Saturday, August 29, 2009

Maybe Because My Talent Got Em Feeling So Inadequate

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ManfacedJeezylovingslut


- That's the Jeezy loving skank that Illseed is promoting. I'll let you form your own opinions, but I'm just going to say I wouldn't have posted the picture if I thought she was pretty.

- I'm not saying people shouldn't listen to Young Jeezy, I mean, shit, I listen to some Jeezy from time to time. However, saying that Jeezy is one of the nicest rappers rapping? How would you feel if somebody walked up to you like "You know who's a great fucking actor? Nicholas Cage" or "You know what team is going to go to the Super Bowl this year? The Kansas City Chiefs".

- Yo, what's this about Omarion getting dropped from Cash Money already? That was fast.

- I'm mad that people in Cash Money are acting like signing Bow Wow is a big deal. Check this out, Bow Wow's fall off took a drastic increase in speed after "Let Me Hold You", when he had beads in his hair. Bow Wow is tired now. People can say that at least people are talking about it, but let's be honest, no one's gonna care when his album comes out.

- That "Forever" song? Didn't really care for it. I mean, I like the whole "supertracks" where four popular rappers get on a track and shit, but now they're just becoming overhyped. Especially if it features Kanye or Lil Wayne.

- Why did my job get dehumidified? They had big ass generators outside sucking out the "moist" air and pushing hot air into the building because there was some mold downstairs allegedly.

- Now how the fuck did this get done so fast, but we still don't have working air?

- Oh, because some corporate higher-up said that "air conditioning is a luxury".

- Dick's Sporting Goods has air conditioning. Wegman's has fucking air conditioning. Motherfucking CHIPOTLE HAS AIR CONDITIONING.

- Sears Hunt Valley in Cockeysville, Maryland is petty.

- Yeah, I said it.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I'm a Fucking Animal with the Verbs and Nouns

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- I've been looking for that song for like two months.

- Well, looking means trying to remember the rest of the song by thinking of the chorus over and over again.

- I'm reading a new nigga novel called "Dogism".

- I thought that after reading "The Cake Man" (which is possibly the worst nigga novel ever written), this shit would be like Catcher in the Rye or some shit.

- It's not.

- Yo, it's hot as shit up my job. These douchebags claim that the air conditioning isn't working. I think they just aren't turning it on to save money. Maybe four days out of this entire summer the air conditioner worked.

- Sweaty MILFS are hot.

- This slutbucket on Allhiphop called "Miss Mouth" (slut name) said that Young Jeezy is the greatest rapper alive.

- I honestly believe people deserve to die for comments like that.

- Saying some shit like Young Jeezy or Lil Boosie are great rappers and shit is seriously considered a stupid and friendship-ending comment.

- Now I'm just listening to Anita Baker on youtube.

- Anita Baker is awesome.

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Advice dog Pictures, Images and Photos



- What, you thought he was gone?

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Nigga Novel Review: The Cake Man

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Maaaaaaan, I've been wondering for a while, "What could I do to make my blog interesting again? All I've been doing is posting pictures and talk about dumbshit." Well, I was reading a "nigga novel" my mother borrowed from someone called "The Cake Man". When I first read the title, I was thinking "This. . . won't end well."

So, I proceeded to read "the Cake Man" and as I read this book, I thought "Wow, this is fucking terrible. I should blog about this."

Here I am.

Well, as I've mentioned multiple times, the book is called "The Cake Man" by Gregory Dixon. Now, it's about a young man named Chris King. His father, Big George, is a drug dealer. It's a nigga novel, everyone knows there has to be at least two drug dealers in it. So, shit happens and eventually Chris' dad ends up going to jail because a rival dealer snitched on him. This forces him causes him to decide he wants to be a street pharmacist like his dear old dad.

So, there is another character they introduce in the beginning named Ali. He's the guy that snitched on George, so he's easily pushed into the important role of "evil drug dealer villain". What could anyone possibly due to make Ali a more heinous character? I know, let's make him rape a woman ten pages into the book.

Not only does he viciously rape this woman, but it seems that Gregory tried to make it sound erotic, also.

Without further hesitation, he slammed into her with only slight resistance, Yvonne's wet pussy accepted his whole length. The orgasm hit her full strength. She screamed and rocked her body, as the spasms gripped her. Finally, satiated, her body went limp.


In the author and poor Yvonne's defense, she was drugged up all the way. However, the point of writing a rape scene is not to make it sound less rape-y. Oh, but Ali sure gets his comeuppance ten pages later. The author gives him a piece of his mind, stating:

Underneath all the bluster and bullshit, he was like any bully and rapist, a coward when it came right down to it, so he'd sold his boys that tough-thug bullshit, which had come back to bite him in the ass.


YEAH, ALI! YOU BIG MEANIE. YOU DOO-DOO HEAD. Seriously, though, I don't write books, but I think it's kind of tasteless to insult your own characters (unless it's in song, like the song from the Grinch). As the author, you should know how to make your characters unlikeable enough that the reader can create their own terrible opinions about a person that's not real.

Wait, I have to talk about one of my favorite parts. Now, young Chris King starts selling drugs because his mom is like "Fuck it, though. Go for it." One night, he's working the block and gets shot at by some niggas, so he flees to a friend of his' house. This is where Jasmine is introduced. She proceeds to help him out, taking care of the cut on his leg that he received from a fence while escaping gunfire. Then, this happened.

My dick started to get hard and, wouldn't you know it, the damned thing popped through the opening in my shorts. Her eyes got big. "Damn, that's a big one. I ain't no virgin or nothing, but I only seen a couple, and they was nowhere near that big." . . . She came around and knelt between my legs. Working the shaft with both hands, she took the crown in her mouth and bobbed her head up and down, sucking gently. It felt like heaven.


That's right, we met the broad two pages ago and she's already sucking the main character's dick. Maybe it's just me, but this shit tripped me the fuck out. Maybe this is Gender and Women's Studies: Women and Race in the Media talking, but the fact that two women (Wait, three. I didn't mention that there was a sex scene between Big George and his wife) were introduced and immediately had a penis inserted into their bodies kind of rings alarms. I'd also like to ask, ladies, if you were helping a man with a leg wound, would you stop in the middle to suck his dick?

I'd also like to add that when the book starts off, he is nineteen years old. Then, at the beginning of chapter four, it says "fourteen months later. . . " and there's a sentence that says "These days, the only way a nineteen-year-old brother with no job. . . ". Why the fuck is he still nineteen?

Back to the story though. So of course Jasmine ends up becoming the love interest. Might I add that she didn't have sex with him for a while, citing the need for it to "be special". I don't see exactly how special sex can be after you just gave a man a blowjob while tending to a gash in his leg. That's some Texts From Last Night shit.

We're also eventually introduced to Vic, Chris' cousin and Chenise, Jasmine's sister. We're introduced to Chenise when Chris gropes her from the back, confusing her for her sister (See? We can't meet a single female in this book without something sexual happening within five pages.) A bunch of shit happens, they rob a truck with medical coke on it or some shit, then they kill some Mexicans in a house to work for kingpin, you know, a bunch of Grand Theft Auto shit. Eventually, due to Chris being a man, he cheats on Jasmine, she gets mad, he has to clear his mind, so what does he do? He goes to Mississippi to see his grandmother on a soul-searching trip.

She tells him some shit about David beating Goliath and becoming king and being greedy, etc. etc. It's unfortunate that he drove to Mississippi from Texas just to hear a bible story he could have read on the internet. Whatever, he comes back to Texas, but of course some shit happened while he was gone.

Ali (the big bully) tried to book Jasmine and failed miserably, leading to a bunch of guns being put in his face. As a result, he contemplates a plan and goes to the guy Vic's club opening. Chenise and Vic have a small argument and Chenise figures she'd get him back by hanging with some random niggas (foreshadowing like a bitch) Ali ends up getting Chenise, confusing her with her sister like Chris did, and proceeds to rape the SHIT out of her. Now, she's in the hospital, Chris comes back, they set up a revenge attack, they attack, no one survives.

But wait, Chris is chilling at home with his mom and Jasmine and then guess who pops up at the door? Ali (fucking coward) and his right-hand man Chino, battle-worn and bruised, armed with guns. So, Ali tells everyone that he's going to rob them and rape Chris' mom in the process. He sends Chino upstairs to get the drugs and money and Jasmine's all like "take me instead" and shit. So, she proceeds to walk in front of Ali and drop her bath robe (in front of Chris' mom, no less) and gets down on her knees. Fortunately, soon as she does, Big George lifts Ali by his neck, which somehow gives Chris the cue to run up and uppercut Ali in the nutsack. Yes, Big George ended up being the deus ex machina, saving everyone from evil Ali. George then proceeds to snap Ali's neck, like a small puppy. Oh, and they blew Chino's brains out when he came down the steps.

No one gets in trouble, no one goes to jail, we're all happy.

I'm not, that book sucked.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

HUGE THUMBTACKS

- I'm an asshole.

- Maaaan, I had to wear some tight pants at work today. I was trying to surprise one of my co-workers and when I crouched under an obstacle to get to her, my massive man-thighs caused my khakis to give way and produced a vicious rip down the left side of my pants.

- That's embarassing, bitch.

- I had to "store use" some pants, meaning I had to pick some off of the clearance rack.

- I ended up getting these pants that leave me no crotch room and barely fit around my legs.

- It felt like my dick was in jail.

- I need new work pants.

- Yo, we have this customer that comes in all the time that picks a vacuum up for repair and turns one in.

- The vacuum cleaners stay looking like shit when they bring them in.

- It looks like they beat people with them.

- I also got on the bus today and there was a girl who's ass was literally popping out the bottom of her shorts.

- I was infatuated until she got off.

- I also had a girl eyefuck me after I helped her grandparents.

- My job is awesome sometimes.

- She was of age.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Otakon 09 Pictures

Just a few though. I've been busy doing nothing. Hey, absent helps the heart grow fonder and all that crap. I figured for those of you who don't watch anime or play video games (Who doesn't? No, seriously, who doesn't do either of those?), I'd post who the people are dressing like.


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SEXT VEGETA Pictures, Images and Photos


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Zangief Pictures, Images and Photos


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taokaka Pictures, Images and Photos




I'll have more pictures later. I could lie and say that I'll post more often, but that would make me a liar. This parenting shit is harder than I thought.