Tuesday, September 30, 2008

. . .

Would you kindly follow this link and watch the video please?


I didn't say anything first because I wanted you to watch this in it's entirety and be amazed. You could say this video is art because it feels like art but you can't figure out why. I seriously can't comprehend why a video with two unattractive black people having sex in front of a background that would make the first episode of Pokemon in Japan look like a blank white screen is good, but I kinda feel that way. But, unfortunately, it's directed by Eric Wareheim(of Tim & Eric's Awesome Show) and I don't like that guy. I still don't have my verdict on exactly what the hell I just watched, but my head hurts so I'm going to go take a break.

The source be Nerd with Swag

Strong with this one, the force is

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It's good that Marc Ecko got this idea before someone else did. This might just be enough to get Ecko Unltd. out of the "wiggas only" trench that many clothing lines have gone in to(i.e. Anything owned by a rapper, Drunkn Munky, Southpole, etc.). I personally am not going to get it. I would wait for the inevitable Darth Vader version, but I'm sure that's gonna sell like motherfucking hot cakes and free sex.

snatched from Kanye's blog

"Your dick is not a hose and my face is not a fire"

After my sperm-friendly post, I thought about how some of these women might feel about having someone shooting half of uncreated babies on their faces and remembered this video. I thought it was hilarious because me and my girlfriend kinda had a conversation like this before, just not with the "eye baby monster fetus" thing or her asking me to bust a nut on my favorite superhero. Just watch it.

The Return of Sperm-Friendly


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Aubrey O'Day

She's on the cover of Complex and boy does she look skanky (in as positive a way as a man could say it). Straight nut all on her mandible.

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Gabrielle Union

She's my damn dream woman. I would come out of pocket to skeet on her face.

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Lacey Duvalle

Now, this isn't fair because Lacey Duvalle is a porn star, so being ejaculated on his common for her and also why she is a porn star. There aren't many "not" sperm-friendly porn stars, except maybe Sara Jay. She's not that hot.

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Stacey Dash

I mean, does she really need any introduction. In the words of Solid Snake on Metal Gear Awesome: "OH MY GAWD, YOU'RE SO FUCKING HAWT!"

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Bet you didn't see that coming.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop the presses

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So, they're finally giving Chance and Real a show. That's hot, but that's not what I want to talk about. Look at this picture. That's not street. That's not even mildly hood. How are you gonna sit there and spaz on dudes and act all gangster, and then turn around and dress like that? I can't get jiggy with that shit. Everybody calling Kanye and Pharrell gay; look at these dudes!

Speaking of gay. . .

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Look who finally came out of the closet. After having a baby, no less. I'm just mad he waited so long. What I find funny is how the baby is looking at the word "gay".

Here's what one shocked fan said (Note: Not all of the "claymates" were surprised, just this one and probably some other completely naive fools):

"This is really shocking news as I had no idea he was gay," read a comment posted by "Sheridansq." "And now I have to deal with this. I am not sure what to say to people who know I was a fan. ... I didn't go to work today and am not answering the telephone."


I took both pictures from Super Woman.

Note: Roses Actually Work

Like, I sent my girlfriend some and they arrived today, I think. I didn't actually tell her they were coming, I just told her to have someone look out for a package for her and she just kept guessing until I told her. When she finally figured out they were flowers, she got all giddy. She was talking like Pebbles from the Flintstones for a good 10 or so minutes. So, note that fellas: roses. Send a girl some now. You might be able to get whatever you want for a day or two(hint hint, wink wink, saynomore).

Also, this picture is the best picture of Fall 2008

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EDIT: How I know it worked? Look at her myspace name and headline.

Told you.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Lil Duvall goes in on R. Kelly

I might make an actual post soon, but this video was funny. Why can't real interviewers just go ahead and say what everybody is thinking? That would be a good interviewer.

O_O Ho-oly shit. . .

That's for J Grady. That's his woman.

From Illseed

Edit: Okay, so am I the only one that thought 1:27 and up was hot? Maybe I'm just a freak.

Shea Davis - Things Go Down

I love Shea Davis because he sucks so bad it's hilarious. His flow is down syndrome and the video was funny. They just had some chick gyrating while they poured water on her head and had Shea rap in the background. SMH at the red bandana with rhinestones.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Rebel without a KAWS

Yeah, puns are fun if you know how to use them.

I, personally, respect KAWS as an artist. I thought his street level shit was cool, ya know? The whole "taking a companion head and putting it on a Calvin Klein model" thing was pretty ingenious. Nowadays, I just feel that KAWS is overrated.

Call me a hater if you want, but I just feel that KAWS gets too much credit. My friends always remind me that I can't blast someone for being talentless if they make money for it. It just means they found a smart way to use their talentlessness.

That is Spongebob Squarepants. A famous, gay licensed character that belongs to Nickelodeon. All that happened here is Kaws drew/painted or whatever'd him, put blue X's in his eyes and put the Companion bone things on the side of his head. Now, sure it looks cool, but can you proclaim that KAWS is a great artist for this? You probably will. I, on the other hand, will continue to think that that is some lame shit.

What is so hot about Kate Moss? She looks like Gollum if he was a cute girl and has the figure of a cylinder.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

You mad, huh?

Funk Flex is one of many people that are apparently thoroughly disgusted by R. Kelly pissing on a high schooler and getting away with it. Now, R. Kelly was having an interview on BET who wanted to capitalize on his "not being in jail", and the interviewer asked if he liked teenagers and he replied "What do you mean teenagers?" I mean, what other kind of teenagers are there? 18 year olds and 19 year olds don't count.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

It's a N*E*R*D cover

No comment.

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Cool Kids - Delivery Man

See, this is what I'm talking about. Instead of being like those fuck ass Retro Kidz and completely stealing from the 80s, they take elements of it and incorporate it in to their music and videos to show that it is inspired by that era. Cool video.

I might be a little. . .er. . . intoxicated.

I do not support underaged drinking.


Sunday, September 14, 2008

Feeling More Nostalgic

That thing at 12 seconds used to freak me out

Man, I used to think this show was so cool.

I used to think the transformation was so awesome.

Eek the Cat was funny as shit. I remember when he would show people a picture of his girlfriend and they'd say ". . . She's fat" and he'd look at it and say "Really?" Yo, his girlfriend was a German Panzer IV.

Bobby's World and that catchy intro song. Well, it was catchy in a really bad 80s pop song kinda way. Bobby's World didn't have shit on Rugrats, though.

God damn it, Curtis

I don't know if 50 Cent realized it, but his antics are getting old. He's like the class clown that was funny and cool in, like, 9th grade, but by 11th grade people laughed at him less. Everyone's realizing 50 Cent has no real talent and the only people that still support him are his loyal cockjockers, residing only in wiggas and 40 year olds that long for the days when they sold drugs.

Now, attacking Kanye West is just moronic because for one, he has more appeal to everyone and, two, he's actually still hot. Let's see who's done more "gangsta" shit:

1. Fought some government(not really, but they were convincing) douchebags for the film to his Jesus Walks video on Punk'd.
2. Call out the president on national television while standing next to Austin Powers.
3. Smashed some paparazzi's camera.
4. Zapped out after hearing Beanie Siegel called him gay. Most guys wouldn't even raise their voice in defense if Beanie Siegel called them gay and then died.
5. Ran on stage to let motherfuckers know he deserved something that he didn't get.
6. Made "Two Words", which is probably the most hard-body song of his career.
7. Got signed to Roc-A-Fella in it's heyday.
8. Got caught with porn.

1. Got shot. (Which isn't really gangsta being that you're the one that got shot)
2. Back out of beefs with people that are either nicer than him or make more money. (Notice he left Game and Wayne alone after they sold more than G-Unit)
3. Go to every show in New York with a bulletproof vest on.
4. Get your security to shoot someone in the testicle.
5. Never call Fat Joe a fat bitch to his face.
6. Steal Bow Wow's girl. (Wow. That's so g.)
7. Talked a bunch of shit and then had a guy that made a song with Daft Punk sell more than him.
8. Claimed he would retire if he was outsold. . . Well?
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. . . smh, 50 Cent. Smh.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

God damn it, Wasalu

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Out of all of the picture comments on the first page, only one woman was honest enough to say "What the hell are you wearing?"

What the FUCK, Lupe? I know you have the money to do this shit, but I hope you don't stop wearing jeans and t-shirts and shit.

Because I'm feeling nostalgic

This just makes me feel old. I was up this morning and happened to turn on Fox and saw some new remake of Biker Mice from goddamn Mars. I was sitting there tripping because I was on the Biker Mice when I was little and it came on. I had all three of them with their motorcycles and I had a bandana with Throttle on it. Man, it's gonna suck when I'm like 50 telling kids about Rocko's Modern Life and VR Troopers.

Episode 1 part 1

Episode 1 part 2

Episode 1 part 3

Thursday, September 11, 2008

*sigh* Love Lockdown

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No, I'm not posting a link to the song, I'm going to give my opinion on this whole thing.

First off, Love Lockdown is probably going to be the most controversial song of Kanye's career thus far, and when I say controversial I don't mean "Jesus Walks" controversial, I mean controversial as in going super far left from the norm. A lot of people are already throwing out their opinions on the song and a majority of them are negative. I'm going to be in the lot of those people.

Now, it's already known a lot of Kanye dickriders are going to do their damndest to defend the song, not to say that anyone that likes it is a dickrider, but a pole-jocker will insult one's being for even thinking that Kanye made a piece of shit. Even when someone says "I've been a Kanye fan, but I just don't like this song", someone will come in and say "Then you're not a true Kanye fan". Apparently, to be a true fan of something you have to not be able to admit that the artist can make some mistakes. Look at Lil Wayne's "fans". He drinks syrup and kisses men and they always have an excuse for that shit. Some have even gone as far as making the passing of Kanye's mother an excuse for "Love Lockdown", which I call bullshit on. A lot of people have lost loved ones and continued to make good music. Once again, I'm not insinuating that Kanye has started sucking due to Love Lockdown, just that it's not a good song.

Finally, auto-tune. That shit needs to stop. I understand that Kanye loves using it and may feel that it's proper for the music he wants to create in this next album, but I can't even remember the last time I heard this dude's voice with out it changing pitch every 1.4 seconds. (That's a lie. I have Celebration on my PSP)

In conclusion, Kanye can do whatever the fuck he wants, he's a grown ass man with more money than me, you, and that guy over there combined. From his perspective, he might just feel that Love Lockdown was the song that hewanted to make for himself and you can either take it or leave it. All in all, though, no, I will not be putting that song on my mp3 playerPlaystation Portable.

"I've never heard the word dick so many times in my life"

WARNING: This video is homo. It's funny, but quite homo.

Green Bench are some funny dudes. If you're paying attention, it's also a satire on homophobia and the government's battle with gay rights. And shit.


Yes, I do hate Karrine Steffans more than pedophiles, but this video was just cruddy. You should seriously reconsider shit talking the chick you were doing nasty stuff with if you didn't want it to get out that you like spherical objects in your anus. Especially if it's someone as classy as Karrine Steffans.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Lupe Fiasco at the Kids Choice Awards

Lupe @ VMAs from kwest on Vimeo.

Yo, what's up with the Prince on the top Rick James on the bottom outfit, Lupe? Come on, man.

Yo, for real

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Shut the fuck up. We don't care how much you love still having your hymen intact.

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Shut the fuck up. You made me miss Sarah Silverman.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

What I thought of the VMAs

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There's no way in hell this jumpcunt earned those awards. I've literally never seen the video for Piece of Me in my life, but yet they expect me to believe this broad (who's career is currently in the sewers) managed to have the best video of the year. Man, lick cat nuts.

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I'm completely done with Lil Wayne. First this motherfucker starts wearing colored jeans. I was going to do that, and now I can't because then people would start saying I'm trying to be like Lil Wayne. Second, this bastard looked super hipster when he was performing with Kid Rock. Colored pants? A fedora? A plaid vest? Supras? Finally, he has a fucking piercing. Right there. Under his mouth. If he doesn't want us to think he might be a little fruity, then maybe he shouldn't do some questionable shit. What's next, a tramp stamp that says "BABY"?

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Okay, I see that he has a Garfield chain. Very corny. Now what's up with those glasses, b? Those aren't fresh. Clear shades makes you look like a dork. Even an anime nerd that knows the words to a bunch of Japanese songs would call you a loser if you wear shit like that. And what's up with painting a pocket on your shirt? Tyga has the worst dressed award until I can find out if Lil Mama was there or not.

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Kanye was the best thing of the night and that's sad because I found his performance kinda boring. Still waiting to hear Love Lockdown in good studio quality.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Ravens - 17 Bengals - 10

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This game was supposed to be won anyway. I'd recommend that you never in your life talk about how good the Bengals are in front of die hard Ravens fans in Baltimore unless you're a masochist. Of course, a lot of us lost faith after that horrifying fumble by Ray Rice, but we made it anyway. How about Joe Flacco the rookie outdoing Jon Palmer? Pretty hot. He also made a 38 yard run which is even hotter.

I was at work, but fortunately I got most of the last quarter during my lunch break. It was pretty disheartening to watch 3 Ravens players get injured in, like, 3 minutes(especially Todd Heap).

And poor Chad Johnson with only one catch. As a random customer at my job said "The Bengals suck, and Ocho Cinco can suck all of our balls".

All in all, I'm just happy we beat the Bengals.

Ryan Leslie featuring Fabolous and Kim Porter Jr - My Addiction

. . . The women in this video suck. They must be fashion models.

P.S. I don't mean to offend any females, but seriously, fashion models aren't attractive. Where's the meat!?


And you know what? Fuck you if you like them. Fuck their parents, fuck your parents and fuck whoever else's parents.

This shit is getting out of hand. To have the nerve to dress like you're goddamn parents when they were teenagers and then make a video about a "New Era"? Motherfucker, that was 20 years ago! That wasn't even that long! Even my mother admits that a lot of the style from that time period is wack and yet we have a click of cocksuckers who decide to make a living like this.

And if you're thinking "Well, if you hate them so much, why are you giving them publicity? Well, because if you have enough sense, you'll know not to like them and to throw rocks at them if you see them on the street. Especially the guys with the high top fades.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Bossman featuring Raheem Devaughn - I Wonder(K-Swift Tribute)

Man, the tribute doesn't even come until the end. This is the same way I felt after I watched Queen of the Damned. Whatever.

This guy is great. He's great.

I love samples! I love chopping samples! I love chopping samples from cartoons/anime/video games!

EDIT: Another video by the same guy. His dancing is bad ass.

How many lumps do you want?

I, personally, feel that Puma is, like, the most slept on shoe company out right now. Being that I live in Baltimore where many people are just getting up on New Balances, I'll probably be made fun of for wearing Pumas, but I'll be damned if I don't love them.

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Mmm, shoegasm.

Okay, for real this time: Aww, skeet skeet skeet!

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I don't know who Ciara's with now currently, but I'll murder that guy to massage just one asscheek. Just one.

SHE'S NOT A MAN. Assholes.

From Way More Fresher via Necole Bitchie, apparently.

Aww, skeet skeet!

If you never played Skate, you should probably go rent the first one, like, now.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

20th Century Fox is trying to murder my childhood

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"Piccolo was intended to look handsome, but Marsters and the make-up artist chose to give him a decrepit complexion, having been trapped for thousands of years."

No, that's called being lazy and unfuckingfaithful.

Texas Battle as Carey Fuller: A high school bully. He is an original character created for the film.
Luis Arrieta as Weaver: A classmate and friend of Goku. He is an original character created for the film.

What the fuck? Why would you send Goku to school? Do they realize that they have just enraged thousands of young adults who watched Toonami during their middle school years.

You can try and tell me this movie isn't going to suck. I'm not going to believe you. I'll ignore you.

EDIT: Even worse it's coming out on my birthday. D:>

Maybe you're just like your mother. . .

A friend of mine posted this on facebook, and I thought it was funny and true:

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells husbands.

When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building."

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd - 6th floors have never been visited.

LOL @ men being gold-digging sex addicts. Thoughts? No? Whatever.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

That's just wrong. Well, I've seen wronger.

No, bad Pedobear! BAD!

Really, T.I.? Really?

Live Your Life - T.I. Ft. Rihanna

See, you don't sample the Numa Numa song. The Numa Numa song is something you put in something that's funny, ya know? Meant to be stupid. Whoever thought that was an intelligent idea is an asshole. I honestly would've liked the song if they didn't put that shit at the beginning. Ruined the whole shit.

EDIT: Just Blaze, I still respect you immensely, but I'll always remember that you're the "producer that sampled Numa Numa".