Tuesday, June 29, 2010


- I want to update, I really do, but guess what?

- My fucking keyboard is broke. Unfortunately, I'm not rich like everyone else that blogs, so I have to wait until my responsibilities allow me to squeeze out some keyboard money.

- Malcolm Maximillion a.k.a "The nigga I went to middle school with" finished his album which I plan on hearing sometime soon.

- Not to mention N.I.K.E. is getting his beats rapped over when I'm not around.

- I blame being out of the loop on being the only nigga with a baby.

- Maybe I'm getting old, but teenagers dress gay nowadays.

- Not "stupid" gay, but "Ooooh, is that a dick? Do you mind if I put it in my mouth?" gay.

- I mean, if dudes were wearing their shirts extra tight and their pants way below their ass five years ago, we'd assume they were into sphincter play.

- Well, at least if you wore a tight shirt. Black men still seem to not think it's even remotely booty-bandit like to wear your pants with your boxers showing.

- And capris or as I called them, long shorts.

- I used to wear those. I deleted every picture of me wearing them.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Only Stupid People Die from Gas

I like to put people on to stuff, so you better enjoy these videos I'm about to post.

The Break Room is akin to a multiracial version of the office, although 15 minutes shorter. This web show is hilarious and filled with enough quotables to interest Judd Apatow. Maronzio Vance, who also created and writes the show, steals his creation as the "straight man" of the series. The problems in the show revolve around him, forcing him to interact with his co-workers. The chemistry between Maronzio and the co-workers is part of what makes the show so funny. Enough of me trying to be a critic, watch this shit.

Different Differences

I discovered my new favorite song of 2010 (Well, second favorite after OMG. Don't judge me.)

Might I add that the red-bone who enters at 1:08 is delectable. While watching the video, I got a sense of deja vu. That comes from the fact that the video is strongly reminiscent of one of my favorite songs/videos, "Can't Stop" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Look, they're both artsy-fartsy, weird and look like they were filmed in warehouses. Go eat yourself.

Well, point is, there are videos I've noticed over time that seem to imitate (see bite off of) other videos before it.

Rihanna "Rude Boy" imitates M.I.A. "Boyz"

If it's not obvious, you need to hop off Rihanna's dick. However, Robyn Fenty's version has better production value, less emphasis on men and more emphasis on making my pants tighter.

Rihanna "Disturbia" imitates Nine Inch Nails "Closer"

Strange, dim setting. Pasty faced humans. Jacob's Ladder style filming. However, Nine Inch Nails actually succeeds in making me totally uncomfortable watching this by myself or with company. They also succeed in making a better song. They could've just said "I wanna fuck you like an animal" the whole song and I'd like it, so my tastes aren't exactly meant to be respected. Rihanna also needs to get more creative directors.

Ne-Yo "Mad" imitates Nickelback "Someday"

Nickelback got totally swiped. These are the music video versions of the two Death at a Funerals; the original is considered better and the only reason the new one is accepted is because it has black people in it.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

You Know What Grinds My Gears?

Gay Bashing

Now, I wouldn't consider myself a gay activist, per se, but I do believe in the ethical treatment of humans. I get pissed when people compare the "battle for gay rights" to the civil rights movement of the 60's, but everyone has to admit that gay people get the shaft in the 21st century. lol, shaft.

If you've ever watched the news, you should know what I'm talking about. They always ask some old bitch what they think about gay people and they start saying "They're disgusting! They all need to die! They shouldn't be allowed to get married because faggots are gross! Ugh, yucky!" Okay, I might have over-exaggerated a smidgen, but that's only 20 percent worse.

People don't say shit like this when it comes to race (not including "illegal immigrants". American patriotism gives the okay to racism as long as they weren't born in the U.S. ((That also doesn't matter, as long as they look like they aren't from America))), gender and even age. I think it's fucked up to be able to say such cruddy shit about people without reprimand just because of what they do behind closed doors. Scissoring, reach-arounds, and sword-fighting aside, homosexual men and women were pushed out of vaginas (or stomachs) just like every other mammal.

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Except this son of a bitch: the real abomination.

One of my favorite things about gay bashers are the ridiculous reasons they have to dislike someone besides the fact that they think they shouldn't fuck someone with the same genitalia they have.

One example is that many religious nuts and other kinds of nuts think gay people shouldn't get married because marriage is sacred. As all red, white and blue-blooded Americans know, marriage is sacred as shit.

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That's some sacred ass shit right there. So, dickhead consensus is that it's okay for a mega-old supercougar to marry Al B. Sure Jr., but if two men get married, Jesus will come back and viciously eliminate all of us? Fuck you, dude.

There's also the argument that I just got hip to, which is that gay people shouldn't be together since they can't have babies. Anyone with common sense could easily counter that with "What about women who aren't able to have babies?" Then, the conversation would go something like:

Dipshit: "Women are supposed to have babies"
Smart person: "What about lesbians?"
Dipshit: "They need a penis"
Smart person: "What if someone puts their sperm in the lesbian and then she raises the baby with her partner?"

Then they lean on the most popular excuse for gay-bashing, the Bible. God said gay people are basically monsters.

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What gay people looked like before Christ

The Bible also said it was okay for a man to repopulate with his daughters and to tell a man to kill his son just to see if he would do it. The Bible was written by humans and is therefore going to be laced with bits of bias. Besides, if God made every human, and homosexuals are humans, why would God make an abomination to himself? That's like me fucking hating peppermint patties and then making a peppermint patty just to hate it.

Loud Bitches

I'm a quiet guy. Rather than yell across the street at someone that doesn't see me, I'd rather jog across and scare the shit out of them. Some call it creepy, I call it "being considerate to the fact that other people don't give a fuck about anything I have to say out of my mouth, so I'm not going to raise my voice like an assface".

Unfortunately, not everyone shares my sentiments. Being a native of Baltimore City, I had to get used to the incessant screaming of hoodrats, recognizing it as a given, much like our infamous junkies.

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Imagine seeing this every time you go to a gas station

Me, however, being the quiet guy, I dislike this shit immensely. There's nothing I hate more than sitting on the bus with 5 teenaged scumpussies in the back yelling about shit no one cares about. To make themselves even more ghetto and undesirable, they get upset when people look at them like they're retarded or decide to be extra loud when talking about someone else on the bus. Sadly, no one has directed a tirade against me, because I will shut them down properly.

One thing I dislike more than a loud female bitch is a loud male bitch. Me being my manly self, I feel that any man who does something like talk on the phone all the time without an important job or speak really loudly on the phone is a bitch. Guys don't have to talk on the phone when they're by themselves to scare people away from hollering at them, so any excuse is unacceptable.

My Son

If this nigga doesn't stop doing the same shit I told him not to do 7 seconds ago, I'm gonna drop that motherfucker.


Fuck Steve Jobs and fuck Apple.

Niggas who underrate women to look cool

Like, really? That shit gets annoying seeing people post pictures of superbad complete and agreeable, ass-hot spankable women and then seeing a comment like "thighs are too fat". What is the point of this? I refuse to believe there are men with standards that high.

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"She has elbows like Baraka"

No, really. Do you know any men (or women) with girlfriends that are "OH, HOLY FU-. . . WOW" hot? Now count the amount of men (or women) you know with normal attractive girlfriends. I assure you the ratio of "WHOA, ARE YOU REAL?" hot girlfriends to "I'd beat" girlfriends are about 1:6, respectively. I'm not saying men don't have standards, but I find it dishonest to pretend that you're standards for a woman's body have shit to do with whether you'd be naked around her or not. I mean, honestly, I don't care about a chick's calf muscles or neck length. What matters is "is she hot?" and "will anything on her make me uncomfortable visually or physically mid-coitus?"