Tuesday, September 22, 2009

*S.A.F.O. (or **GTFOHWTS)

So, right, I have this co-worker and shit and this motherfucker is starting to pluck my nerves. The dude, he's like, in his late 30's and all he talks about is fucking wrestling and unfunny jokes. This isn't why he's getting on my nerves, but I'll get to that. He also smells like pissy cardboard, but that's neither here nor there.

Now, when I first started working at (insert company name here) a co-worker who works in automotive tells me "Watch out for (insert annoying motherfucker's name here). He's a snitch." I took heed, of course, but I didn't know the depth of his tattle-tale ways at that point. Let's fast forward to recently.

Now, my manager talks to me focusing more on work and blah blah dick fuck marshmallow ass and I'm like "Cool, whatever. Let's work." At this point, I'm making even more of an effort at my job to look like a "good worker". Unfortunately, the following Sunday, I have to work with old snitchbitch. I spent about twenty minutes outside of my work area trying to get a rack for us to hang clothes on and this nigga pages me over the intercom system like three times. I, personally, have a beef with being treated like a kid, so I ignored him and came back when I was finish. The day goes pretty normal until Monday afternoon.

So I come in and there's a note on the MPU board for me saying what I'm supposed to do and shit when I notice that our lead put something at the bottom. It said something like "Eric has a lot of work to do in the back, being that he didn't do any work on Sunday". First off, that's hogwash because I spent at least 80 percent of my day opening boxes and shit. Second, I know that snitchbitch told her this lie because she doesn't work weekends.

In response, I decided to write a little note of my own, scratching out that bullshit and writing "This is complete and utter tripe. I was, in fact, in the back doing work, despite what (SnitchyMcLiarface) may have claimed." I also noticed that on our board that we have to check off to show what we did, this nigga checked off all of his shit and then wrote in mine "Was on sales floor, not in MPU". Of course, I'm pissed now. If I wasn't actually doing work, I wouldn't care as much, but when I actually put in work and someone starts discrediting me, I don't like that shit. So I then wrote "What is this trash? I would like to see the footage of me on the floor not doing work because this is news to me. I feel that a man in his late 30's making unfounded claims is very immature and offensive." I did actually write that, I didn't edit this shit to make myself sound like a rebel.

I left that up there for our lead to see and I guess she read it. I also found out that (Sir Snitchalot) doesn't trust me with the keys that I need to unlock the TV cage. Now, I need these keys so I can get the shit out in the five minutes that we have to get it without giving up a coupon. Every time this fucker goes on lunch or leaves, he's all "I'm gonna put these keys in the office" knowing damn well I need them. Now, rules are that anyone can carry the keys, as long as they sign them out. I found out from another worker that apparently this fucker doesn't trust me. Now, I could say because I'm black. I will say that shit.

I used to be all nice to this dude because he was weird and standing up for him when everyone said he was retarded, but now my sympathy is dwindling. Can you believe this stool pigeon tried to give me a fist bump the Friday after he tried to get me in trouble? The audacity.

I have insisted that I'm going to start treating him like a bitch, since that's what works for him. I mean, everyone treats him like a fuckboy. The manager, our lead, our co-workers, everyone. I don't know if my lead is angry at me for being a "smart-ass" or whatever, but I think she's trying to put me on fuckboy status, too, which I don't approve of. See, my availability is 10 am until 3 p.m. on Saturdays. Now they're trying to make me come in earlier. Like, 8 am early tomorrow.


*S.A.F.O. = Suck a fat one

**GTFOHWTS = Get the fuck outta here with that shit

"No one is scared of 50 Cent"


- This school/work/father shit is tiring. I mean, it's partially my fault I don't get a lot of sleep, but, b, I only get approximately three and a half hours to myself at night.

- It's this African couple in my human geography class. Homeboy girl keep giving me the sneaky eyes and dude be stale-facing me like it's my fault. I don't know if she said something or he caught her, but every time I check his broad out, he staring at me.

- I don't wanna fight over some slore I don't know at UMBC.


- Now, I stopped buying Complex magazine for a while due to the incessant immature gay jokes and and the fact that it's owned by Marc Ecko, who's clothing line isn't even relevant anymore, but the fact that Clipse is on the cover might persuade me to purchase this one.


- I would really like to own this soon. Mark this down for possible future purchase.

- I want to complain about a co-worker, but I'll save that for another blog post.

- I don't know if I'm just crazy, but there has been a recent influx of open gayness in Baltimore. I can't remember the last time I caught a bus without a member of the LGBT community on it.

- Don't think that there is anything wrong with that, but imagine if all of a sudden you started seeing Asian people everywhere.

- Exactly.

- I'm going to a party Friday. Might take pictures. Might not.

- Might be super drunk.

- (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

- like that up there.

- (570): "Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
(609): Haha how much did you smoke
(570): 4 feet of smokeee!

- or like that up there.

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Ecstatic Tour Stop @ the Sonar

So me and Tim, better known now as Martian Lewis, went to the Ecstatic Tour show down the Sonar on Wednesday night. We got there an hour early so we could get front row and only two other people were there in front of us. A lady with a big phat donkey ass and her son. It must've been big phat donkey ass night at the Sonar, because there were a lot of big phat donkey asses.

When we finally got in, we had to wait a whole hour (doors opened at 7:30) for someone to perform. The first performance was by Soul Cannon, a hip-hop/jazz band from Baltimore.




Soul Cannon was really energetic and they were a live band, so that helped. I'm not talking about the other opening acts because they really weren't worth talking about. Yup.

Jay Electronica came out and opened up with "Dear Moleskine", his Just Blaze produced track that was teased with a trailer. Jay Electronica was high and probably tipsy and you could tell. He also told us that he smoked two blunts with his DJ before he came on.


Some people complained about his intoxicated state, but fuck them, it was fun. He lip-synched an opera song, told us about his wager with his DJ about women liking getting choked during sex and did a rendition of "Give It To Me Baby".


However, through bouts of non-hip-hop entertainment, he still managed to perform like six songs, including fan-favorites "Exhibit A" and "Dimethytryptamine".


Talib Kweli came out next and rocked it, of course. Before he performed, it was interesting to note that they played "Because I Got High" by Afroman and everyone in the crowd knew the words. In the middle of Talib's set, someone proceeded to smoke marijuana in the crowd.



After Kweli's performance and a fifteen-minute wait, Flaco Bey himself came out, dressed like he was about to drive a train, and proceeded to play the drums while performing "Supermagic" off of the Ecstatic.



He also performed some songs from True Magic and did a cover of "Billie Jean".




Then, Talib Kweli came on stage and they performed some Black Star classics.



Mos Def also spoke on the Kanye situation, stating that Kanye was his best friend and he "didn't put spit on her, he didn't put his hands on that broad" and that everyone was blowing this out of proportion. Also, he said that Jay Leno should get "smacked in his banana-looking face" for asking Kanye what he would think that his mom would think about his actions.

All around it was fun night, blah blah. Look, it's late, I posted pictures, I'm uploading videos later.

Thursday, September 17, 2009


Oh, wow.

So don't be angry when you see a black dude with a white girl.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

10 Steps Forward, 50 Steps Back

NEW YORK (Sept. 8) -- Brian Milligan Sr. believes his son's race triggered a brutal attack on the streets of Buffalo, New York.

Armed with a chunk of concrete, several assailants beat Brian Milligan Jr. on the back of the head on August 18, leaving a 3-inch gash. They kicked him in the face, breaking his jaw.

Bloodied and bruised, the 18-year-old managed to walk five blocks to his grandmother's house before being rushed to the hospital. Milligan's father believes several African-Americans beat his son, who is white, because he is dating an African-American woman.

Mulligan's father wants police to treat the beating as a hate crime. He also has criticized what he calls a deafening silence from the community, police and the national media.

"If this was a black guy who was beaten by a group of white guys for dating a white girl, people would be up in arms," he said. "There's a double standard." Buffalo police believe a group of about 10 to 15 African-American men attacked Milligan late at night, police spokesman Mike DeGeorge said. Police have made no arrests and are still investigating the motive, he said. Milligan Sr. says he believes the attackers are the same "neighborhood guys" who threatened his son and his African-American girlfriend because of their interracial relationship.

The younger Milligan and his girlfriend, Nicola Fletcher, who is also 18, had recently complained of an increase in insults and threats in east Buffalo, where Fletcher lives and where Milligan was staying with his grandmother, Fletcher said.

"Every time they walk the streets, people stop him and call him 'cracker' and ask her why she's not with a black guy," Milligan Sr. said.

This is embarassing as fuck. It kinda pains me that black people feel that since a bunch of fucked-up shit happened to our ancestors and forefathers, we have the right to be complete and total racist assholes. I do know of black dudes that talk about wanting to fuck white women, but when white dudes get black girls, they label her a traitor. Why is that?

I do jokingly announce that it may have something to do with the fact that most white guys get all the hot black chicks while black dudes mainly date mediocre-faced white women. However, this case isn't all about the boy that was attacked, but the father's pleas with the police.

The dad feels this should be classified as a hate crime, and it very well should be. He contests that if this happened to a black man for dating a white woman, it would be all over the news, and this is true. I mean, the girlfriend serves as a witness that they called the guy "cracker" and asked her why she wasn't with a black guy, so that should be proof enough.

I personally believe in actual equality, not that "I like being equal until it benefits me" shit. Affirmative action? Fuck that, no thanks. That whole thing with Sotomayor about throwing out results because no black person passed a firefighter test? Bullshit. I feel that if a black guy can be a victim of a hate crime, so can Asians, whites, Latinos, etc. I mean, seriously, if this isn't proof enough that having a president of color doesn't change shit, then I don't know what does.

The story has touched a nerve with several members of Buffalo's African-American community, including a local pastor who leads a predominantly black church in Buffalo.

"At first, it didn't affect me the way that it would have if I heard it was a black teen attacked," said the Rev. Darius Pridgen, who spent years fighting for civil rights for African-Americans.

"But after I saw his father on TV pleading with the community to find the assailants, I decided I had to go after the people who beat this kid."

Pridgen said he felt that the community has turned a collective blind eye to the beating. So he gave a fire-and-brimstone sermon at the True Baptist Church on a Sunday after the attack, appealing to his congregation to help find the culprits.
"He didn't deserve to be beaten this way," Pridgen recalled saying at the service. "If you believe this, put your hands together."

If it was a black teen, Pridgen said, "We would have been protesting with flags and everything else."

Rod Watson also addressed the issue in his column in the Buffalo News. Watson, who is black, pointed out that interracial marriages are nearly 10 times higher than they were in 1960, according to U.S. Census data, but still those couples have a tough time being accepted by society.

"If blacks in Buffalo in 2009 are acting like whites in Selma in 1959, this society has big problems, despite electing a president who is himself the product of an interracial union," Watson said.

Judy Milligan, a community activist and Brian Milligan Jr.'s great-aunt, said she has been overwhelmed with support from her friends, both black and white.
Mary Woods, a member of Buffalo's African-American community, reached out to Milligan to offer her support.

"I don't care what color you are, when something like this happens, justice must be served," Woods said. "There had to be someone who saw something, and they should come forward."

Milligan Sr. has criticized the Buffalo Police Department for spending too much time "trying to prove this crime wasn't a hate crime instead of performing a solid investigation."

I actually hope that when these motherfuckers go to jail that the Aryan nation proceeds to rape and beat them on the regular.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Avatar: The Last Crack Dealer

Avatar: The Last Crack Dealer

You should watch it because it's funny and I don't post not funny videos.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Return of What Me and My Brother Talk About on the Phone (Featuring Martian Lewis)

Me: Niggas shooting behind my house

Tim: Word?

Me: Or shooting fireworks. Either way it's not cool.


Me: Yo, you find the cat, yo?

Terrell: (Unintelligible whispering)

Tim: . . . You making cat noises, yo?


Terrell: GO, GO, GO!

Me: LMFAO, did you just do a sting operation on the cat?

Tim: He going Metal Gear Solid on the cat.

Terrell: I GOT HIM! I GOT HIM!


Tim: What was that?

Terrell: The microwave.

Me: I thought you were about to bomb the cat.


Tim: She started calling him Captain Hook.

Me: Wait, why?

Tim: Because his thing curvy.

Me: Ah. . .


Tim: Was she even pretty?

Me: Yo, she looked like a squid, yo.


Terrell: You the one that was wasting time, but I got the pussy.

Me: You know, in retrospect, I'm kinda glad I didn't beat. I mean, it did turn out she was 12 and shit. You did it to the dirty girl.


Terrell: When Mama Mary go to West Virginia?

Me: Today!

Terrell: Why?

Me: To see Aunt Mary!

Terrell: I didn't know Aunt Mary was in West Virginia!

Me: What the fuck, she lives there!


Me: Yo, this might sound gross and sick, but yo. . . this girl came into my job. She was like 9, but she had a really nice ass.

Terrell: Yo a pedophile!

Tim: 9, though.

Me: Stop judging me.


Terrell: No, Eric brought us the sober monster! Ahhhhhhhh!

Me: Nigga, you tripping.


Me: Yo, it's this one song, "Got Caught Dealing". Yo, it reminds me of Foghorn Leghorn. It's like, "What the fuck made Pharrell think this shit is banging?"


Me: You're thinking oooooof Sharniece

Terrell: I remember her.

Me: Yeah, she used to let us fondle her tits on the playground.


Terrell: (talking to cousin) Somebody get that umbrella off the floor. I keep thinking it's the cat.


Terrell: Yo, that's not funny, yo. That cat ain't no joke, yo. Me and the cat was fighting last night.


Tim: Her eyebrows thick as shit, though.

Me: They look like parentheses.


Tim: Yo, he was just like, nah, yo. . . I'm not even gonna say it.

Me: I just admitted I checked out a 9 year old, I'm sure pretty much anything is up for discussion.


Terrell: 9, though?

Me: You know what they say: If she knows her ABC's, she can get on me.


Me: Okay, whatever, she was 9. Hey, it could've been worse. Like, at least I didn't get an erection.


Me: She didn't come out and say he took it in the butt. She said they spent a night over each others' houses a lot and I refuse to believe they spent nights with each other being gay and didn't do anything to each others' anuses.


Me: (talking about Tim) Whole time he look like Uncle Phil when he be throwing Jazzy Jeff out the house.

Terrell: Whole time he dress like Jazzy Jeff though.


Terrell: Whole time, Tim look like a fat Wale.

Tim: Whole time, you look Amber Rose