Sperm-Friendly: Jungle Fever Edition

Hayden Panettiere




If I've done enough good shit in my life to store karma, God will reward me by letting me have sex with her vagina. Pre-maritally, of course.

Amanda Bynes




She's hot and funny, which totally gets my motor erect. Then I could tell jokes during sex like "Knock knock" and she'll be all "Who's there?" and then I'll cum on her face.

Nikki Blonsky




I'm not joking or trying to be funny. I'd bone away her hopes and dreams.

Cassandra Lee




I just found her today on Kanye's blog. She's fucking hot. She's going to be up their with Bria Myles for me now. She's so hot, I'm going to post another picture.






Orgasmville


Jenna Von Oy





If you don't know, that's the white girl from the Parkers. I've had a crush on her since I was in middle school and shit and I'd totally bust a. . . Oh, fuck it, I'll show you.



Word.


This chick






I don't know, but she drew her. Plus she got a big, stupid phat ass.

Sperm-Friendly 2009*Not Safe for Women*

YOU CAN'T READ THIS IF YOU'RE MY MOTHER



Amber Rose a.k.a Kanye's New Broad


I have photoshop, but I didn't feel like using it.

She's bisexual and she's hot and apparently, her favorite thing to do is lick snatch. She's so awesome that I couldn't help but want to drip-drop spedackle on her face. Kanye, you lucky bastard.


Nicki Minaj



Oooh, she makes me feel dirty just looking at her. *shudder*

Michelle Obama



Yeah, I just did that.

Sarah Palin



Too bad she's a republican, but I'd still nail her like a carpenter. Her accent is sooooo hot. She can be the V.P. of my penis.

Britney Spears



She's had her little stint of insanity and unhotness, but with that "Womanizer" video, she's brought herself back to "nut on her forehead" status.

Christina Milian



You can't not think Christina Milian is hot. I'd aim my wad right for her face.

Keri Hilson



Super skeetable. The things I would do to her. Remember the "Pee on you" song Dave Chappelle did to make fun of R. Kelly? Imagine that with every instance of "pee" and "poop" replaced with "cum", "skeet" and "ejaculate". "Drip drip drip, skeet on you, I wanna skeet on you. I wanna cum in your food"

That was so wrong.



I'm missing some. Any help?


P.S. Get used to seeing that picture of my face a lot. I think it's awesome. It's going to be my version of that weird ass thing Illseed uses for his avatar.

What the hell, Kanye.

Let's ignore the broad for a minute. This motherfucker has on a jean jacket over a sweater over a button up with a bowtie on it. Now, I haven't been a fan of jean jacket outfits since I had a State Property outfit when I was like 13, but his pants dark as shit compared to his jacket. Now, I'm not claiming to be a fashion connoisseur, but this outfit is just frustrating to me.

And he still has that fucking shag.



I'd drag my . . . I'd do nasty things to her body.

She almost makes the shag forgivable. . .

No she doesn't.

"Your dick is not a hose and my face is not a fire"

After my sperm-friendly post, I thought about how some of these women might feel about having someone shooting half of uncreated babies on their faces and remembered this video. I thought it was hilarious because me and my girlfriend kinda had a conversation like this before, just not with the "eye baby monster fetus" thing or her asking me to bust a nut on my favorite superhero. Just watch it.

The Return of Sperm-Friendly

WARNING: NASTY MAN THOUGHTS. LIKE, FOR REAL, IF YOU'RE A FEMALE, THIS IS THE TYPE OF SHIT MEN TALK ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND. UNLESS YOU'RE A LESBIAN, THEN YOU PROBABLY AGREE.





Aubrey O'Day

She's on the cover of Complex and boy does she look skanky (in as positive a way as a man could say it). Straight nut all on her mandible.



Gabrielle Union

She's my damn dream woman. I would come out of pocket to skeet on her face.



Lacey Duvalle

Now, this isn't fair because Lacey Duvalle is a porn star, so being ejaculated on his common for her and also why she is a porn star. There aren't many "not" sperm-friendly porn stars, except maybe Sara Jay. She's not that hot.



Stacey Dash

I mean, does she really need any introduction. In the words of Solid Snake on Metal Gear Awesome: "OH MY GAWD, YOU'RE SO FUCKING HAWT!"



Chun-Li

Bet you didn't see that coming.