Tears for Sears

- A lady came in last week. Old girl had a layaway. So, we're looking for the layaway and it turns out we can't find it. The lady asks and I tell her "We're having trouble finding it, but we'll have your merchandise in a matter of minutes". So, the lady replies "I'm in a hurry! I have a relative dying of cancer that I have to take to a doctor's appointment at 9:30!" It's 9:18 AM. Now, I would've felt bad, but why the fuck are you picking up a raincoat from Sears if your family member's doctor's appointment is so important? Long story short, she got mad and left and we found her raincoat 2 minutes after she caught wheels.

- This couple, the Goldstroms, comes in. They want to pick up an assembled grill. At this point, we've had forty billion pick-ups for assembled grills. The male says "We don't know if it's here for sure, but we just wanted to check." I look in the back at the grills waiting for customer pick-up and none of them say Goldstrom. I go back out and tell these people "Sorry, we don't see your grill. It may not have come in yet." The male says "Okay" and walks into the store. (From MPU((Merchandise Pick-Up)), you can go directly into the Sears through a hallway) I'm chilling, thinking nothing of it, when Kevin comes to MPU looking perturbed. Now, Kevin is one of the managers for Tools. People get me and him confused a lot being that we're both short, black and stocky.

Well, he's all like "So Goldstrom told me you said that their grill wasn't in." I reply "I didn't see a Goldstrom." He then proceeds to explain how I could have gotten a pre-assembled grill of the same item number. At this fucking point, I didn't want to deal with one more motherfucking retard customer who came to pick up a big, stupid ass grill in a goddamn, ugly ass SUV. It wouldn't fit. So, I end up having to give them a grill anyway and lo and behold, I had to help the motherfucker unscrew a piece of so it would fit in his dipshit, ass-licking SUV.

- Some asshole comes in to pick up an assembled grill. Whatever. We bring him his grill and this douchebag is examining it and notices that the grill is fucked up.

It's not.

There was an area of scratched off paint about the size of a thumbnail in the corner where the grill closes down. Now, see, this area would end up getting scratched anyway due to opening and closing the fucking grill. He's also pissed because the door on the bottom only closes 98.4 percent of the FUCKING way. So, he asks, "do you have any other grills?" I say "I think we have one more". I go in the back to grab this nigga another grill and our LP(Loss Prevention) guy walks him in the back to the room with all the grills. I'm not going to put any vulgar expletives in front of his name because he apologized for it afterwards.

Long story short, the asshole looked at every grill and then decided that he didn't want a grill and returned it.

- Remember Perry? Yeah, me too. Well, let me get this one out of the way first. Now, a co-worker told me that she saw Perry downtown with . . . Jim(he's notoriously gay if you didn't read the post I linked to). She said they were hugged up on the lightrail. Not cool.

- Well, when Perry got fired, he ended up wrestling with the cop that was escorting him out. This nigga called me like two or three weeks ago leaving a voicemail asking if I could be a witness for him in court. Yo, I wasn't even there.

- Know what I hate about Sears customers right now? These motherfuckers will scan the receipt to pick-up their items and then leave immediately to get their cars. I come out ten seconds later and no one is there. That shit is getting on my nerves. The fucking machine says "Please bring your vehicle to pick-up before scanning your receipt for a quicker transaction". How hard is that?

A Really Bad Song - Some African Guy(No racism)

Let's list the things wrong with this God-forsaken video:

0:10 - What the fuck was that move he just did?

0:17 - Not only did that scare the shit out of me the first three times I heard it, but that dance move he just did has got to be one of the most hilarious body movements I've ever seen. Yo, that was a black woman that sang and they didn't even show her whole face. You'll see why this is fucked up later.

0:18 - He looks like a California raisin. No, seriously, he's so black he's fucking purple.

0:19 - That was gay.

0:38 - He's done so many terrible dance moves up to this point I couldn't possibly take the arduous task of making fun of each one. This chick he's after, her face have to many sharp angles. Less than 90 degrees.

0:45 - Did he just drug her?

0:50 - Oh, yeah an extremely black man putting a coat over a passed out white woman in a bar. That's the exact opposite of suspicious.

1:00 - He really just looked retarded when he did that.

1:11 - Like, dead ass, who told this man he could dance?

1:13 - Now he's just sitting next to her. I'm pretty sure someone would've called the cops by now.

0:17 - I just had to go back to that. That was fucking hilarious.

1:18 - I think his hairline is allergic to his eyebrows. That would explain his "fivehead".

1:19 - Wait. Wait a MOTHERFUCKING MINUTE. Those are nothing but white women. I'm not saying a black guy shouldn't have a preference for pink nipples, but you can't be that black and only have Caucasian women in your video. That's against some sort of unwritten rule.

1:23 - I like how they all ran like "Bitch, you on your own".

1:30 - SCARY RAPIST FACE D:

1:36 - I really wish he would stop dancing. He's ruining my life.

1:55 - I wonder if his friends were watching him dance just going "Pause. Pause. Pause. . ."

1:58 - That's the ugliest fucking spin I've ever seen.

2:05 - I'm going to assume she's running from Flava Flav.

2:06 - Come on, now. Jaguar's haven't been balling since 1998.

2:16 - He's way too pissed off.

2:33 - I think he has cerebral palsy.

2:36 - Who are these dancing motherfuckers and what do they have to do with Treasure and date rape?

3:10 - Someone, anyone, needs to just make a compilation of all his dance moves. I'd pay for that.

3:34-3:38 - I try to ignore him, I do, but then he does some horrific moves that make me laugh.

3:48 - Note to video directors: Women sitting there looking bored? Doesn't make me horny.

3:57 - You hear that shit? What the fuck WAS THAT?

4:10 - This dude's falsetto makes me want to stab someone.

4:16 - If a white person was talking about how much they hate black people and how bad we are for the world and they presented this as evidence, even Obama couldn't combat that.

4:28 - You expect me to believe that she wants this guy? Like, that illusion defies logic to the point that it goes past not making sense and makes sense again.


Good news (for you). He has another terrible video and I swear I'm posting that one, too. With commentary.

My mom was offended by the lack of Nubian queens.

Customer Satisfaction Survey

So, I have followers, which I am kinda still confused about, so I was wondering, what do you like about my blog?

Should I talk more about current events? More coverage of dumb shit?

Post more videos? Be more serious?

Randomness:




If I get less than 5 comments, I will be very Joe Jackson.