Thursday, April 30, 2009

Mid-Terms for the XXL Freshman

Well, the hype was raised, there is still some hype, and now the XXL Freshman of 09 are being judged. What do I think?

Most Likely to Find Mainstream Success (or sell-out, which are similar)

wale Pictures, Images and Photos

Wale is a proficient enough rapper, he definitely isn't terrible. However, after seeing him ask if it would be okay for him to make a remix to "Kiss Me Through The Phone" and making his first single a song with Lady Gaga, it causes me to question his ability to, ya know, not be a sell-out.

Most Likely to Be Loved By Hip-Hop fans

cory gunz Pictures, Images and Photos

Face it, Cory Gunz can spit with the best of them. I see him gaining a status similar to Jadakiss: You might not hear him in a soccer mom's van like Flo-Rida, but he'll be a prominent name in hip-hop.

Most Likely to Be Slept On and Treated Like Shit

charles hamilton Pictures, Images and Photos

Yeah, yeah, I know, he wears pink a lot and thinks he's Sonic the Hedgehog. Yes, he beatjacked a nigga. Yes, I heard the Rhymefest diss and he indeed scorched Charles Hamilton. None of this overshadows the fact that the Pink Lavalamp was one of the better albums released last year and it was a free download. I expect the same for his first major label release "This Perfect Life".

Most Likely to Ride On the Success of His Boss

KID CUDI Pictures, Images and Photos

Let's be real, how fucking lucky could you be to get picked up on Kanye's label? Let me be a little more honest: What is so special about this nigga? I find myself listening to his music, which is pretty good, but he's not exactly a rapper. Hell, he's not even a singer. He basically talks with a flow over a beat. You won't see me copping his album, but hopefully getting co-signed by Kanye is enough to keep him afloat, especially after that whole "I want to quit music because Wale said I ain't the same" fiasco.

Most Likely to Be Loved by the Underground and/or Backpackers

Blu Pictures, Images and Photos

The dude gained following after Below the Heavens and no one has been disappointed with him yet. The thing about having fans when you're not all mainstream and dancing is that they're faithful as hell. I see Blu having a long career of critically acclaimed albums.

Most Likely to Crash and Burn

ASHER ROTH Pictures, Images and Photos

Asher. Asher, Asher, Asher. Saying you're likely to "crash and burn" isn't a jab against you, guy. I actually think you're a pretty good rapper. However, after receiving mediocre reviews and the whole "nappy-headed hoes" thing on Twitter, you need to do something. Perhaps the crowd you picked up being endorsed by Don Cannon abandoned you, who knows. What I do know is that you're going to face a lot of shit because 1) You're white and 2) Your "swag" revolves around college life, which a lot of hip-hoppers may not want to hear about. I wish you the best of luck, but really, watch it.

Most Likely to Live Up to His Comparisons

B.O.B.,rapper,XXL Freshmen

Out of all of the new "Eminems" and "Kanyes", Bobby Ray (formerly known as B.O.B. or as I call him "Dave Chappelle Jr")is the one that actually seems to emulate his influences. His main influence, being Outkast, will help his career in the long run as long as he doesn't try to sound too much like Big Boi and Andre 3K.

Most Likely to Rip Freestyling Sessions on the Radio. . . That's It

mickey factz for Pictures, Images and Photos

I mean, with a name like "Mickey Factz", how much do you expect from guy? I still haven't heard anything to give me an actual opinion, but the Honda commercial was enough for him to be laughable for a while.

Most Likely to remain C-list

curreny Pictures, Images and Photos

Being affiliated with Terry Kennedy and Fly Society can only get you but so far. I've listened to at least four songs and have remained unimpressed. Hey, at least he has his 20 or so fans, right?

Most Likely to Live Up to His Expectations

ace hood Pictures, Images and Photos

Ace Hood = FAIL

Honorable Mentions

Most Likely to Speed Past All of These Niggas

Drake Pictures, Images and Photos

It's a shame he didn't make it on to the XXL cover. Faster than you can say "But this nigga was on Degrassi", he makes a single that makes panties melt and gets niggas on his side because he can rap. A co-sign by Lil Wayne doesn't hurt too much either. I never downloaded So Far Gone, but I can't deny the dude's got talent. I, however, do not like him because he brings the possibilty of bringing light-skinned guys back. I worked too hard to lose my grip, son.

Most Likely to Succeed Without Riding His Bosses Coattails

Big Sean Pictures, Images and Photos

I downloaded his mixtape, and he is good with his metaphors and similes. I wish, I really wish, he would choose better beats though. If I was Big Sean, I'd be pissed that some stoner that talkraps came out of nowhere and started stealing my shine on my label, but that would be hating. Besides the fact you have to say "pause" everytime you say his name *pause*, this dude could build up a following with his clever metaphors and delivery.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Go to Jail Card


I just logged in to my brother's myspace (Who is like the Riley to my Huey Freeman)and some bitch ignorant little girl posted a status saying:

"listen to 92Q.Free mah bestie trynna qive him attempt murder datz petty ckant believe it."

Now how the fuck is it petty to charge someone with attempted murder? If the motherfucker actually tried to kill somebody, they need to be in a jail cell. Now, knowing Baltimore police, he might not have actually had tried to kill someone and they put some bullshit on him.

Enough about her bestie, I have a problem with this shit period. This whole "Free so and so" shit has got to stop. As a people, fuck, human beings, stop the goddamn ignorance. I can understand if someone committed a victimless crime like, say, drug possession or something along those lines, but if you shoot a motherfucker, you aren't fit for society.

A nigga blows another dude's brains out and here comes his jiggaboo buddies getting shirts and shit made saying "Free Wantwon" and shit. What sense does that make? If a nigga kills another human being, why should he be allowed to walk freely in the community. I can understand self-defense (Actual self-defense. Not "this nigga whooped my ass two days ago so I shot him") or someone breaking in to your house, but just retarded nigga violence is unacceptable.

Cool, that's your homeboy and all, but he also broke a law and a fucking commandment. If one of my cousins were going to jail for aggravated assault, what could I say if he actually did it? "Oh, let him go, he cool peoples"? Nooooo, he had that shit coming.

So before you start whining about the government and police holding black people down, you should whine about you motherfuckers reacting to shit in moronic ways.

UPDATE: Turns out the girl's bestie was trying to get his phone back from some nigga that stole it and the boy's girlfriend called the police and said he tried to kill the dude. Is that the whole, truth? I don't know.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Photobucket Phunnies: Fuck

After the last random encounters I had with funny pictures on photobucket when searching "vagina", I decided I'd do it again. This time, using "fuck" (What did you expect? Penis? I don't like penis). This was hard because most of the pictures were just teenagers thinking they were rebellious or cool for putting up their middle fingers.

THE FUCK? Pictures, Images and Photos

Fuck You Pictures, Images and Photos

WHO FUCK Pictures, Images and Photos

fuck idaho Pictures, Images and Photos

Fuck it Pictures, Images and Photos

Fuck Houses Pictures, Images and Photos

You know what, fuck this. I don't know when putting up your middle finger was the national pose for "I'm fucking awesome", but their are way too many retarded teenagers to go through.

I mean, really, what the fuck is up with American youth? They're so busy trying to look cool in front of their friends but seem to not realize they look really stupid. I used to do dumb shit, and now I see what it feels like to try to warn the youngsters and they don't care because they share IQ levels with fucking armadillos.

Really it's just me being frustrated because I couldn't find more funny pictures.


- Uncharted 2 is getting multiplayer. God of War III, Tekken 6, Brutal Legend. . . It's like Sony wants all of my money.

- I would love to slide Mary Mary for using auto-tune, but the Gospel Shield of Jesus protects them.

- The same reason they didn't boo terrible singers at the Apollo if they sang a gospel song.

- Whatever happened to Showtime at the Apollo?

- Today has been a lazy day. I didn't do shit except rake leaves. This "Winter straight to Summer" thing is overwhelming.

- I bought the Orange Box. I love Half-Life 2 and I need that game in my life. Forever.

- I know ya'll want to know about the baby. He's alive. And he kicks a lot.

- I don't know what I just did to my shoulder, but it hurts like a break-up.

- Me, Jasmine and Jamie --


- That's Jamie. She's white. And a girl.

- We were at the harbor and a dog sprayed it's shit on the ground. Some girl stepped in it. Ew.

- We did other shit, but I don't feel like talking about it. I'm LAZY 2 DAY.

- I'm going to type like a moron just to see how it feels.



- That shit was really hard to do. It's difficult to believe people do that shit effortlessly.

- This guy tried to argue with me on youtube, but he just kept calling me gay and saying I like it when men nut on my back, so it wasn't really noteworthy.

- Why can't I ever find someone that shares my wit and sense of humor so that we can have an epic battle of minds? Because it's the internet.

- If I stand outside, I'm going to feel like I'm being sandwiched by fat women because it's so damn spicy outside.

- SMH:


- I didn't want to post any bucketheads, but this bitch was asking for it. The caption for the picture says "Mii B@Bii SAY FUCK U HATERS!!!!"

- In response, I said:

Oh, wow. I need to upload this as a smaller picture so I can post you on my blog and make fun of you. Surely you are an embarrassment to black people everywhere. I should know, since I am a black person and you are indeed embarrassing the shit out of my skin color.

- She deserved it.

- Why do these scunts feel that they don't need maternity clothes? When your stomach sticks out like that, you can't wear jeans with buttons and belts anymore.

- And I know they can fucking afford it because these bitches be buying clothes at the motherfucking mall but don't go in one place that sells maternity clothes.

- You know what, I just need a whole other blog where I just get on people, but that would make this one less interesting.

dat ass Pictures, Images and Photos

Friday, April 24, 2009

Display Pictures That Make Me SMH and/or LOL

ρяєтту туєღ |.вad вιтcн.|т.σ.є.♀


Because putting "SINGLE" in big ugly letters on a picture is totally going to get you some dick.

♥Fuck It!!!!!™


But on the other hand, nothing gets penises pointing in your direction like the "drunken whore" swag.

I'd beat, though.



You couldn't possibly fathom how hard I laughed when I saw this. When quitting masturbation is such a great accomplishment that you have to wear a shirt saying you don't do it anymore in public, you need to evaluate where you're going with your life.

Masturbating is awesome.

Onyx.™.Love Knock Down.


If that Louis Vuitton bandana is real, my fruit of the loom underclothes are fake.

•com .


This is offensive to Mexicans. She has on a sombrero and she drew a moustache on her face. She's a racist.



Slash Pictures, Images and Photos

long hair thick redbone♥


Not only did she use demotivators incorrectly, but she made it into a Wanted poster. I just want to kick her in the pussy.

TaTtOoEd Up WiN i TaKe OfF mY sHiRt


Wow, this nigga is an asshead. He got the star Lil Wayne's boyfriend Baby has tattooed on his chest, along with angel wings that have feathers that look like shards of glass. He also has the Famous Stars & Straps logo tattooed on both sides of his chest.

I can't wait until he hits the point where he realizes he failed as a black man.

{~haters just kno i keep dem goons around mii when


First off, these custom BAPE cartoons went out of style when I graduated from high school. Second off, he's supposed to be a crip. There's nothing that says "intimidating gangbanger" like an adorable cartoon that looks like it was drawn by an eight year old.

You see how much I must suffer to entertain you people.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

All Homo

This is the gayest thing I've come across in a long time.

- Apparently these niggas buy their pants from Forever 21

- They're dancing (If you can call that shit that) to a song called "You're a jerk"

- If Steve Urkel was dancing. . . and he suffered from brain damage recently. . . and was doing a mating dance looking for a man. . . this is what it would look like.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Display Names That Make Me LOL II

1. ♥SIMONE is FANCY {ILLEGAL}- I have no idea what this means.

2. {A.N.T} She Is A Tiger [Rated R] - I hope he's not talking about his sex partner, because last I heard, bestiality is illegal in Maryland. Plus tigers will kill you.

3. HE TELLS ME I'M ADORABLE - He probably tells everyone that when they give him blowjobs.

4. Jason's Official MySpace - It's funny because he's not famous.

5. {WoOoW3rz} Th3s3z ChAiNz..... - . . . Still don't know what this shit means.

6. (T@hti@na@>:Miss Congeniality - I bet if Firefox didn't have auto-spell check, congeniality would've been spelled wrong. She still doesn't know what it means, though.

7. U will be cut off just watch but i still luv ya - Talk about bipolar.

8. khaki♥ - "She look like a pair of khakis" - Terrell

9. D∀t By₮cH is ∀ JOK∋ 2 Me - How do these kids get past 6th grade?

10. NEW ME AND IM LOVEING IT TO THE FULLIST - It's sad because unlike these other dolts, he probably thought he was spelling this shit right.

11. Swaganair - I just wanna punch this nigga for that name.

12. page under construction - If it takes you so long to fix your myspace that you have to put "under construction", then you probably shouldn't have one in the first place.

13. "IM A HUGE ROCK FAN GET OVER IT" - This nigga like 6 years late since hella black people openly listen to rock music now. He might as well have just said "I'M A TOTAL FUCKING POSER GET OVER IT"

14. ღDouqalss Badmitton Record 9-1ღ - I can't talk because I wrestled, but who gives a fuck about Badminton? And how do you play a sport and not know how to spell it?

15. wishin mii man was true 2 mii - Then why don't you leave him, you dumb skeezer?

16. NO BITCH AINT GOT SHIT ON ME!!! - That's a double negative. So you saying that there are bitches that "got shit" on you. That's disgusting.

17. LIL WOODY ALL DAY - Pause.

18. I Graduated But Aint Nothing Change Im The Same! - And that's why you're going to end up with a bad job.

19. WHERE IS HE :( - Not with you.

20. { &ND TRUTH IZ I DONT WANT 2 LOST HIM}} - Wow. That spelling error was so bad I'm not even going to get on her. I just feel bad for her whole existence.

21. I KNOW U LOOKIN @ MY PAGE THINKIN DAMN I MISS HER! - Teenage girls are so naive it makes my life ache.

22. мяs.ρєяƒєcŧ|.o°•chєckk.мє.out!•°o< - Kill yourself in the most vicious way possible.

23. *In Love with my imagination* - and that's why you'll die a virgin.

24. ╔╝╚╗⌠¬.¬⌡╔╝╚╗ - Fuck you and your future.

25. sexy gril - It's sad that I'm only 20 and I'm already complaining about how dumb kids are.

26. FUCK DEY DO DAT AT? BITCH - You get the Nigger of the Week award for this one.

27. ~YO Y MIS NINAS NO NECESITAN NINGUN NIGGA~ - Me and my girls don't need something. I don't know, my Spanish is rusty. What I do know is that teaching these ignorant children new ways to say dumb shit is why they're closing down Baltimore high schools.

28. HeSs BaCkK[♥ Uu MikE]AnDd GoIng 2 StaY 4 A WhiLE - Notice how she said he's back and going to stay for a while? She's basically admitting he's going to leave her again.

29. SIN(SEXY INTELLIGENT NICE) - I wonder what goes through their heads when they make this shit up and type it.

30. {~haters just kno i keep dem goons around mii when - Wait, for the finale, I need to post this dude's headline.

"yall dam ass ass niggas need to stop hate on a nigga in a damn life to live cuz nigga yu hate cuz yu cant live mines dats why yu hate damn man get on my level get on some grown man shit like mii !!!!"

It is my personal opinion that when men keep whining about haters, they come off feminine to me. I understand women whining about haters because chicks be mad at each other over silly shit, but dudes? Either shut up or off yourself.

I need to do a "display pictures that make me LOL". I've seen some funny shit.

Another Really Bad Song - The Same Dude

*sigh* Here we go:

0:20 - What the fuck just happened?

0:30 - I'm sorry, the cheesiness of the video took me by surprise.

0:33 - From the various shots of the dance floor, I see they used the **"brown paper bag" test when choosing women to be in the video.

0:42 - Oh, God, what is he doing?

0:46 - I wonder if anyone told him that those women lack ass.

0:50 - No. They don't expect me to believe that woman is his mother. She has to be at least 2/3 his age.

0:51 - Lawl @ his snow bunny hiding behind the door.

0:56 - Yo, they look like the Sims the way they are arguing. I also realized his "mom" is fresher than him. Fail.

1:04 - Whoa. She came out of nowhere looking like she came from The Matrix.

1:11 - That's some terrible popping and locking. Who has popping and locking in their videos anymore?

1:15 - I knew he couldn't go an entire video without doing some blatantly terrible dance moves.

1:29 - Who are these niggas? Is that his "mom" over there?

1:40 - From attempting to understand what the hell he's saying, I think the song is about his mom's disapproval of his rabid lust for white vagina.

1:45 - It's like they tried their best to find the lamest looking white dudes in the world. Can't have anyone looking cooler than raisin face.

1:48 - What is this broad doing?

1:54 - Is that Asher Roth?

1:58 - I know people beat him up in school. If they didn't, then they should have.

2:06 - I don't like that guy.

2:10 - Oh, shit, she's singing, too.

2:17 - He doesn't even have to dance. Just moving around makes him look like a damn buffoon.

2:30 - . . . What. . .

2:35 - Why does he have his hoodie off of his shoulders like that's what's hot in the streets? This video is like a montage of shit that was cool in the late 90s.

2:44 - He fails at singing and rapping and he's dark as all hell. He's like the anti-Drake.

2:50 - "Far from a gangster" I believe he's far from a lot of things, gangster being one of the more obvious, of course.

3:00 - He finally stopped rapping. That shit was brutal.

3:09 - Wow, that little move they did was so lame and prepubescent.

3:19 - Ew, she touched his face.

3:20 - Ah, shit, he's dancing with the dancers now.

3:27 - Who did that camera work and editing for this video? He/she must have down syndrome.

3:43 - Did that dame have a unibrow?

3:53 - Ha! Yo bucked at the girl. That was funny.

3:59 - Mmm, worthwhile buttcheeks.

4:02 - Oh, come on, what do these niggas have to do with anything?

4:13 - What the fuck is he doing behind her?

4:16 - Is that his mom stopping the. . . intimidating guys? I'm so confused.

I hope this dude makes another Treasure in You. This was just confusing and had less terrible dancing.

** The brown paper bag test is when you compare the darkness of one's skin to a paper bag. If they are as dark or darker than the bag, then they fail. Yung Berg is one of the more popular users of this test.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A Really Bad Song - Some African Guy(No racism)

Let's list the things wrong with this God-forsaken video:

0:10 - What the fuck was that move he just did?

0:17 - Not only did that scare the shit out of me the first three times I heard it, but that dance move he just did has got to be one of the most hilarious body movements I've ever seen. Yo, that was a black woman that sang and they didn't even show her whole face. You'll see why this is fucked up later.

0:18 - He looks like a California raisin. No, seriously, he's so black he's fucking purple.

0:19 - That was gay.

0:38 - He's done so many terrible dance moves up to this point I couldn't possibly take the arduous task of making fun of each one. This chick he's after, her face have to many sharp angles. Less than 90 degrees.

0:45 - Did he just drug her?

0:50 - Oh, yeah an extremely black man putting a coat over a passed out white woman in a bar. That's the exact opposite of suspicious.

1:00 - He really just looked retarded when he did that.

1:11 - Like, dead ass, who told this man he could dance?

1:13 - Now he's just sitting next to her. I'm pretty sure someone would've called the cops by now.

0:17 - I just had to go back to that. That was fucking hilarious.

1:18 - I think his hairline is allergic to his eyebrows. That would explain his "fivehead".

1:19 - Wait. Wait a MOTHERFUCKING MINUTE. Those are nothing but white women. I'm not saying a black guy shouldn't have a preference for pink nipples, but you can't be that black and only have Caucasian women in your video. That's against some sort of unwritten rule.

1:23 - I like how they all ran like "Bitch, you on your own".


1:36 - I really wish he would stop dancing. He's ruining my life.

1:55 - I wonder if his friends were watching him dance just going "Pause. Pause. Pause. . ."

1:58 - That's the ugliest fucking spin I've ever seen.

2:05 - I'm going to assume she's running from Flava Flav.

2:06 - Come on, now. Jaguar's haven't been balling since 1998.

2:16 - He's way too pissed off.

2:33 - I think he has cerebral palsy.

2:36 - Who are these dancing motherfuckers and what do they have to do with Treasure and date rape?

3:10 - Someone, anyone, needs to just make a compilation of all his dance moves. I'd pay for that.

3:34-3:38 - I try to ignore him, I do, but then he does some horrific moves that make me laugh.

3:48 - Note to video directors: Women sitting there looking bored? Doesn't make me horny.

3:57 - You hear that shit? What the fuck WAS THAT?

4:10 - This dude's falsetto makes me want to stab someone.

4:16 - If a white person was talking about how much they hate black people and how bad we are for the world and they presented this as evidence, even Obama couldn't combat that.

4:28 - You expect me to believe that she wants this guy? Like, that illusion defies logic to the point that it goes past not making sense and makes sense again.

Good news (for you). He has another terrible video and I swear I'm posting that one, too. With commentary.

My mom was offended by the lack of Nubian queens.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

For the Fellas That Still Think Booking Females on the Internet is for Nerds

Stolen from G-Ron by the way.

I didn't want to just steal his video for the people that read my blog, so I have something to say about each of these poor bastards.

1. Mr. "PLEASE!?" - This just comes off really pathetic. When a chick says "No", you should take it for its most popular connotation, which is fucking "No".

2. Mr. "So you can't have friends?" - What the fuck is this shit about? Many a nigga has tried this stunt on my girl, so I asked her if I could record an audio message on her phone saying "Hello, this is her boyfriend saying no, she can't have friends with penises that she has not known prior to March 23, 2007, you lame ass nigga."

3. Mr. "Damn! She isn't going to call me!" - Now, I understand this one. When a chick says "I'll take your number, though", it's basically the easiest way to let a dude down since you're not actually saying something negative. Men, however, have realized over the years that it means "There is a very small chance I'm going to call you, so don't hold your breath."

4. Mr. "FLIP THE SCRIPT" - These are by far the worse perpetrators of failing to bounce back from rejection. Instead of saying "That's cool" and going on to find other fish in the sea with coochies he wants to have sex with, he cusses out the chick that turned him down. You can't try to get a woman's number and then turn around and say "Fuck you, bitch! You ugly anyway!" That's like offering someone some food, then when they say "No thanks" you start telling them "Yo fat ass don't need it anyway!" I understand that the whole thing is a ploy to wound her pride as much as she wounded yours, but dude, grow the fuck up.

5. Mr. "Not taking no for an answer" - That nigga's a criminal. If you can manage to call the police, he will dissipate because he surely has existing warrants. He probably also has a shower daddy who's feeling lonely without his old cellmate/butt buddy.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

What Me and My Brother Talk About On the Phone(Guest starring Jasmine again)

Terrell: You tell Jade(Jasmine's sister) I have a crush on her
Jasmine: No
Me: He's legal now
Jasmine: (Telling Jade he's legal). . . Oh, stop that! Don't get that look on your face. He is not a sweetheart, he is a hooker!


Terrell: Jasmine sensitive.
Me: Jasmine's more sensitive than infant clit.


Jade:(To Jasmine)Do you have a heart underneath all that booby?


Terrell: Me and Jordan(Jasmine's brother) had a conversation about being uncles.
Jade: We're family now.
Me:(singing) We are a family, like a giant tree! Branching into the skyyyyyyyy!
Jasmine: You both are gay.
Me: Yep, that's Jasmine now.


Me: Do you like fishsticks?
Terrell: Do you?
Me: Nigga, do you like fishsticks!?
Terrell: No.
Me: Ah, fuck. . . you sure?
Terrell: Hold on, dickhead.
Me: Dammit.


Terrell: Yo gay! He said he confused.
Me: I don't like your tone of jokes. I'm gonna cauterize your butthole shut and feed you laxatives.


Me: What did you just eat?
Jasmine: Pizza and apple juice.
Me: It sound like you just ate a human being.


Terrell: Whooooo! My bad. I always get hype playing basketball and footbal.
Me: Nothing gets him horny like watching sweaty black men rubbing against each other.


Jasmine: If I wanted to pay 78 dollars for a crib, how much would you put up?
Me: 78.
Jasmine: Why?
Me: Because it costs less than I expected so I can still get some Yeezy's.


Me: Keebduhpigjuhugot
Terrell: What?
Me: Keebduhpigjuhugot
Terrell: What?


Terrell: Why don't you like Hawaiian Punch?
Me: Because she's anti-black.
Jasmine: How is that black?
Me: Because it gives us diabetes.


Jasmine: I wish I had an afro like Beyonce's. A nice 70s afro.
Me: Oh! I thought you said you wish you had an "asshole" like Beyonce's.
Jasmine: Yeah. . . I don't know what her asshole looks like.
Me: I would love to find out.


Me: Damn, whatever happened to Theardra? I haven't heard from her in, like, months.
Jasmine: We talked to her last week.
Me: Look, I got really high twice in the past week.


Me: (Talking about a girl that called Jasmine a clown) That was very bold. Jasmine usually attacks people for saying shit like that.
Jasmine: What?
Me: Nothing. You a cutie pie.


Me: Why does Timothy(Nikavelli) look just like Timbaland? It's like Timbaland was making a beat and then he suddenly started grunting and pulled a chunk of himself out and it was Tim.


Jasmine: I'm afraid our son will come out extremely gorgeous and when he grows up, girls will flock to his penis!
Me: I don't care, as long as he keeps that rubber on his meat.



-I'm listening to Wendy Williams dookie on Bow Wow. I heard he caught a bitch fit when Sandra Rose, Queen of Haters, questioned his relevance.

- Yeah, so, Lil Bow Wow been fell off. Soulja Boy verse > Bow Wow's on "Marco Polo". That's rock bottom right there.

- Not to mention him and Jermaine Dupri's ode to bromance.

- Then again, if he keeps kicking it with Soulja Boy and Gucci Mane, he might start rapping like them and funnel their fan base to himself. Who knows?

- This waiting for the baby shit is killing me! I know in four months I'm going to wish he was back in the womb.

- I've been posting too many videos lately.

- My team won that damn carbon emissions debate I was stressing about. I really thought we weren't going to win.

- Ha! Cap and trade >>> Hybrid cars.

- I feel like I can't say I listen to Charles Hamilton out loud anymore, but I still do because, you know, fuck you then.

- I'm sure some people saw a small problem on the day after my birthday and I assure you it's taken care of.

- Thanks to $port.

- You guys can leave comments on Jasmine's blog. I won't get mad. She does say some personal stuff on there.

- Like, about my genitalia.

- Should I get some Chick-Fil-A today? Those waffle fries are piff.

- Now I'm watching Unforgivable. That shit is hilarious.

- "Nigga wit a mop-top spoke up. Nigga had on Abercrombie!"

- I love this dude.

- If you said a pause should be right there, then you're calling me gay and I'd like it if you didn't read my blog.

- "Bitch, I don't want no Mike and Ike's. . . I want yo butthole!"

- Where does he come up with this shit?

- "She said 'who you gonna vote for, Ricky?'"
"They're the same devil, bitch! They both like triangles. Bitch, they in love with shapes!"

- I hope no one in my gender and women's studies finds out I think this is funny.

Cat Shit One >>> Other Animes of Animals Fighting

After introducing me to Cassandra Lee, Kanye is getting more cool points with this.

. . . Bunny rabbits. Shooting shit. In a desert.


Wednesday, April 8, 2009

As My Friend Alicia Would Say "OMG, kill yourself!"

bapeth Pictures, Images and Photos

I just happened to be looking for a Bape related picture to put for my myspace(Yes, I still go on there) headline and found this pathetic MF'er.

First off, I'm a fan of Bape and BBC/Ice Cream, although I like the latter more and I hate fake shit. Like, seriously, if you really want Bape that bad, just save your money for it. It should only take a few months for you to put enough money aside for a varsity jacket or hoodie.

Why this nigga got on a purple Bape hoodie and a matching shirt? That's not the worst part.

Then, he's holding a gun of some sort. I hate when dudes take pictures of guns because they seem to want to give the impression that they would use them.

Finally, wtf at the weight, yo. It's not even on a whole dumbbell. I mean, 35 pounds? I can lift that with one finger!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Commercial EPIC WIN

Most sports shit is meant to make you feel all bad-ass when you wear it and advertisements should be able to make you think that. This commercial did that. I wanted to wear nothing but Nike for a year, but I couldn't afford it.

I want LaDanian Tomlinson's mask.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Sperm-Friendly: Jungle Fever Edition

Hayden Panettiere

Hayden Panettiere 6 Pictures, Images and Photos

If I've done enough good shit in my life to store karma, God will reward me by letting me have sex with her vagina. Pre-maritally, of course.

Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes Pictures, Images and Photos

She's hot and funny, which totally gets my motor erect. Then I could tell jokes during sex like "Knock knock" and she'll be all "Who's there?" and then I'll cum on her face.

Nikki Blonsky

Nikki B Pictures, Images and Photos

I'm not joking or trying to be funny. I'd bone away her hopes and dreams.

Cassandra Lee


I just found her today on Kanye's blog. She's fucking hot. She's going to be up their with Bria Myles for me now. She's so hot, I'm going to post another picture.



Jenna Von Oy


If you don't know, that's the white girl from the Parkers. I've had a crush on her since I was in middle school and shit and I'd totally bust a. . . Oh, fuck it, I'll show you.


This chick


I don't know, but she drew her. Plus she got a big, stupid phat ass.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Mario blacks on Peach

If you don't find this funny, you're either a feminist or a fat turtle.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I'm not into April Fool's Day

I could have switched my blog around or posted a fucking screamer or some lame shit like that, but April Fool's Day is one of the more pointless holidays, in my opinion. The decision to create a day based around mankind's inherent evil by allowing them to deceive people has never made much sense to me.

I've always wanted to tell my dad I'm gay for April Fool's day, but I'm not sure I could say "April Fools!" before he struck me. Either that or he wouldn't fall for it since I have a baby on the way. It also crossed my mind to say that Jasmine lost the baby, but I totally don't need any "douchebag karma" right now.

I do plan on calling my job and pretending I'm calling out for the day, though. That might be funny.