money on a 360. That's because I know this motion-controlled interface theory isn't going to be that great. People thought the same thing with the Wii and now most of the people that own them don't even play them anymore.

I hear they announced Left 4 Dead 2 and Metal Gear Rising. Those are games I'll be looking out for, although I don't think MGR will be that great.

Nintendo

I don't even want to talk about their conference. Let me shorten it for you.

Super Mario Galaxy 2
Metroid: The Other M

That's the good shit. All I have to say to help you invision how terrible their presser was is "vitality sensor". Yes, a thing that monitors your pulse through your fucking finger.

Metroid: the Other M looks hot. I thought it was just a new Metroid Prime, but it's actually being created by Team Ninja and it's going to include third player elements. From what I saw of the trailer, I would be interested in purchasing if it wasn't on an unfortunate system.

You know what pissed me off? They talked about connecting the "casual gamers" and the "highly-skilled(see hardcore) gamers" and then mentioned the vitality sensor. I want to punch Iwata in his mouth.

I feel bad for Nintendo fanboys. It's like an abusive relationship. They mostly get treated like shit every E3, but Nintendo will throw in some "okay" shit.

Nintendo: "I know I've been treating you bad, but look, baby, look. . . Metroid The Other M! I promise I'll be better baby"
Poor bastard: "You said that last year. . . "
Nintendo: "Microsoft and Sony can't do for you what I do for you. You nothing without me."
Poor bastard: "I know"
Nintendo: "You better take that fucking Metroid and those two Marios and be happy. All the shit I've done for you"

Sony

Yeah, the one I was rooting for. They showed gameplay for MAG which I was not that impressed by. Uncharted 2 looks hot. Token action/adventure/platformer/shooter.

What I feel gave Sony the edge over the other two was the Final Fantasy XIV surprise, for one. First off, I do not want it. Final Fantasy XI was an online Final Fantasy and I'm not hearing good things about it. However, this was because it was released when the PS2 tried to go 0-online in seven seconds. Hopefully in this age where everyone is online it may do better.

Second was the showing of GT5 on PSP/PS3. No, I'm not buying it because doing a 300 lap race doesn't exactly give me a boner, but everyone else does.

They showed their answer to the Wii and Natal which was basically their own little motion-sensing project. First off, this edged off Natal because there was an actual demo. Surely fanboys are going to argue about what's better and completely oust the Wii, being that their sales have lapped Sony and Microsoft twice. While the demo is impressive, I'm not quite sold. The Playstation Eye got no love whatsoever after Eye of Judgment went stale, so I don't know if I should waste my money on another peripheral that copies another game system.

Nothing else really worth talking about for Sony.



As far as consoles are concerd, you know who won? The gaming public. Well, not Nintendo's. I feel sorry for them.

Oh, Shit. Let Me Call You Back. There's a Hamburger in my Pocket

- I'm looking at the video for "You're a Jerk". Yo, that shit is so sad.

- These niggas buy women's jeans from Hot Topic.

- Checkered blue and black squares? Zebra Print?

- Is this better or worse than what Spectacular did.

- Speaking of which, a lot of women are flipping shits about how everyone's making a big deal out of whether he's gay or not and it's 2009 and people need to grow up.

- I can't speak for everyone else, but I don't care if he's gay. I just want him to come out the closet. If he just says "Alright, I love the feel of man ass on my cock", everyone will leave him alone and forget about him like Lance Bass.

- Please don't let this Jerkin shit catch on in Baltimore.

- The youth in Baltimore are so weak-minded. Look at the boost in gang members.

- It's Lil Wayne's fault.

- I want to do a post about sex, but I can't think of more topics.

- Oh, look, a new PSP.

- Will I buy it?

- I need more consumer penis stroking before I consider it. Consider me aroused though.

- I shouldn't have to pause that metaphor. I'm talking about a video game system without a gender.

- Fuck you.

- Advice Dog says:

"I'm going to go LP LP --> LK HP some pussy, if you know what I mean"

- Non-Street Fighter fans need not apply.

- So, they're making a DJ Hero game if you didn't hear about it.

- It has Daft Punk.

-

- I also saw this picture, where-in-which I have (Is that how you type it? Where-in-which?) put a red circle on the important thing.

-

-

- I was reading Texts From Last Night when I saw this:

omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.

- She should probably go to the hospital. Then again, I've never had my vagina ripped, so I wouldn't know how one goes about dealing with that.

- Some guy in the comments proceeded to say it was fake because women never talk like that.

- There is no faster way to announce that you don't get any poontang than to say some shit like that.

- Every woman I know is just as disgusing as a man, if not more so.

-

- Talking to those four is like talking to guys, except from a perspective on the other side of the penis.

- I'm not giving names, because some of you dudes are weird.

- The third one has a Hugh Jazz.

-

- (617): Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased

- That's from Texts from Last Night, too. I thought that was funny.

- Advice Dog says:

This is Getting Really Fucking Old

Look, check this out. I'm starting to get annoyed with the multitude of dipshits, retards and D.E.C. students who are saying that Lil Wayne is, in fact, the best rapper alive.

First off, let me explain to you assclowns the difference between facts and opinions.

Fact (n.) - An objective consensus on a fundamental reality that has been agreed upon by a substantial number of people.

Opinion (n.) - A thought that a person has formed about a topic or issue.

Let me give you an example:

Opinion - "Lil Wayne is the best rapper alive!"

Fact - "No one that says 'I'm rare like Mr. Clean with hair' can be the best rapper alive."

It confounds me painfully that Lil Wayne dickriders are the main ones that want to argue about Lil Wayne's relevance in hip-hop, yet they can't formulate a good argument. I'm a logical person. If I can find "logic" on facebook, I'd become a fan of it. If you can give me an actual good argument on why something is so, I may respect you as a person. Here's a list of illogical things that Lil Wayne's cockjockers use when arguing about how good he is:

1. His sales and marketing ability. This has nothing to do with how good he is as a rapper. Let me extend this. People tend to say shit like "Well, he sells well so apparently he's good". No. It is a fact that humans make stupid choices. One of the stupid choices that a lot of people make is their music. Just because a dude sells one million copies doesn't mean that he's good. Just because someone only sells 50,000 copies doesn't meant that they're bad. Especially not in the age of free downloads. Not to take anything away from Dwayne Carter, but a platinum plaque doesn't mean you're great. Especially when most of your fans are teenage girls that religiously watch Super Sweet Sixteen and The Hills and teenage internet thugs and wiggas who threaten to shoot people on youtube.

2. How many "haters" he has. That is just fucking stupid. Fuck you if you actually use this.

3. Him saying he's the best rapper alive.

A lot of you weak minded fools decided he must be the best rapper alive if he says it three times a song. I say you go kill yourself.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't hate him. I rarely bring him up in conversation since I don't really pay attention to people that say "I'm fly go hard like geese erection". However, I feel that Lil Wayne's massive amount of sackhangers are the scum of the earth, down there with the Ku Klux Klan and people that think "monkeys" is actually "monkies".

I, fortunately, don't have haters since I'm a likable person, but if anyone feels the need to defend Lil Wayne, I'll do it for them.

"Wut iisz u takken boWt ll wain iiz duh bess n u juz a hater (they always spell hater right) u nEeD 2 qit off hiz diick. u ned 2 qet a lif bcuz u will neva m4k3 az much m0ni3z as he doo"

After you read this, can you please link any Lil Wayne dickrider you know to this? We need a widespread dumbass intervention.

EDIT:

I feel I need to elaborate more as not offend the wrong people. I only seek to offend the right people. I don't dislike people that are Lil Wayne fans or love Lil Wayne's music. I may think less of you, but I don't despise you. However, there are the motherfuckers that are like overzealous Christians. You could be talking about football and then someone will say "Lil Wayne said this hard ass line about football. You listen to Lil Wayne?" Then they proceed to gloat about how great Lil Wayne is and how everyone should listen to him.

My little brother Terrell likes Soulja Boy. I don't care, as long as he isn't telling me to listen to Soulja Boy because he's nicer than everyone I like. This is something that Lil Wayne dookiechasers do.

This must be the opposite of knowing how to fight.

0:03 - Head kick fail.

0:05 - Oh, shit! He went for the fake out.

0:07 - 0:10 - Did this nigga just do some "Ka-razy" to confuse him and then try to hit him with a surprise back kick?

0:11 - Wow, he almost got Briana Latrise'd. I don't like how that felt to type. I think it's getting old already.

0:14 - The guy with the plethora of hair almost caught him again.

0:18 - Man, the dude in the tight jeans is making the guy in the black look like Mirko Cro Cop the way he going for those kicks.

0:24 - I guess he's picking up his dignity after that "Ka-razy" demonstration didn't work.

0:33 - Did anyone give him the memo that you can't talk people out of a fight after they already tried to decapitate you?

0:42 - Oh, yeah, try to kick him in the berries. That's hella manly.

That looked like some shit off of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Thanks a lot Play Cloths blog guy.

Tears for Sears

- A lady came in last week. Old girl had a layaway. So, we're looking for the layaway and it turns out we can't find it. The lady asks and I tell her "We're having trouble finding it, but we'll have your merchandise in a matter of minutes". So, the lady replies "I'm in a hurry! I have a relative dying of cancer that I have to take to a doctor's appointment at 9:30!" It's 9:18 AM. Now, I would've felt bad, but why the fuck are you picking up a raincoat from Sears if your family member's doctor's appointment is so important? Long story short, she got mad and left and we found her raincoat 2 minutes after she caught wheels.

- This couple, the Goldstroms, comes in. They want to pick up an assembled grill. At this point, we've had forty billion pick-ups for assembled grills. The male says "We don't know if it's here for sure, but we just wanted to check." I look in the back at the grills waiting for customer pick-up and none of them say Goldstrom. I go back out and tell these people "Sorry, we don't see your grill. It may not have come in yet." The male says "Okay" and walks into the store. (From MPU((Merchandise Pick-Up)), you can go directly into the Sears through a hallway) I'm chilling, thinking nothing of it, when Kevin comes to MPU looking perturbed. Now, Kevin is one of the managers for Tools. People get me and him confused a lot being that we're both short, black and stocky.

Well, he's all like "So Goldstrom told me you said that their grill wasn't in." I reply "I didn't see a Goldstrom." He then proceeds to explain how I could have gotten a pre-assembled grill of the same item number. At this fucking point, I didn't want to deal with one more motherfucking retard customer who came to pick up a big, stupid ass grill in a goddamn, ugly ass SUV. It wouldn't fit. So, I end up having to give them a grill anyway and lo and behold, I had to help the motherfucker unscrew a piece of so it would fit in his dipshit, ass-licking SUV.

- Some asshole comes in to pick up an assembled grill. Whatever. We bring him his grill and this douchebag is examining it and notices that the grill is fucked up.

It's not.

There was an area of scratched off paint about the size of a thumbnail in the corner where the grill closes down. Now, see, this area would end up getting scratched anyway due to opening and closing the fucking grill. He's also pissed because the door on the bottom only closes 98.4 percent of the FUCKING way. So, he asks, "do you have any other grills?" I say "I think we have one more". I go in the back to grab this nigga another grill and our LP(Loss Prevention) guy walks him in the back to the room with all the grills. I'm not going to put any vulgar expletives in front of his name because he apologized for it afterwards.

Long story short, the asshole looked at every grill and then decided that he didn't want a grill and returned it.

- Remember Perry? Yeah, me too. Well, let me get this one out of the way first. Now, a co-worker told me that she saw Perry downtown with . . . Jim(he's notoriously gay if you didn't read the post I linked to). She said they were hugged up on the lightrail. Not cool.

- Well, when Perry got fired, he ended up wrestling with the cop that was escorting him out. This nigga called me like two or three weeks ago leaving a voicemail asking if I could be a witness for him in court. Yo, I wasn't even there.

- Know what I hate about Sears customers right now? These motherfuckers will scan the receipt to pick-up their items and then leave immediately to get their cars. I come out ten seconds later and no one is there. That shit is getting on my nerves. The fucking machine says "Please bring your vehicle to pick-up before scanning your receipt for a quicker transaction". How hard is that?

Your Rhymes are Called the Vagina Monologues

- That was an old Nas line. It was in a song where he was reading his old rap books. Can't remember the name.

- How the fuck did I get 52 followers? I went to sleep with like 36.

- I'm 16-1 at UFC Undisputed online. I'm going to be honest: 85 percent of the niggas I fought were terrible. The rest were half my power level. Bitches don't know about my ground and pound.

- Still getting ready for our baby shower. Jasmine would argue that I'm not doing anything. Well, she can suck a fat one.

- Yo, stop telling me get Charles Hamilton. I doubt dude even reads my blog, so chances are he isn't going to listen to shit I have to say. Besides, I don't even find it that bad that a broad crowned him. I find it bad he had a stuffed Pink Panther on his arm. WHERE DEY DO DAT AT!?

- I don't even know what that means.

- So much dumb shit happens at my job that I'm going to give that topic it's own post.

-

- Meh, close enough.

- I had an interesting Friday. I went to a diner called Cafe Hon with the mother of my child. I had this sandwich called a Big Bay Club that was a crabcake, shrimp salad, bacon, lettuce and tomatoes. That shit was delicious. Orgasmic, even.

- We also saw a tranny on the bus. This wasn't your average tranny. I know when most people think of he-she's they think of Wesley Snipes and John Leguizamo in To Wong Fu. This was not that. He had a man's face with woman hair. He had breasts. Not huge breasts, but breast enough to be feminine titties. Unfortunately, his pot belly stuck out beyond them. The guy had on a skirt. His legs were unshaven. They were reminscent of how your finger would look if you slid it under your couch and then looked at it. I did not see this because I did not bother to look hard enough, but Jasmine claimed that she could see his dick through his skirt.

- I'm sorry. . . I'm feeling nauseous.

- I also got good footage of a junkie doing the infamous "Lexington Market Lean" on my cell phone. She was dropping down and getting her eagle on.

- Shendiggity, me and Malcolm have to show you Lexington Market.

- I'm reading this thing about Hons on wikipedia. What the fuck is wrong with pronouncing "Baltimore" "Baldimore"? That shit is way too proper.

- When my mom says "fired" she says "farred".

- She's going to tell me to take that off.

- This is my blog!



- You know what pisses me off? Megahomophobic rappers. Like, that's not even the whole problem. Let me get to the point:

- How the fuck do you talk about rappers being undercover fags and talk about Kanye and Charles Hamilton but not mention the Knux?

-

- Nigga on the right. He looks mad Luther Vandross.

- I've usually been one to oppose the term "dress gay" because there are such things as homo thugs, but those niggas really dress like they pound butt.

- You "Noah's Arc" watching ass niggas.

- My mom loves that show.

- Advice Dog says:

Eric <3's Hip-Hop 2

- So Charles Hamilton took another L after the video of his assistant Briana Latrise, stepdaughter of Mary J. Blige, gave him a mean right to the face. Although they reconciled immediately after, this is still a bad look. In my opinion, getting punched in the face by a female isn't that bad. It's the damn Pink Panther that was on his arm. Whether they had that little rap battle and he got Chuck Liddell'd or not, the video still probably would've circulated with the doll on his arm. He just wouldn't have been a trending topic on twitter.

I'd just like to say, I don't understand why a bunch of dudes come out of nowhere talking about they would've beat her up. Two months ago, niggas were talking about how much of a bitch Chris Brown is for hitting Rihanna. Apparently, if a female gives you a humiliating mollywhop, it's okay to hit females. Let's be realistic, most of these niggas being e-thugs probably caught a jab from a man and just walked away. At least Charles Hamilton didn't hit her back.

- I see now that Drake is gaining momentum, a lot of people are (I hate this word) hating on him. It's true. I don't fuck with his music like that, but he's doing something right. It trips me out how if a rapper has hella female fans, all of a sudden you're a fag for listening to him. I mean, come on. If I could rap like I want and have 80 percent of my fans rocking pussies, then I'd go for it. I like vaginas.

- I don't know who Dolla is. Nor do I care.

- Chris Brown opening for Michael Jackson? I mean, they're both practically criminals.

- Yo, I saw a picture of Rihanna. Her hair looked like Kazuya Mishima's.

- Check out Theo Martins x $port's track "Checkin' In"

- Also, my homeboy Malcolm Maximillion put out his track over "You Don't Know My Name" here.

- Look, don't complain about bad music after I just gave you some gems.

The Road Virus Heads North

- A 5 day weekend. So awesome.

- The only thing sitting between me and UFC Undisputed is Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

- Yo, I have a co-worker that's annoying the fuck out of me. Like, you know that guy who's also goofy and a serious clown? When I say clown I don't mean like an asshole or a bitch ass nigga, I mean in the literal sense. This nigga be just doing dumb shit and using onomatopoeias and and other clown shit.

- He straight started imposing on me that we would be lightrail buddies. Like "Yo, Eric! Wait for me after work, yo!"

- B, you'll never see a Jamaican track runner get out of there like I got out of there.

- Then when I see him, I'll just be like "Oh, damn, I forgot! I was trying to catch the lightrail."

- He's not a bad dude, just. . . a clown.

- Stephen King is the best writer ever.

- This story, "Lunch at the Gotham Cafe" or some shit is wild. "YOU BOINKER!".

- Pregnant sex is awesome.

- Charles Hamilton is starting to freak me out. He wants us to believe he's dating Rihanna, he has a talking Pink Panther doll and he might be signed to Shady records. At the same time. I'm thoroughly confused.

- Courage Wolf says:

Beat a Bus Driver

Okay, so the bus driver story:

So, me and Jasmine were getting off of the lightrail and we were coming up the street. There were two buses at a red light and the bus we were supposed to get in was behind the first one. I walk up to the bus and the nigga driving the bus looks straight at me for three seconds and then pulls off when the light turns green, passing Jasmine, too. I'm like "Oh, shit, word?" It could have ended there, but unfortunately for that bitch I'm a fucking man.

So I ran up the street to the bus where it was stopped at another red light and people were getting on the bus. I purposefully made myself to last one to get on and when it was my turn, I held the doors open. I saw the surprise in his face and he knew he was in for trouble that he could have avoided if he wasn't a fucking whore. The conversation goes something like this:

Me: Can you wait a few seconds for my pregnant girlfriend to come up the street?
Pussy Ass Fuck Nigga: No, I run on a tight schedule.
Me: My girlfriend is pregnant. We need to catch this bus.
PAFN: Another bus will come in 10 minutes, sir. I need you to move from between the doors.
Me: 10 minutes!? Yo, I just want my girlfriend to make this bus.
PAFN: These people would be upset if they have to wait.
Me: (Looking at all the people on the bus) Would you mind waiting a little more for my pregnant girlfriend to get to the bus?
Everyone: (Shakes head no)
Me: See! They don't care.
PAFN: (Looking away from me) If I miss this light. . . (light turns red and he sucks his teeth like a bitch)

At this point, Jasmine gets on the bus. Jasmine asks me what happened and I told her "This nigga was acting like a fucking bitch." Jasmine replies "Don't say that so loud" and I said "Fuck him. As I was saying, he was whining like a female. . ." This fagamuffin then proceeds to get out of the driver seat and I was so deafened by fury that all I heard was "BLAH BLAH BLAH running your fucking mouth BLAH"

Now, I could've jumped up and turned into Rampage Jackson, but I thought about it:

1. If I fought this nigga on the bus, I would undoubtedly be arrested. What good would that do for my child and woman?
2. The people that just so graciously said they wouldn't mind waiting for my girlfriend would be lacking a bus driver because I was gonna knock this nigga's eye out of his face.
3. That would defeat the purpose of me running up the fucking street to catch it.

So I said "For the sake of her(pointing to Jasmine) and my child, I'm gonna leave it alone." We then had a quiet bus ride although this asshole drove recklessly and ran a red light and me and Jasmine got home.

The following morning, I filed a complaint because I feel like such an asshole doesn't deserve a job where he interacts with human beings. Call it snitching if you want, suck a fat one. I told the woman the whole story and she says that me holding the door on his bus was disrespectful. She decided to battle my argument with a horrible analogy stating "You holding his bus door was like if someone tried to come in your house when you told them no". I stated that my house isn't a "service to the community". This cunt also said "If the argument was that bad, why didn't he pull off". It seems she was suggesting that he should've drove off instead of waiting for my girlfriend, which also pissed me off. She says she wasn't taking his side, but I should take his emotions into consideration. As far as I'm concerned, that motherfucker doesn't have emotions. He's less than an animal to me.

I pray that he sees me on the street and remembers me and decides that he wants to think he's Jesus again, because I won't have to be so considerate to witnesses at that point. Unless Jasmine's with me.

Me Stalling Until I Do an Actual Blog Post

Brought to you by Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal

Sorry, I Thought I Was a Lizard Earlier

- I should be sleep, but let's be honest, I hate math and I doubt my grade for that class is going to be awesome.

- With a baby on the way, I need to get on my shit, though.

- No, seriously. I'm going to have to start doing homework with the baby on my lap and if he throws up on it, he goes in the box.

- That was a joke.

- Probably.

- I've realized that since Jasmine and Mini-me will be staying at my house for his first week of breathing air, mad people are going to come try to see my child.

- I don't know if I'm going to have to make a list or what, but motherfuckers ain't going to be breathing their H1N1 breath all on my son.

- I need to start stocking up on pocket hand sanitizers.

- And certain people need to be checked about shit that won't be allowed around my baby, such as cigarette smoke and being dirty.

- I'm not being funny.

- But this is funny:

atlantabrotha: @SBnewnie how can you receive head and you are a female that makes no sense.
atlantabrotha: @SBnewnie maybe cause I'm straight I don't know about any of that lezbo stuff and don't wanna know about it cause it's wrong.
SBnewnie: @atlantabrotha i am str8.. like wht dnt yu understand?? i like gettin head.. females get head.. its 2009.. niggas is DOME'n off religiously(lol@religiously)
@SBnewnie oh I gotcha you like your pussy ate oh ok I was a lil confused for a minute my bad.

- I'm trying really hard not to generalize people from Atlanta and make jokes about how dumb people from the south are, I have family down there.

- UFC game? Piff.

- My girlfriend actually got me watching Ultimate Fighting Championship. Isn't that a bitch?

- Not Jasmine. She's not a bitch.

- Seriously, I'm purchasing that game. I was going to get Fight Night, but I think I'm gonna go with mixed martial arts on this one.

- My mom isn't home and I have no stupid leaves. TeH GEYzorz.

- I mean, come on, you know something went wrong during puberty when you only think lesbians get ate out.

-

- Yoooooooooooooo, I got a son.

Snurshdurgeshdir

- They completely unblocked blogger on the Sears blocky shit. YA-HA.

- So, right, me and Jasmine saw this very, very, painfully hideous woman on Saturday. So ugly, in fact, that we had to make up a word for her:

Snurshdurgeshdir

From this point forth, Snurshdurgeshdir is a phrase to be used for someone's who's facial deficiencies are otherwordly. On a scale of 1 to 10, this title represents the negatives. A blind man could see how ugly this person is. When you say it, make sure you say it in the ugliest way you can possibly muster.

- I want to get on Lookbook.nu, but unfortunately, 75 percent of my wardrobe consists of jeans and t-shirts. Why can't you just admire how great my t-shirts are and not whether I can make a pair of Doc Martens work with a lime green cardigan?

- Baby mode is in full effect. We're planning the baby shower and are about to go get our gift registry Thursday.

- I need to plan on spending a night at my cousin Brandon's house. Brandon is my favorite cousin and I can be mega nerdy around him. This Eric you see, now? This is only half of my nerd power. When me and Brandon are around each other, I'm talking pocket protectors and pushing your glasses up nerdy.

- I'm considering making another blog, but what would it be about? Clothes? Video games? Women? I don't know.

- If I ever make a mixtape/album, I'm getting DJ Imp to hook me up with some beats. He knows my little ho brother. I also decided my rap name would be Wade Wilson. Google it. No, it's not named after the football player.

- So, I just did a pick-up for an older Asian couple and my co-worker said they had an exchange that went something like this:

Co-worker: "Do you have a car?"
Gentleman: "Yes. Do I pull it around?"
Co-Worker: "Yes"
Gentleman: "So I pull up here?"
Co-Worker: "Yes"
Gentleman: "In here?"
Co-Worker: "No, you can't drive the car into the store lol"

- Also, do me a favor and download the Cool Kids new mixtape Gone Fishin. That shit is a bang-aah.

"Pull. . . "

You ever seen in those movies where there's always a rich guy with a big ass backyard that shoots plates? Like, he'll say "pull" and someone will launch a plate in the air and the guy will shoot it out of the sky? Well, in a collaboration with Mr. Heartbreak, he sent me these pictures and I am given the task of insulting these poor people. I would like to feel sympathy, but really. Really!




I'm paralyzed because I don't know exactly how to attack these fellows. I mean, what the fuck could you possibly thinking? Like, I know you think you look nice in women's clothes because you like dick or whatever, but do you ever think "Hey, maybe I shouldn't wear this out of the house. Someone might post this on the internet and wish death on me." What the fuck is that pattern on the purple guy? Are those supposed to be hearts? I'm sorry, I can't look at this anymore. The homo level is fatal.




I don't know if Bon'Quiquiquikatrice thought it would be classy to just wear body-paint, but she's wrong. Awfully wrong. First off, her whole body isn't painted. I don't know if the nigga/niggaette that did it just got lazy like "Fuck it. You look good girl!" or if she really thought this would be awesome. And why is this scunt on the "red carpet" with a Heineken bottle and a pack of Newports?




Ah, the Burberry Behemoth. I saw her on Hot Ghetto Mess already. Believe it or not, I think the dude looks worse. This asshat got on a zoot suit on some Tom & Jerry type shit.




Oh, come on. The one on the left looks like a cyborg. They both look like gold digging vampires. They'll suck anything for some money.




I could be offended by her dress, but I saw some of those at my prom. I'm more offended that I though the nigga next to her was headless until I studied the picture. Everyone knows that people that black do not wear white. He looks like Mr. Game and Watch.

Mid-Terms for the XXL Freshman

Well, the hype was raised, there is still some hype, and now the XXL Freshman of 09 are being judged. What do I think?


Most Likely to Find Mainstream Success (or sell-out, which are similar)




Wale is a proficient enough rapper, he definitely isn't terrible. However, after seeing him ask if it would be okay for him to make a remix to "Kiss Me Through The Phone" and making his first single a song with Lady Gaga, it causes me to question his ability to, ya know, not be a sell-out.


Most Likely to Be Loved By Hip-Hop fans




Face it, Cory Gunz can spit with the best of them. I see him gaining a status similar to Jadakiss: You might not hear him in a soccer mom's van like Flo-Rida, but he'll be a prominent name in hip-hop.


Most Likely to Be Slept On and Treated Like Shit




Yeah, yeah, I know, he wears pink a lot and thinks he's Sonic the Hedgehog. Yes, he beatjacked a nigga. Yes, I heard the Rhymefest diss and he indeed scorched Charles Hamilton. None of this overshadows the fact that the Pink Lavalamp was one of the better albums released last year and it was a free download. I expect the same for his first major label release "This Perfect Life".

Most Likely to Ride On the Success of His Boss




Let's be real, how fucking lucky could you be to get picked up on Kanye's label? Let me be a little more honest: What is so special about this nigga? I find myself listening to his music, which is pretty good, but he's not exactly a rapper. Hell, he's not even a singer. He basically talks with a flow over a beat. You won't see me copping his album, but hopefully getting co-signed by Kanye is enough to keep him afloat, especially after that whole "I want to quit music because Wale said I ain't the same" fiasco.


Most Likely to Be Loved by the Underground and/or Backpackers





The dude gained following after Below the Heavens and no one has been disappointed with him yet. The thing about having fans when you're not all mainstream and dancing is that they're faithful as hell. I see Blu having a long career of critically acclaimed albums.


Most Likely to Crash and Burn



Asher. Asher, Asher, Asher. Saying you're likely to "crash and burn" isn't a jab against you, guy. I actually think you're a pretty good rapper. However, after receiving mediocre reviews and the whole "nappy-headed hoes" thing on Twitter, you need to do something. Perhaps the crowd you picked up being endorsed by Don Cannon abandoned you, who knows. What I do know is that you're going to face a lot of shit because 1) You're white and 2) Your "swag" revolves around college life, which a lot of hip-hoppers may not want to hear about. I wish you the best of luck, but really, watch it.

Most Likely to Live Up to His Comparisons



Out of all of the new "Eminems" and "Kanyes", Bobby Ray (formerly known as B.O.B. or as I call him "Dave Chappelle Jr")is the one that actually seems to emulate his influences. His main influence, being Outkast, will help his career in the long run as long as he doesn't try to sound too much like Big Boi and Andre 3K.


Most Likely to Rip Freestyling Sessions on the Radio. . . That's It





I mean, with a name like "Mickey Factz", how much do you expect from guy? I still haven't heard anything to give me an actual opinion, but the Honda commercial was enough for him to be laughable for a while.


Most Likely to remain C-list





Being affiliated with Terry Kennedy and Fly Society can only get you but so far. I've listened to at least four songs and have remained unimpressed. Hey, at least he has his 20 or so fans, right?


Most Likely to Live Up to His Expectations





Ace Hood = FAIL


Honorable Mentions

Most Likely to Speed Past All of These Niggas



It's a shame he didn't make it on to the XXL cover. Faster than you can say "But this nigga was on Degrassi", he makes a single that makes panties melt and gets niggas on his side because he can rap. A co-sign by Lil Wayne doesn't hurt too much either. I never downloaded So Far Gone, but I can't deny the dude's got talent. I, however, do not like him because he brings the possibilty of bringing light-skinned guys back. I worked too hard to lose my grip, son.

Most Likely to Succeed Without Riding His Bosses Coattails



I downloaded his mixtape, and he is good with his metaphors and similes. I wish, I really wish, he would choose better beats though. If I was Big Sean, I'd be pissed that some stoner that talkraps came out of nowhere and started stealing my shine on my label, but that would be hating. Besides the fact you have to say "pause" everytime you say his name *pause*, this dude could build up a following with his clever metaphors and delivery.

Go to Jail Card

I just logged in to my brother's myspace (Who is like the Riley to my Huey Freeman)and some bitch ignorant little girl posted a status saying:

"listen to 92Q.Free mah bestie trynna qive him attempt murder datz petty ckant believe it."

Now how the fuck is it petty to charge someone with attempted murder? If the motherfucker actually tried to kill somebody, they need to be in a jail cell. Now, knowing Baltimore police, he might not have actually had tried to kill someone and they put some bullshit on him.

Enough about her bestie, I have a problem with this shit period. This whole "Free so and so" shit has got to stop. As a people, fuck, human beings, stop the goddamn ignorance. I can understand if someone committed a victimless crime like, say, drug possession or something along those lines, but if you shoot a motherfucker, you aren't fit for society.

A nigga blows another dude's brains out and here comes his jiggaboo buddies getting shirts and shit made saying "Free Wantwon" and shit. What sense does that make? If a nigga kills another human being, why should he be allowed to walk freely in the community. I can understand self-defense (Actual self-defense. Not "this nigga whooped my ass two days ago so I shot him") or someone breaking in to your house, but just retarded nigga violence is unacceptable.

Cool, that's your homeboy and all, but he also broke a law and a fucking commandment. If one of my cousins were going to jail for aggravated assault, what could I say if he actually did it? "Oh, let him go, he cool peoples"? Nooooo, he had that shit coming.

So before you start whining about the government and police holding black people down, you should whine about you motherfuckers reacting to shit in moronic ways.

UPDATE: Turns out the girl's bestie was trying to get his phone back from some nigga that stole it and the boy's girlfriend called the police and said he tried to kill the dude. Is that the whole, truth? I don't know.

Photobucket Phunnies: Fuck

After the last random encounters I had with funny pictures on photobucket when searching "vagina", I decided I'd do it again. This time, using "fuck" (What did you expect? Penis? I don't like penis). This was hard because most of the pictures were just teenagers thinking they were rebellious or cool for putting up their middle fingers.














You know what, fuck this. I don't know when putting up your middle finger was the national pose for "I'm fucking awesome", but their are way too many retarded teenagers to go through.

I mean, really, what the fuck is up with American youth? They're so busy trying to look cool in front of their friends but seem to not realize they look really stupid. I used to do dumb shit, and now I see what it feels like to try to warn the youngsters and they don't care because they share IQ levels with fucking armadillos.

Really it's just me being frustrated because I couldn't find more funny pictures.