Tuesday, September 22, 2009

*S.A.F.O. (or **GTFOHWTS)

So, right, I have this co-worker and shit and this motherfucker is starting to pluck my nerves. The dude, he's like, in his late 30's and all he talks about is fucking wrestling and unfunny jokes. This isn't why he's getting on my nerves, but I'll get to that. He also smells like pissy cardboard, but that's neither here nor there.

Now, when I first started working at (insert company name here) a co-worker who works in automotive tells me "Watch out for (insert annoying motherfucker's name here). He's a snitch." I took heed, of course, but I didn't know the depth of his tattle-tale ways at that point. Let's fast forward to recently.

Now, my manager talks to me focusing more on work and blah blah dick fuck marshmallow ass and I'm like "Cool, whatever. Let's work." At this point, I'm making even more of an effort at my job to look like a "good worker". Unfortunately, the following Sunday, I have to work with old snitchbitch. I spent about twenty minutes outside of my work area trying to get a rack for us to hang clothes on and this nigga pages me over the intercom system like three times. I, personally, have a beef with being treated like a kid, so I ignored him and came back when I was finish. The day goes pretty normal until Monday afternoon.

So I come in and there's a note on the MPU board for me saying what I'm supposed to do and shit when I notice that our lead put something at the bottom. It said something like "Eric has a lot of work to do in the back, being that he didn't do any work on Sunday". First off, that's hogwash because I spent at least 80 percent of my day opening boxes and shit. Second, I know that snitchbitch told her this lie because she doesn't work weekends.

In response, I decided to write a little note of my own, scratching out that bullshit and writing "This is complete and utter tripe. I was, in fact, in the back doing work, despite what (SnitchyMcLiarface) may have claimed." I also noticed that on our board that we have to check off to show what we did, this nigga checked off all of his shit and then wrote in mine "Was on sales floor, not in MPU". Of course, I'm pissed now. If I wasn't actually doing work, I wouldn't care as much, but when I actually put in work and someone starts discrediting me, I don't like that shit. So I then wrote "What is this trash? I would like to see the footage of me on the floor not doing work because this is news to me. I feel that a man in his late 30's making unfounded claims is very immature and offensive." I did actually write that, I didn't edit this shit to make myself sound like a rebel.

I left that up there for our lead to see and I guess she read it. I also found out that (Sir Snitchalot) doesn't trust me with the keys that I need to unlock the TV cage. Now, I need these keys so I can get the shit out in the five minutes that we have to get it without giving up a coupon. Every time this fucker goes on lunch or leaves, he's all "I'm gonna put these keys in the office" knowing damn well I need them. Now, rules are that anyone can carry the keys, as long as they sign them out. I found out from another worker that apparently this fucker doesn't trust me. Now, I could say because I'm black. I will say that shit.

I used to be all nice to this dude because he was weird and standing up for him when everyone said he was retarded, but now my sympathy is dwindling. Can you believe this stool pigeon tried to give me a fist bump the Friday after he tried to get me in trouble? The audacity.

I have insisted that I'm going to start treating him like a bitch, since that's what works for him. I mean, everyone treats him like a fuckboy. The manager, our lead, our co-workers, everyone. I don't know if my lead is angry at me for being a "smart-ass" or whatever, but I think she's trying to put me on fuckboy status, too, which I don't approve of. See, my availability is 10 am until 3 p.m. on Saturdays. Now they're trying to make me come in earlier. Like, 8 am early tomorrow.


*S.A.F.O. = Suck a fat one

**GTFOHWTS = Get the fuck outta here with that shit


N.I.K.E. said...

GTFOH, Indeed. We Got One OF Those At Work Too.

Schizophrenic Brooklynite said...

You and your job journeys.

Anonymous said...


I love these rants....I was laughing the whole damn time!!!

Malcolm Maximillion said...

You make me want to post about my job but I refuse to give them assfucks anymore attention

Anonymous said...

Fuck I'm currently annoyed with one of my lecturers. She is such a cunt. Halfway through a group presentation she interrupted and was bitching about something or the next.

So out loud my friend bellows "Go and suck a dick"

I've never felt so happy to be associated with my friend. She says everything I'm thinking. So, though I'm revealing my almost crippling nature of being nice about everything. I was grateful for her friendship that day.

Droolin said...

eat that fuckers lunch,mang.

that's not a phrase or anything like "break a leg"...i mean literally eat his lunch.

[$ H A R O N A] said...

omg...not pissy cardboard. ;x