Tuesday, June 29, 2010


- I want to update, I really do, but guess what?

- My fucking keyboard is broke. Unfortunately, I'm not rich like everyone else that blogs, so I have to wait until my responsibilities allow me to squeeze out some keyboard money.

- Malcolm Maximillion a.k.a "The nigga I went to middle school with" finished his album which I plan on hearing sometime soon.

- Not to mention N.I.K.E. is getting his beats rapped over when I'm not around.

- I blame being out of the loop on being the only nigga with a baby.

- Maybe I'm getting old, but teenagers dress gay nowadays.

- Not "stupid" gay, but "Ooooh, is that a dick? Do you mind if I put it in my mouth?" gay.

- I mean, if dudes were wearing their shirts extra tight and their pants way below their ass five years ago, we'd assume they were into sphincter play.

- Well, at least if you wore a tight shirt. Black men still seem to not think it's even remotely booty-bandit like to wear your pants with your boxers showing.

- And capris or as I called them, long shorts.

- I used to wear those. I deleted every picture of me wearing them.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Only Stupid People Die from Gas

I like to put people on to stuff, so you better enjoy these videos I'm about to post.

The Break Room is akin to a multiracial version of the office, although 15 minutes shorter. This web show is hilarious and filled with enough quotables to interest Judd Apatow. Maronzio Vance, who also created and writes the show, steals his creation as the "straight man" of the series. The problems in the show revolve around him, forcing him to interact with his co-workers. The chemistry between Maronzio and the co-workers is part of what makes the show so funny. Enough of me trying to be a critic, watch this shit.

Different Differences

I discovered my new favorite song of 2010 (Well, second favorite after OMG. Don't judge me.)

Might I add that the red-bone who enters at 1:08 is delectable. While watching the video, I got a sense of deja vu. That comes from the fact that the video is strongly reminiscent of one of my favorite songs/videos, "Can't Stop" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Look, they're both artsy-fartsy, weird and look like they were filmed in warehouses. Go eat yourself.

Well, point is, there are videos I've noticed over time that seem to imitate (see bite off of) other videos before it.

Rihanna "Rude Boy" imitates M.I.A. "Boyz"

If it's not obvious, you need to hop off Rihanna's dick. However, Robyn Fenty's version has better production value, less emphasis on men and more emphasis on making my pants tighter.

Rihanna "Disturbia" imitates Nine Inch Nails "Closer"

Strange, dim setting. Pasty faced humans. Jacob's Ladder style filming. However, Nine Inch Nails actually succeeds in making me totally uncomfortable watching this by myself or with company. They also succeed in making a better song. They could've just said "I wanna fuck you like an animal" the whole song and I'd like it, so my tastes aren't exactly meant to be respected. Rihanna also needs to get more creative directors.

Ne-Yo "Mad" imitates Nickelback "Someday"

Nickelback got totally swiped. These are the music video versions of the two Death at a Funerals; the original is considered better and the only reason the new one is accepted is because it has black people in it.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

You Know What Grinds My Gears?

Gay Bashing

Now, I wouldn't consider myself a gay activist, per se, but I do believe in the ethical treatment of humans. I get pissed when people compare the "battle for gay rights" to the civil rights movement of the 60's, but everyone has to admit that gay people get the shaft in the 21st century. lol, shaft.

If you've ever watched the news, you should know what I'm talking about. They always ask some old bitch what they think about gay people and they start saying "They're disgusting! They all need to die! They shouldn't be allowed to get married because faggots are gross! Ugh, yucky!" Okay, I might have over-exaggerated a smidgen, but that's only 20 percent worse.

People don't say shit like this when it comes to race (not including "illegal immigrants". American patriotism gives the okay to racism as long as they weren't born in the U.S. ((That also doesn't matter, as long as they look like they aren't from America))), gender and even age. I think it's fucked up to be able to say such cruddy shit about people without reprimand just because of what they do behind closed doors. Scissoring, reach-arounds, and sword-fighting aside, homosexual men and women were pushed out of vaginas (or stomachs) just like every other mammal.

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Except this son of a bitch: the real abomination.

One of my favorite things about gay bashers are the ridiculous reasons they have to dislike someone besides the fact that they think they shouldn't fuck someone with the same genitalia they have.

One example is that many religious nuts and other kinds of nuts think gay people shouldn't get married because marriage is sacred. As all red, white and blue-blooded Americans know, marriage is sacred as shit.

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That's some sacred ass shit right there. So, dickhead consensus is that it's okay for a mega-old supercougar to marry Al B. Sure Jr., but if two men get married, Jesus will come back and viciously eliminate all of us? Fuck you, dude.

There's also the argument that I just got hip to, which is that gay people shouldn't be together since they can't have babies. Anyone with common sense could easily counter that with "What about women who aren't able to have babies?" Then, the conversation would go something like:

Dipshit: "Women are supposed to have babies"
Smart person: "What about lesbians?"
Dipshit: "They need a penis"
Smart person: "What if someone puts their sperm in the lesbian and then she raises the baby with her partner?"

Then they lean on the most popular excuse for gay-bashing, the Bible. God said gay people are basically monsters.

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What gay people looked like before Christ

The Bible also said it was okay for a man to repopulate with his daughters and to tell a man to kill his son just to see if he would do it. The Bible was written by humans and is therefore going to be laced with bits of bias. Besides, if God made every human, and homosexuals are humans, why would God make an abomination to himself? That's like me fucking hating peppermint patties and then making a peppermint patty just to hate it.

Loud Bitches

I'm a quiet guy. Rather than yell across the street at someone that doesn't see me, I'd rather jog across and scare the shit out of them. Some call it creepy, I call it "being considerate to the fact that other people don't give a fuck about anything I have to say out of my mouth, so I'm not going to raise my voice like an assface".

Unfortunately, not everyone shares my sentiments. Being a native of Baltimore City, I had to get used to the incessant screaming of hoodrats, recognizing it as a given, much like our infamous junkies.

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Imagine seeing this every time you go to a gas station

Me, however, being the quiet guy, I dislike this shit immensely. There's nothing I hate more than sitting on the bus with 5 teenaged scumpussies in the back yelling about shit no one cares about. To make themselves even more ghetto and undesirable, they get upset when people look at them like they're retarded or decide to be extra loud when talking about someone else on the bus. Sadly, no one has directed a tirade against me, because I will shut them down properly.

One thing I dislike more than a loud female bitch is a loud male bitch. Me being my manly self, I feel that any man who does something like talk on the phone all the time without an important job or speak really loudly on the phone is a bitch. Guys don't have to talk on the phone when they're by themselves to scare people away from hollering at them, so any excuse is unacceptable.

My Son

If this nigga doesn't stop doing the same shit I told him not to do 7 seconds ago, I'm gonna drop that motherfucker.


Fuck Steve Jobs and fuck Apple.

Niggas who underrate women to look cool

Like, really? That shit gets annoying seeing people post pictures of superbad complete and agreeable, ass-hot spankable women and then seeing a comment like "thighs are too fat". What is the point of this? I refuse to believe there are men with standards that high.

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"She has elbows like Baraka"

No, really. Do you know any men (or women) with girlfriends that are "OH, HOLY FU-. . . WOW" hot? Now count the amount of men (or women) you know with normal attractive girlfriends. I assure you the ratio of "WHOA, ARE YOU REAL?" hot girlfriends to "I'd beat" girlfriends are about 1:6, respectively. I'm not saying men don't have standards, but I find it dishonest to pretend that you're standards for a woman's body have shit to do with whether you'd be naked around her or not. I mean, honestly, I don't care about a chick's calf muscles or neck length. What matters is "is she hot?" and "will anything on her make me uncomfortable visually or physically mid-coitus?"

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Swaggasaurus Rex

- Maaaaaaaaan.

- So, I've been neglecting this blog, but I'm going to keep it up. (Insert lie about updating more). I've seriously thought about the fact that I don't post as much because I'm not being my full-on, nerdy self. Most of the shit I end up posting is about music and pop culture (I hate that word). I figured I might as well start being my MMA-loving, video-game playing, weird-shit lovings self. Hopefully no one will mind since only two people remember this place. I want to be able to document myself and the times so when I press a button on the side of my face in 50 years so I can surf the internet in my cornea, I can say "Damn. . . I was fucking awesome".

- I'm tripping off of Republicans right now. I didn't pay a lot of attention to political shit when Bill "Skeet Skeet" Clinton was in office; all I cared about at that point was the Power Rangers and trying to be attractive to girls. However, I'm pretty sure that Republicans weren't threatening lives and creating conspiracy theories. There are a group of people called "Birthers" who think Barack Hussein Obama was born in Kenya and his offical fucking U.S. documents are fake. They honestly believe this. I'm flabbergasted.

I also hear they sent death threats to congressmen over the Health Care bill being passed. I've realized that these nutty right-wing conservatives really solve everything with violence. This also comes to light when you consider that spending billions on a war isn't as expensive as providing a bunch of people with healthcare they didn't have before. That's like saying you'd rather donate money to the NRA than Red Cross.

- My son is now 10 months old and he's trying to walk. He annoys me to no end and it's worse because I'm not allowed to be mad at him. A majority of the time he spends awake at my house is spent either trying to crawl up the steps or escape through a door. He does dance and wave, now. He also screams really loud like a little asshole.

As he gets bigger everyone says he's starting to look like me.

baby,cute,cute babies

You will get over the picture size.

He also loves Yo Gabba Gabba, which is the best children's show ever and I wish they had it when I was 5.

- I want to knee both of my brothers in the chest.

- Yo, I swear if this nigga wake my son up, I'm going to strangle him Homer Simpson style.

- I need to do more phone conversations with my brother on the blog. He is a manslut.

- This picture is horrifying mind rape at it's finest. It's face has fucking faces.


Saturday, April 3, 2010

Go E-Rich, It's your birthday. Yes, for real real. Not for play play.

I will be updating this throughout the day, possibly with pictures and videos. First:

These things made my birthday:

- Apparently, there's going to be an entire project called ALL CITY CHESS CLUB featuring Lupe Fiasco, Charles Hamilton, The Cool Kids, Asher Roth, B.O.B. J. Cole, Diggy and Wale. That's ridiculous because all of them have been on my mp3 player at one time or another.

- The Clipse is going to be at the Sonar on May 3rd, which means I will be back with awesome pictures. I've been waiting for the Clipse to come to Baltimore for like two years. Maybe Pusha T will touch my hand. I'm not even going to pause that. Think what you want.


Thanks, Dioracat!


Thank you, Bria Myles, for existing.

Monday, March 29, 2010

I'm Just Humoring Myself

0:09 That Bank of America sign is what made me post this. Now, I must find more hilarity in the latest video from Soulja Boy's footstool. No, seriously, I fucks with Bank of America and all, but that had nothing to do with anything. I withdraw from ATMs, too, nigga.

0:15 Like, really, there's no need for the camera to be this shaky in a music video. I'm getting seasick. I'm lying, I've been feeling like this since I started the video.

0:21 An empty parking lot. This shit is gonna be so bad.

0:23 This nigga looks like a light-skinned Soulja Boy. What?

0:25 . . . I thought Arab was here last year? I mean, I don't see this nigga getting on XXL lists anytime soon. Then again, they had OJ Da Juiceman. "I got six rings like a basketball player. Freshman of the year like a basketball, player." That's two bars from his freestyle.

0:29 Credits at the beginning of the video that looks like credits for the end of a video? This shit is like a middle school film project.

0:35 "I am not you, you are not me" That's not how you start a song off.

0:38 He said "you are making light-skin look slopply" That's how he said it. I might not make it to 1 minute.

0:45 This nigga just rhymed "I'm the best" with "I'm the best". We got to do better.

0:47 This nigga put up a picture in the middle of a video like a youtube slide show. Your best friend is dumb rich and was fucking Rosa Acosta and this is the best you can do?

0:51 "I got skills. I got swag. You got skills. With no swag." Oh, God. My head, hurts.

0:57 He rhymed "dog" with "low". I'm about to kill myself.

1:20 For 16 seconds this nigga just had a picture of himself looking like OJ Da Juiceman's gay little brother.

This dude in the comments said Arab got lips like his ex-wife.

. . .

Let me check my gaydar

nigga you gay Pictures, Images and Photos

2:00 The fact that people gave him encouragement to make a mixtape of this lyrical feces shows that Soulja Boy is not a good leader. Now back in the Wu-Tang Clan days, RZA would've shut this shit down immediately.

2:21 "I spit rhymes. Fuck a metaphor."

2:34 Fuck this. I quit. This shit is literally giving me a migraine.

To make up for this, I offer you this golden nugget of comedy. Imagine the exact opposite of Arab's lyrics and flow, but animated.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Jun Seba R.I.P.


More popularly known as "Nujabes", Jun Seba passed away in late February in a car accident. He gained popularity when he produced a nice chunk of the music for Samurai Champloo, using a jazzy, melodic production style. I'd even go as far as saying he's like a Japanese J Dilla, and unfortunately they share another similarity.

I find it kind of fucked up that his label kept this secret for, like, 3 weeks, but it makes sense. The fact that no one found out before today shows how mysterious he really was. You rarely see interviews or pictures of him partying besides DJing, but with music like his, you don't need a public persona.

Much like Dilla. See?

I'd put this beat in my top 20 favorite beats ever.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Take You to the Movies (Like That African Dude)

Legend of the Guardians

I was sold soon as the owl flew in front of the screen with the helmet on. It's made by the same guys that made Happy Feet, so I'm expecting high-quality and more freak-dancing fowl.

Death at a Funeral

I unfortunately discovered that this is based on an English movie that came out 3 YEARS AGO. However, I would still go see this for Tracy Morgan and Martin Lawrence possibly being old funny Martin. And understanding more about the whole fucking a gay midget thing.

Knight and Day

I thought this would be ridiculous, but this trailer actually turned out being pretty funny. After Tom Cruise did this

I'm pretty much going to think everything he's in is funny. I almost forget he's a scientologist sometimes.


Marmaduke Trailer - The funniest videos are a click away

Are you fucking serious?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Five Words

Rihanna makes me horny again.

Lady gaga Pictures, Images and Photos

Still think that's a hermaphrodite.

Mi BabI Pictures, Images and Photos

"Ka-Pow. Ow, that shit hurt."


Dinosaurs are fucking bad ass.


Ladawn Black is so hot.


No PS3. Having suicidal thoughs.


Perfect example of a butterface.


No shame in owning this.


Of course it's the Bible.


I'm sick of your song.

Sunday, February 21, 2010


DISCLAIMER: Look, if you wanna read these, you gonna have to click on them. I don't feel like resizing this shit.











The Day After Tomorrow


- Man, Baltimore got hit with two big ass snow storms two weeks ago, but so did the rest of the northeast of America.

- I went to spend a night over my baby mama/future fiancee house and the damn power went out that night.

- The next day we trudged 1 and half miles through about 2 feet of snow during the blizzard to take E3 to my house. That shit was like something out of an adventure book. I almost didn't make it.

- I had to take his ass in the house, then turn around and get Jasmine, moving like a turtle out this ho.

- I like how it was like 3 feet of snow outside, but all of the liquor stores were still open. Not that I'm complaining.

- Some douche bag left his van in the middle of our street to go to Super Bowl party. That bitch was there for four days.

- Me and a bunch of my neighbors ended up shoveling most of the street so people can get their cars out.

- Speaking of cars, I got my license. Too bad I don't have a car.

- I could steal one, it's in my blood.

- My mom's going to read that and snitch on me.

- I've considered putting out a mixtape. In all seriousness.

- I mean, I always talk about how much rappers suck, so why not prove I wouldn't suck.

- Stop laughing.

- My son can crawl now. He can also slap you back if you hit his hand.

- I see him getting punished a lot in his future.

No, Let's Not Do It

Facepalm Pictures, Images and Photos

So, right, I figured I'd come back (and hopefully stay) to talk about something that's been irking me the past two days. Popular rookie rapper and future one hit wonder Wacka Flocka has made a controversial confession in Whoo Kid interview where he basically admits he can't rap.

“It ain't got nothing to do with lyrics. I ain't got no lyrics.”

“That's when I don't trip when niggas be like, ‘Man, shawty can't rap'. The nigga that everybody say is lyrical, they ain't got no shows.”

“I don't even care about selling records. As long as I get them shows for $15,000, four to five days out the week, I'm happy.”


So, right, I'm not surprised. Everyone knows Wacka Flocka can't rap.

I'd also like to add he has one of the top five worst rap names in the world. It sounds like a Nick Jr. Show.


Everyone knows Wacka Flocka can't rap. Even his fans. A friend of mine happens to be an avid Wacka Flocka fan. I dare not pursue an argument with this woman, because she is much like the rap fans who wear "FREE _____" shirts after a nigga kills someone. Now, I'm glad he admitted it to, but to claim rappers who actually enunciate their words and use metaphors "don't get no money" is merely ignorant.

I mean, it's really easy to say someone isn't getting money just because you don't see them. I mean, he's doing shows in Georgia, Texas, New Orleans, etc. while the "niggas with lyrics" are performing in Germany, Japan and France. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Now, the actual offense I take from his statement says a lot about rap as a whole. You'll never hear a country singer say "I can't sing. I just say the words. The people who do sing don't make any money." Nor will you hear a member of a rock band say "I can't play drums. I just bang on these shits and people pay for it."

I have no one to blame for Juaquin's (is that how you spell it?) attitude but the people that buy his shit, and Yung Joc's shit and Young Jeezy's shit and the list goes on. Having rappers admit they can't rap is a slap in the face to the music and the artists who paved the way for this. Method Man, among others, already have their opinion about Juaquin's statement, and I'm sure there are more.

Let's see where this nigga career goes, because rappers like Jibbs and 2 Pistols sucked dick at being able to rap and I haven't heard from any of them. I hope he doesn't perform in New York anytime soon. Or Detroit. I heard they fight over shit like that there.

When the fuck did I get 73 followers?