Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Oh Shit, Is That a Pool!?

- IT'S THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH, AND I GOT A BITCH WITH ME

- School's out for the winter. Maybe longer. Maybe more on that eventually.

- What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?











- Santa Claus stops at 3 ho's! LOLLA AT YA BOY.

- *sigh*

- Eric is 5 months now. He's weird as shit. He likes to lean all the way back in to a St. Louis arch shape when you're holding him and he has the uncanny ability to move when you're not looking. Seriously.

- I'm seriously considering going to Ground Control. I want to learn Muay Thai and Judo and shit. Maybe I'll even fight.

- Nothing is more manly than beating a man unconscious and then walking away with a 3 inch gash on your forehead and a swollen eye.

- Except killing a lion and a bear in handicap match.

- I wish I had more to talk about, but I'm focusing on stuff, like - Uh-oh, time to go.

-

Eric 3

Monday, November 16, 2009

Not Cool

Wow That's bad



I just happened to be on Dat Piff and I saw this travesty. First off, while the photoshop job isn't the worst, it's still pretty bad. This nigga on the red carpet. . . look at the cuffs of his pants. You're not balling if your pants look like that.

I also found out that this nigga is from Baltimore.

His mixtape is terrible. He's obviously one of those "rap about money because that's what people want to hear, but I really don't do shit with my life" rappers. I just felt I needed to post this.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Glass Half Full

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Yeah, so I haven't been "blogging" a lot. Whatever. I wanted to do a solid(||) for the dude 810. I told him a while ago that I would post him on the blog being that he's a Baltimore native and he doesn't suck.

He just dropped his mixtape Glass Half Full yesterday. I haven't listened to it yet, but it's been getting rave reviews. Seriously, check this guy out.


I'm going to start posting again. No, for real.

Eric the Baby

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

*S.A.F.O. (or **GTFOHWTS)

So, right, I have this co-worker and shit and this motherfucker is starting to pluck my nerves. The dude, he's like, in his late 30's and all he talks about is fucking wrestling and unfunny jokes. This isn't why he's getting on my nerves, but I'll get to that. He also smells like pissy cardboard, but that's neither here nor there.

Now, when I first started working at (insert company name here) a co-worker who works in automotive tells me "Watch out for (insert annoying motherfucker's name here). He's a snitch." I took heed, of course, but I didn't know the depth of his tattle-tale ways at that point. Let's fast forward to recently.

Now, my manager talks to me focusing more on work and blah blah dick fuck marshmallow ass and I'm like "Cool, whatever. Let's work." At this point, I'm making even more of an effort at my job to look like a "good worker". Unfortunately, the following Sunday, I have to work with old snitchbitch. I spent about twenty minutes outside of my work area trying to get a rack for us to hang clothes on and this nigga pages me over the intercom system like three times. I, personally, have a beef with being treated like a kid, so I ignored him and came back when I was finish. The day goes pretty normal until Monday afternoon.

So I come in and there's a note on the MPU board for me saying what I'm supposed to do and shit when I notice that our lead put something at the bottom. It said something like "Eric has a lot of work to do in the back, being that he didn't do any work on Sunday". First off, that's hogwash because I spent at least 80 percent of my day opening boxes and shit. Second, I know that snitchbitch told her this lie because she doesn't work weekends.

In response, I decided to write a little note of my own, scratching out that bullshit and writing "This is complete and utter tripe. I was, in fact, in the back doing work, despite what (SnitchyMcLiarface) may have claimed." I also noticed that on our board that we have to check off to show what we did, this nigga checked off all of his shit and then wrote in mine "Was on sales floor, not in MPU". Of course, I'm pissed now. If I wasn't actually doing work, I wouldn't care as much, but when I actually put in work and someone starts discrediting me, I don't like that shit. So I then wrote "What is this trash? I would like to see the footage of me on the floor not doing work because this is news to me. I feel that a man in his late 30's making unfounded claims is very immature and offensive." I did actually write that, I didn't edit this shit to make myself sound like a rebel.

I left that up there for our lead to see and I guess she read it. I also found out that (Sir Snitchalot) doesn't trust me with the keys that I need to unlock the TV cage. Now, I need these keys so I can get the shit out in the five minutes that we have to get it without giving up a coupon. Every time this fucker goes on lunch or leaves, he's all "I'm gonna put these keys in the office" knowing damn well I need them. Now, rules are that anyone can carry the keys, as long as they sign them out. I found out from another worker that apparently this fucker doesn't trust me. Now, I could say because I'm black. I will say that shit.

I used to be all nice to this dude because he was weird and standing up for him when everyone said he was retarded, but now my sympathy is dwindling. Can you believe this stool pigeon tried to give me a fist bump the Friday after he tried to get me in trouble? The audacity.

I have insisted that I'm going to start treating him like a bitch, since that's what works for him. I mean, everyone treats him like a fuckboy. The manager, our lead, our co-workers, everyone. I don't know if my lead is angry at me for being a "smart-ass" or whatever, but I think she's trying to put me on fuckboy status, too, which I don't approve of. See, my availability is 10 am until 3 p.m. on Saturdays. Now they're trying to make me come in earlier. Like, 8 am early tomorrow.

LOL

*S.A.F.O. = Suck a fat one

**GTFOHWTS = Get the fuck outta here with that shit

"No one is scared of 50 Cent"

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- This school/work/father shit is tiring. I mean, it's partially my fault I don't get a lot of sleep, but, b, I only get approximately three and a half hours to myself at night.

- It's this African couple in my human geography class. Homeboy girl keep giving me the sneaky eyes and dude be stale-facing me like it's my fault. I don't know if she said something or he caught her, but every time I check his broad out, he staring at me.

- I don't wanna fight over some slore I don't know at UMBC.

-
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- Now, I stopped buying Complex magazine for a while due to the incessant immature gay jokes and and the fact that it's owned by Marc Ecko, who's clothing line isn't even relevant anymore, but the fact that Clipse is on the cover might persuade me to purchase this one.

-
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- I would really like to own this soon. Mark this down for possible future purchase.

- I want to complain about a co-worker, but I'll save that for another blog post.

- I don't know if I'm just crazy, but there has been a recent influx of open gayness in Baltimore. I can't remember the last time I caught a bus without a member of the LGBT community on it.

- Don't think that there is anything wrong with that, but imagine if all of a sudden you started seeing Asian people everywhere.

- Exactly.

- I'm going to a party Friday. Might take pictures. Might not.

- Might be super drunk.

- (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

- like that up there.

- (570): "Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
(609): Haha how much did you smoke
(570): 4 feet of smokeee!

- or like that up there.

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Ecstatic Tour Stop @ the Sonar

So me and Tim, better known now as Martian Lewis, went to the Ecstatic Tour show down the Sonar on Wednesday night. We got there an hour early so we could get front row and only two other people were there in front of us. A lady with a big phat donkey ass and her son. It must've been big phat donkey ass night at the Sonar, because there were a lot of big phat donkey asses.

When we finally got in, we had to wait a whole hour (doors opened at 7:30) for someone to perform. The first performance was by Soul Cannon, a hip-hop/jazz band from Baltimore.


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Soul Cannon was really energetic and they were a live band, so that helped. I'm not talking about the other opening acts because they really weren't worth talking about. Yup.

Jay Electronica came out and opened up with "Dear Moleskine", his Just Blaze produced track that was teased with a trailer. Jay Electronica was high and probably tipsy and you could tell. He also told us that he smoked two blunts with his DJ before he came on.


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Some people complained about his intoxicated state, but fuck them, it was fun. He lip-synched an opera song, told us about his wager with his DJ about women liking getting choked during sex and did a rendition of "Give It To Me Baby".


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However, through bouts of non-hip-hop entertainment, he still managed to perform like six songs, including fan-favorites "Exhibit A" and "Dimethytryptamine".


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Talib Kweli came out next and rocked it, of course. Before he performed, it was interesting to note that they played "Because I Got High" by Afroman and everyone in the crowd knew the words. In the middle of Talib's set, someone proceeded to smoke marijuana in the crowd.


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After Kweli's performance and a fifteen-minute wait, Flaco Bey himself came out, dressed like he was about to drive a train, and proceeded to play the drums while performing "Supermagic" off of the Ecstatic.


Mos,Def



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He also performed some songs from True Magic and did a cover of "Billie Jean".


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Then, Talib Kweli came on stage and they performed some Black Star classics.


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Mos Def also spoke on the Kanye situation, stating that Kanye was his best friend and he "didn't put spit on her, he didn't put his hands on that broad" and that everyone was blowing this out of proportion. Also, he said that Jay Leno should get "smacked in his banana-looking face" for asking Kanye what he would think that his mom would think about his actions.

All around it was fun night, blah blah. Look, it's late, I posted pictures, I'm uploading videos later.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Ungrateful



Oh, wow.

So don't be angry when you see a black dude with a white girl.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

10 Steps Forward, 50 Steps Back

NEW YORK (Sept. 8) -- Brian Milligan Sr. believes his son's race triggered a brutal attack on the streets of Buffalo, New York.

Armed with a chunk of concrete, several assailants beat Brian Milligan Jr. on the back of the head on August 18, leaving a 3-inch gash. They kicked him in the face, breaking his jaw.

Bloodied and bruised, the 18-year-old managed to walk five blocks to his grandmother's house before being rushed to the hospital. Milligan's father believes several African-Americans beat his son, who is white, because he is dating an African-American woman.

Mulligan's father wants police to treat the beating as a hate crime. He also has criticized what he calls a deafening silence from the community, police and the national media.

"If this was a black guy who was beaten by a group of white guys for dating a white girl, people would be up in arms," he said. "There's a double standard." Buffalo police believe a group of about 10 to 15 African-American men attacked Milligan late at night, police spokesman Mike DeGeorge said. Police have made no arrests and are still investigating the motive, he said. Milligan Sr. says he believes the attackers are the same "neighborhood guys" who threatened his son and his African-American girlfriend because of their interracial relationship.

The younger Milligan and his girlfriend, Nicola Fletcher, who is also 18, had recently complained of an increase in insults and threats in east Buffalo, where Fletcher lives and where Milligan was staying with his grandmother, Fletcher said.

"Every time they walk the streets, people stop him and call him 'cracker' and ask her why she's not with a black guy," Milligan Sr. said.



This is embarassing as fuck. It kinda pains me that black people feel that since a bunch of fucked-up shit happened to our ancestors and forefathers, we have the right to be complete and total racist assholes. I do know of black dudes that talk about wanting to fuck white women, but when white dudes get black girls, they label her a traitor. Why is that?

I do jokingly announce that it may have something to do with the fact that most white guys get all the hot black chicks while black dudes mainly date mediocre-faced white women. However, this case isn't all about the boy that was attacked, but the father's pleas with the police.

The dad feels this should be classified as a hate crime, and it very well should be. He contests that if this happened to a black man for dating a white woman, it would be all over the news, and this is true. I mean, the girlfriend serves as a witness that they called the guy "cracker" and asked her why she wasn't with a black guy, so that should be proof enough.

I personally believe in actual equality, not that "I like being equal until it benefits me" shit. Affirmative action? Fuck that, no thanks. That whole thing with Sotomayor about throwing out results because no black person passed a firefighter test? Bullshit. I feel that if a black guy can be a victim of a hate crime, so can Asians, whites, Latinos, etc. I mean, seriously, if this isn't proof enough that having a president of color doesn't change shit, then I don't know what does.

The story has touched a nerve with several members of Buffalo's African-American community, including a local pastor who leads a predominantly black church in Buffalo.

"At first, it didn't affect me the way that it would have if I heard it was a black teen attacked," said the Rev. Darius Pridgen, who spent years fighting for civil rights for African-Americans.

"But after I saw his father on TV pleading with the community to find the assailants, I decided I had to go after the people who beat this kid."

Pridgen said he felt that the community has turned a collective blind eye to the beating. So he gave a fire-and-brimstone sermon at the True Baptist Church on a Sunday after the attack, appealing to his congregation to help find the culprits.
"He didn't deserve to be beaten this way," Pridgen recalled saying at the service. "If you believe this, put your hands together."

If it was a black teen, Pridgen said, "We would have been protesting with flags and everything else."

Rod Watson also addressed the issue in his column in the Buffalo News. Watson, who is black, pointed out that interracial marriages are nearly 10 times higher than they were in 1960, according to U.S. Census data, but still those couples have a tough time being accepted by society.

"If blacks in Buffalo in 2009 are acting like whites in Selma in 1959, this society has big problems, despite electing a president who is himself the product of an interracial union," Watson said.

Judy Milligan, a community activist and Brian Milligan Jr.'s great-aunt, said she has been overwhelmed with support from her friends, both black and white.
Mary Woods, a member of Buffalo's African-American community, reached out to Milligan to offer her support.

"I don't care what color you are, when something like this happens, justice must be served," Woods said. "There had to be someone who saw something, and they should come forward."

Milligan Sr. has criticized the Buffalo Police Department for spending too much time "trying to prove this crime wasn't a hate crime instead of performing a solid investigation."


I actually hope that when these motherfuckers go to jail that the Aryan nation proceeds to rape and beat them on the regular.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Avatar: The Last Crack Dealer

Avatar: The Last Crack Dealer


You should watch it because it's funny and I don't post not funny videos.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Return of What Me and My Brother Talk About on the Phone (Featuring Martian Lewis)

Me: Niggas shooting behind my house

Tim: Word?

Me: Or shooting fireworks. Either way it's not cool.

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Me: Yo, you find the cat, yo?

Terrell: (Unintelligible whispering)

Tim: . . . You making cat noises, yo?

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Terrell: GO, GO, GO!

Me: LMFAO, did you just do a sting operation on the cat?

Tim: He going Metal Gear Solid on the cat.

Terrell: I GOT HIM! I GOT HIM!

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Tim: What was that?

Terrell: The microwave.

Me: I thought you were about to bomb the cat.

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Tim: She started calling him Captain Hook.

Me: Wait, why?

Tim: Because his thing curvy.

Me: Ah. . .

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Tim: Was she even pretty?

Me: Yo, she looked like a squid, yo.

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Terrell: You the one that was wasting time, but I got the pussy.

Me: You know, in retrospect, I'm kinda glad I didn't beat. I mean, it did turn out she was 12 and shit. You did it to the dirty girl.

****************************************************************************

Terrell: When Mama Mary go to West Virginia?

Me: Today!

Terrell: Why?

Me: To see Aunt Mary!

Terrell: I didn't know Aunt Mary was in West Virginia!

Me: What the fuck, she lives there!

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Me: Yo, this might sound gross and sick, but yo. . . this girl came into my job. She was like 9, but she had a really nice ass.

Terrell: Yo a pedophile!

Tim: 9, though.

Me: Stop judging me.

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Terrell: No, Eric brought us the sober monster! Ahhhhhhhh!

Me: Nigga, you tripping.

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Me: Yo, it's this one song, "Got Caught Dealing". Yo, it reminds me of Foghorn Leghorn. It's like, "What the fuck made Pharrell think this shit is banging?"

**************************************************************************

Me: You're thinking oooooof Sharniece

Terrell: I remember her.

Me: Yeah, she used to let us fondle her tits on the playground.

**************************************************************************

Terrell: (talking to cousin) Somebody get that umbrella off the floor. I keep thinking it's the cat.

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Terrell: Yo, that's not funny, yo. That cat ain't no joke, yo. Me and the cat was fighting last night.

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Tim: Her eyebrows thick as shit, though.

Me: They look like parentheses.

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Tim: Yo, he was just like, nah, yo. . . I'm not even gonna say it.

Me: I just admitted I checked out a 9 year old, I'm sure pretty much anything is up for discussion.

*************************************************************************

Terrell: 9, though?

Me: You know what they say: If she knows her ABC's, she can get on me.

*************************************************************************

Me: Okay, whatever, she was 9. Hey, it could've been worse. Like, at least I didn't get an erection.

************************************************************************

Me: She didn't come out and say he took it in the butt. She said they spent a night over each others' houses a lot and I refuse to believe they spent nights with each other being gay and didn't do anything to each others' anuses.

************************************************************************

Me: (talking about Tim) Whole time he look like Uncle Phil when he be throwing Jazzy Jeff out the house.

Terrell: Whole time he dress like Jazzy Jeff though.

**********************************************************************

Terrell: Whole time, Tim look like a fat Wale.

Tim: Whole time, you look Amber Rose

***********************************************************************

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Maybe Because My Talent Got Em Feeling So Inadequate

-
ManfacedJeezylovingslut


- That's the Jeezy loving skank that Illseed is promoting. I'll let you form your own opinions, but I'm just going to say I wouldn't have posted the picture if I thought she was pretty.

- I'm not saying people shouldn't listen to Young Jeezy, I mean, shit, I listen to some Jeezy from time to time. However, saying that Jeezy is one of the nicest rappers rapping? How would you feel if somebody walked up to you like "You know who's a great fucking actor? Nicholas Cage" or "You know what team is going to go to the Super Bowl this year? The Kansas City Chiefs".

- Yo, what's this about Omarion getting dropped from Cash Money already? That was fast.

- I'm mad that people in Cash Money are acting like signing Bow Wow is a big deal. Check this out, Bow Wow's fall off took a drastic increase in speed after "Let Me Hold You", when he had beads in his hair. Bow Wow is tired now. People can say that at least people are talking about it, but let's be honest, no one's gonna care when his album comes out.

- That "Forever" song? Didn't really care for it. I mean, I like the whole "supertracks" where four popular rappers get on a track and shit, but now they're just becoming overhyped. Especially if it features Kanye or Lil Wayne.

- Why did my job get dehumidified? They had big ass generators outside sucking out the "moist" air and pushing hot air into the building because there was some mold downstairs allegedly.

- Now how the fuck did this get done so fast, but we still don't have working air?

- Oh, because some corporate higher-up said that "air conditioning is a luxury".

- Dick's Sporting Goods has air conditioning. Wegman's has fucking air conditioning. Motherfucking CHIPOTLE HAS AIR CONDITIONING.

- Sears Hunt Valley in Cockeysville, Maryland is petty.

- Yeah, I said it.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I'm a Fucking Animal with the Verbs and Nouns

-


- I've been looking for that song for like two months.

- Well, looking means trying to remember the rest of the song by thinking of the chorus over and over again.

- I'm reading a new nigga novel called "Dogism".

- I thought that after reading "The Cake Man" (which is possibly the worst nigga novel ever written), this shit would be like Catcher in the Rye or some shit.

- It's not.

- Yo, it's hot as shit up my job. These douchebags claim that the air conditioning isn't working. I think they just aren't turning it on to save money. Maybe four days out of this entire summer the air conditioner worked.

- Sweaty MILFS are hot.

- This slutbucket on Allhiphop called "Miss Mouth" (slut name) said that Young Jeezy is the greatest rapper alive.

- I honestly believe people deserve to die for comments like that.

- Saying some shit like Young Jeezy or Lil Boosie are great rappers and shit is seriously considered a stupid and friendship-ending comment.

- Now I'm just listening to Anita Baker on youtube.

- Anita Baker is awesome.

-
Advice dog Pictures, Images and Photos



- What, you thought he was gone?

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Nigga Novel Review: The Cake Man

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Maaaaaaan, I've been wondering for a while, "What could I do to make my blog interesting again? All I've been doing is posting pictures and talk about dumbshit." Well, I was reading a "nigga novel" my mother borrowed from someone called "The Cake Man". When I first read the title, I was thinking "This. . . won't end well."

So, I proceeded to read "the Cake Man" and as I read this book, I thought "Wow, this is fucking terrible. I should blog about this."

Here I am.

Well, as I've mentioned multiple times, the book is called "The Cake Man" by Gregory Dixon. Now, it's about a young man named Chris King. His father, Big George, is a drug dealer. It's a nigga novel, everyone knows there has to be at least two drug dealers in it. So, shit happens and eventually Chris' dad ends up going to jail because a rival dealer snitched on him. This forces him causes him to decide he wants to be a street pharmacist like his dear old dad.

So, there is another character they introduce in the beginning named Ali. He's the guy that snitched on George, so he's easily pushed into the important role of "evil drug dealer villain". What could anyone possibly due to make Ali a more heinous character? I know, let's make him rape a woman ten pages into the book.

Not only does he viciously rape this woman, but it seems that Gregory tried to make it sound erotic, also.

Without further hesitation, he slammed into her with only slight resistance, Yvonne's wet pussy accepted his whole length. The orgasm hit her full strength. She screamed and rocked her body, as the spasms gripped her. Finally, satiated, her body went limp.


In the author and poor Yvonne's defense, she was drugged up all the way. However, the point of writing a rape scene is not to make it sound less rape-y. Oh, but Ali sure gets his comeuppance ten pages later. The author gives him a piece of his mind, stating:

Underneath all the bluster and bullshit, he was like any bully and rapist, a coward when it came right down to it, so he'd sold his boys that tough-thug bullshit, which had come back to bite him in the ass.


YEAH, ALI! YOU BIG MEANIE. YOU DOO-DOO HEAD. Seriously, though, I don't write books, but I think it's kind of tasteless to insult your own characters (unless it's in song, like the song from the Grinch). As the author, you should know how to make your characters unlikeable enough that the reader can create their own terrible opinions about a person that's not real.

Wait, I have to talk about one of my favorite parts. Now, young Chris King starts selling drugs because his mom is like "Fuck it, though. Go for it." One night, he's working the block and gets shot at by some niggas, so he flees to a friend of his' house. This is where Jasmine is introduced. She proceeds to help him out, taking care of the cut on his leg that he received from a fence while escaping gunfire. Then, this happened.

My dick started to get hard and, wouldn't you know it, the damned thing popped through the opening in my shorts. Her eyes got big. "Damn, that's a big one. I ain't no virgin or nothing, but I only seen a couple, and they was nowhere near that big." . . . She came around and knelt between my legs. Working the shaft with both hands, she took the crown in her mouth and bobbed her head up and down, sucking gently. It felt like heaven.


That's right, we met the broad two pages ago and she's already sucking the main character's dick. Maybe it's just me, but this shit tripped me the fuck out. Maybe this is Gender and Women's Studies: Women and Race in the Media talking, but the fact that two women (Wait, three. I didn't mention that there was a sex scene between Big George and his wife) were introduced and immediately had a penis inserted into their bodies kind of rings alarms. I'd also like to ask, ladies, if you were helping a man with a leg wound, would you stop in the middle to suck his dick?

I'd also like to add that when the book starts off, he is nineteen years old. Then, at the beginning of chapter four, it says "fourteen months later. . . " and there's a sentence that says "These days, the only way a nineteen-year-old brother with no job. . . ". Why the fuck is he still nineteen?

Back to the story though. So of course Jasmine ends up becoming the love interest. Might I add that she didn't have sex with him for a while, citing the need for it to "be special". I don't see exactly how special sex can be after you just gave a man a blowjob while tending to a gash in his leg. That's some Texts From Last Night shit.

We're also eventually introduced to Vic, Chris' cousin and Chenise, Jasmine's sister. We're introduced to Chenise when Chris gropes her from the back, confusing her for her sister (See? We can't meet a single female in this book without something sexual happening within five pages.) A bunch of shit happens, they rob a truck with medical coke on it or some shit, then they kill some Mexicans in a house to work for kingpin, you know, a bunch of Grand Theft Auto shit. Eventually, due to Chris being a man, he cheats on Jasmine, she gets mad, he has to clear his mind, so what does he do? He goes to Mississippi to see his grandmother on a soul-searching trip.

She tells him some shit about David beating Goliath and becoming king and being greedy, etc. etc. It's unfortunate that he drove to Mississippi from Texas just to hear a bible story he could have read on the internet. Whatever, he comes back to Texas, but of course some shit happened while he was gone.

Ali (the big bully) tried to book Jasmine and failed miserably, leading to a bunch of guns being put in his face. As a result, he contemplates a plan and goes to the guy Vic's club opening. Chenise and Vic have a small argument and Chenise figures she'd get him back by hanging with some random niggas (foreshadowing like a bitch) Ali ends up getting Chenise, confusing her with her sister like Chris did, and proceeds to rape the SHIT out of her. Now, she's in the hospital, Chris comes back, they set up a revenge attack, they attack, no one survives.

But wait, Chris is chilling at home with his mom and Jasmine and then guess who pops up at the door? Ali (fucking coward) and his right-hand man Chino, battle-worn and bruised, armed with guns. So, Ali tells everyone that he's going to rob them and rape Chris' mom in the process. He sends Chino upstairs to get the drugs and money and Jasmine's all like "take me instead" and shit. So, she proceeds to walk in front of Ali and drop her bath robe (in front of Chris' mom, no less) and gets down on her knees. Fortunately, soon as she does, Big George lifts Ali by his neck, which somehow gives Chris the cue to run up and uppercut Ali in the nutsack. Yes, Big George ended up being the deus ex machina, saving everyone from evil Ali. George then proceeds to snap Ali's neck, like a small puppy. Oh, and they blew Chino's brains out when he came down the steps.

No one gets in trouble, no one goes to jail, we're all happy.

I'm not, that book sucked.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

HUGE THUMBTACKS

- I'm an asshole.

- Maaaan, I had to wear some tight pants at work today. I was trying to surprise one of my co-workers and when I crouched under an obstacle to get to her, my massive man-thighs caused my khakis to give way and produced a vicious rip down the left side of my pants.

- That's embarassing, bitch.

- I had to "store use" some pants, meaning I had to pick some off of the clearance rack.

- I ended up getting these pants that leave me no crotch room and barely fit around my legs.

- It felt like my dick was in jail.

- I need new work pants.

- Yo, we have this customer that comes in all the time that picks a vacuum up for repair and turns one in.

- The vacuum cleaners stay looking like shit when they bring them in.

- It looks like they beat people with them.

- I also got on the bus today and there was a girl who's ass was literally popping out the bottom of her shorts.

- I was infatuated until she got off.

- I also had a girl eyefuck me after I helped her grandparents.

- My job is awesome sometimes.

- She was of age.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Otakon 09 Pictures

Just a few though. I've been busy doing nothing. Hey, absent helps the heart grow fonder and all that crap. I figured for those of you who don't watch anime or play video games (Who doesn't? No, seriously, who doesn't do either of those?), I'd post who the people are dressing like.


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SEXT VEGETA Pictures, Images and Photos


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Zangief Pictures, Images and Photos


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taokaka Pictures, Images and Photos




I'll have more pictures later. I could lie and say that I'll post more often, but that would make me a liar. This parenting shit is harder than I thought.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Lazyness

First off, my son freaks me out.

What normal babies do when you put a bottle on their lips: Open their mouths and drink milk.

What my son does when you put a bottle to his lips: Ravenously attacks the bottle until he feels that it's weak enough for him to prey upon it.

What normal babies do when they spit out milk: Sit there and wait for you to wipe it off.

What my son does when he spits out milk: Proceeds to smear it all over his face.

He might be a reincarnated wolf. Werewolf maybe.

I also saw on Illseed's website (Allhiphop)that someone, since The Game is acting like a forgetful bitch, decided to find all of the instances where The Game shouts out/mentions Jay-Z. I will proceed to copy and paste all 70-something of these Jay-Z mentions.



1. "No beef with Jay" "one blood"

2. "Got a hook from Faith, no verse from Jay

I guess on Westside Story he thought I spit in his face" "Westside Story"

3. "Dre told me he ain't doin "Detox," this his only run

Ma$e comin back, and Hovi done" "No more fun and games"

4 "It's "Me & My Girlfriend" like 2Pac and them

Jay-Z and Beyonce, or Bobby and Whitney "Special"

5. "Rap critics politickin, wanna know the outcome

"Ready to Die" "Reasonable Doubt" and "Doggystyle" in one "Dreams"

6. "Make the club R.O.C. without Timberland boots "Higher"

7."I was gassed up, Murder Inc., Roc-A-Fella passed up"

8. "It took me a little while but I am now understandin

Jay ****ed up in the first round when he picked olowankandi" "Memp Bleek Iz"

9. "Oh, that boy colder than Hova unless he sober" "300 Bars"

10. "And ain't nobody tryin to take Beyonce from Jay

But I know a ***** named Superhead he ****ed back in the day" Wouldnt Get Far"

11."Took you to award shows, there go Jay right there"

"One Night"

12."Bangin "The Black Album," track #1

she like that Jay ****, that's her favorite'' "Around The World"

13. "Behind the back to Nas he alley oop to Jigga" "Why U hate The Game"

14. "Niqqas show me love in the hood like i was HOV down Flushing" "State Yo Name"

15. "The day Jay retire I'ma park next to the throne, in a Maybach on gold wires, yeah "Hands On The Pump"

16. "Cuz he know Jay-Z departed

And these other rap labels know don't feed they artists

Talkin blueprint **** you got three garages

Gettin money off Roc like little E and carter"

17. "And 2Pac was in jail the day you called to hit him up

I wouldn't be outside 40/40 bumpin 'Jigga What'"

18."I'm the king, and you better respect it

All I need is Beyonce, and a Roc-a-fella necklace"

19. "I'm the golden boy, and I'm making Hova noise

Got the whole world clapping, just like the Nolia Boys"

20. "I told 'em bomp, slow down baby

Got to get this **** firm like Foxy, NaS and AZ

She said '**** you,pay me

So I left her in AZ

That's what I get for letting her listen to my Jay-Z"

21. "*****, I'm number one, motherfukka bar none

Who else kick knowlegde outside of Hova and the God Son"

22. "U gon make me/ make Jay lose his cool" "Feel It In The Air"

23. "Too much West coast dikc lickn, remember Jay-Z? "1-800-Homicide"

24. "No Em, no Dre, I'm the hottest since Jay" "Get Up"

25. "Cause I'm the man behind the Roc like Kanye West"

26."A pimp like 50, the niqqa to leave you broke ma

6 in the mornin, you stretchin on the sofa

singin ain't no niqqa like Foxy Brown and Hova" "Compton to Fillmoe"

27. "I'm runnin the ROC, not Jay, Dame Dash of Hoffa" "Jackin 4 Beats"

28. "Who the fuk holdin me? i was just waitin 'til HOVA leave

wit my eyes on the thrown that belong to me" "Round Here Freestyle"

29. "yeah its me and young cass til hov come back" "Aim Ya Gunz"

30. "Throw Jay-z in the pot, mix em with ren

or O.J on the rocks, mix em with gin

whatchu got? the westcoast riding again" "82 Days"

31. "i found out it was a hard knock life without asking Jay" "Duck Down"

32. "Fake king of new york, U aint Jay z" "soundscan"

33. "Me, Em and 50 racin' this rap siht is basic I followed that Jay siht" "We Aint"

34. "The kings comin', no I'm not Jay-Z" "One Blood Remix"

35. "Not the rap martyr, or the second rap Carter" "for My gangstaz"

36. "niqqa I'm about a dollar, what the fuk is 50 Cent?

When Jay said it, I didn't know what it meant" "100 Bars"

37. "used to push that rock like Jay Hov" "Red Bandana"

38. "then this marcy-project niqqa came and stole the crown" "Im a soldier"

39. "But Kanye and Hova killed it without a doubt" "Just a lil Bit freestyle"

40. "Who had the hottest chick in the game, wearin they chain

Mr. H to the Izzo, Nas and Hurricane" "too Much"

41. " cuz ain't nobody movin units but Jay, pimp Juice and Us" - Down 4 my *****s freestyle

43. "I used to have visions of retiring like Jigga" "Du Rags

44. "He in a vest with a hoodrat from Marcy with a tattoo of Jay-Z name on her chest" "Its So Hard"

45. "Im classic like Detox & Blueprint 2" "Get Yo Money"

46."Yall thought it was over when Hova retired" "Get Yo Money"

47. "Make the world feel like the niqqas before 2pac Shakur Christopher Wallace & Shawn Corey" "Dont Push Me..."

48. "... He aint teach Jigga how to rhyme" "Juice freestyle"

49. "Im going to same place Jay-z went Fredrico & Pico" "100 Bars"

50. "Hov retired but Compton still pushin Roc" "On & On"

51. "I came to see chicks shake they ass like Beyonce so let me be Hov 4 a min."

52. "All I gotta do is hit her wit a Jay-Z line like u deserve to be my sunshine"

53. "Biggie Smalls is the illest so is pac Jay retired i wonder if nas gon drop" "Unbeliveable freestyle"

54. "i kno they sayin y u gotta mention Jay" "State Yo Name"

55. "First Jay & Beyonce then Nas & Kelis" "A Week Ago Part 2"

56."u 36 And U Still Rappin Uhh, Im 26 And Homie So Iz Da Dubz" "one Blood"

57."So I reconciled my differences like he did with Jigga" Game on 'Hustlers'

58. "Im ready to die Without a reasonable doubt" "The Documentary"

59. "In '99 i studied +The Chronic+ inside out,

a Doggystyle for breakfast, lunch was Reasonable Doubt " "im A Soldier freestyle"

60. "Shouldnt been influenced by Calvin Broadus, Nasir Jones & Shawn Corey" "Pain In My Life Remix"

61. Yo Jay what it do niqqa, i done rocked enough fellas,to be u niqqa,i got the 40/40,they my 2 jigga's"

62. The word n!gger, is nothing like *****

Don't sound **** alike, like Game like Jigga

63."I was more hood then suge, had more rocs then Jay

more scars on my face then the original scarface, or the homeboy scarface."

64. "i need more than 60 seconds i aint Hov"

- Hot 2Nite (Remix)

65."Moved out the hood, changed her name to Jay"

66. "He ain't Nas, ain't B.I.G., ain't Jigga" 300 bars

67. ""Pushing the rock, nah this ain't no subliminal Jay

The summer too hot, and I want the winter to stay" Dear Summer

68.""I'm fly like a Hummingbird on a tree top

The new Hov, the new B.I.G., the new 'Pac, I need three spots"

69. ""Ask a Jay-Z fan about Big Daddy Kane, don't know em, Game gon show em" - Games Pain

70. ""She call me Jay I call her B we getting married to the streets" - Camera Phone

71. ""The kings coming, no i'm not Jay-z/ too many *****s hate me, but they scared to face me" 1 blood remix

72. "So I reconciled my differences like he did with Jigga" Make The World Go Round

73. ""I hear the crowd callin my name Game, Game

but i'm not one so don't try to play me

and this goes from Gucci Mane to Jay-Z" - Laugh

74."hip hop is soft since the Roc-A-Fella break up/and i don't do subliminals I just pick Jay up" - Walk in the streets

75."I'm that six figga *****/who got the word from KRS-One and stole the Blueprint from Jigga" - Feels Good

76."They say at Summer Jam i turned it out/but Kanye and Hova killed it without a doubt" - Just a lil bit (G-Unit Diss)

77.""We on that same elevator goin down, Dodger fitted got that Hova lean so they don't notice me" - Down & Out (mixtape version)"


Yeah, yeah, I'll be original later.

Friday, July 17, 2009

My Favorite Pictures So Far



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Monday, July 13, 2009

Rootin, Tootin, Bootin

I just fucking love the screen capture of my face.


Rooting Tooting Booting from Eric Richardson on Vimeo.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Proof That I Do Anything For the People That Read My Blog

I've been wondering "Hey, what's so great about this Tiny & Toya show?" so I decided to watch the preview on youtube and commentate on what exactly is going on.

*sigh*



0:15 - Wait, Toya is "not over Wayne"? What is so great about this nigga? He looks like a frog's thigh and he's gotten like thirteen other broads pregnant. I must meet this guy. His personality must be super radiant.

0:20 - I can already tell I'm not going to like Tiny. Her voice is like eating a handful of wasabi. If you've ever had wasabi, then you know that shit is fatal.

0:29 - No, she doesn't need to sing. I don't even remember her ever singing when she was with Xscape. Lawl, Xscape. They're so irrelevant now.

0:35 - Wait, she's not over Lil Wayne, but she's telling her own mother she needs to get her shit together? Sounds like she has a bad case of bossy hypocrite.

0:49 - "You get back wit ma daddy Imma get back wit Wayne". Yo, I can see this show is going to be pathetic. I feel like I'm going to vomit out of my lungs.

1:13 - I don't get how Tiny's voice sounds better on the voice-overs. Maybe seeing her unattractive face move with the words make it worse.

1:21 - I swear on my life, if BET didn't give this scummycoochie a show, I would not have known she had Lil Wayne's kid.

1:27 - Where'd she get a lot of love and fame from? I don't know that bitch! At least they mention Tiny in the media every now and again. Lil Wayne goes through broads like cereal, so I didn't know anyone existed before Nivea.

2:36 - Wait, Tiny wrote "No Scrubs"? Wow. Wow.

4:24 - This Toya chick has it bad. She is way too hot to still be stressing over Dwayne Carter, who has since moved on and got around twenty women pregnant.

4:43 - Tiny is so buckethead it's insane.

5:00 - Geeking off of the knock-off version of the "Flipside" beat they are playing right now.

5:12 - Wow, Lil Wayne's mother is on here, too? I'm not surprised because your bond is stronger with a chick your son had his first child with rather than, say Lauren London. I've never liked Lauren London for some reason.

7:06 - Yo, they are country as shit. I swear while I was listening to Toya talk, one of my eyes went lazy.

7:43 - Toya's daughter speaks better than her. I don't know if that hurts my heart or makes me happier for the child.

8:35 - Tiny's voice. . .

9:33 - "Peesh" Instead of saying "peace", Tiny says "peesh". Is she doing that shit on purpose?


I'm not. . . I refuse to watch the second part right now. Just for suffering through this shit for you people, I give you this:


EWOHMYGODWTFYUCKY


Sleep well.

Hating is a Lie

One thing I've been unfortunate enough to grow up to watch is the deterioration of the word "hating". The phrases "hating" and "hater" have gone the way of the term "ignorant".

Ignorant is in no way synonymous with stupidity, but it has grown to seem that way, and has been used by actual ignorant people to call other people. Let me go off of the hating rant real quick to explain the difference between stupidity and ignorance.

If someone knocks on your door and you go downstairs and open it and you get hit in the face with a hammer, that's ignorance. You didn't know the motherfucker was outside of your door with a hammer.

Now, if someone knocks on the door and you look out the window and someone yells "I'm going to hit you in your fucking face with this hammer" and you go open the door anyway, that's stupid.

Now, the word "hater" is becoming just like that. Back in the late 90's when the word gained popularity, it was coined to describe a jealous person. A person with no life outside of disliking someone doing better than them. It's not possible to hate on someone doing worse than you, which I'll get to in a minute. These people can't go a single day without mentioning the object of their envy and deny that they're obsessed with disliking this person.

Nowadays, a "hater" is simply someone with a negative opinion, which has got to be some of the pussiest shit I've ever heard.

Seriously, in hip-hop's heyday, which I would say was back in the early 90's, if someone said you sucked, you most likely sucked, or you would prove that you don't suck. Presently, if someone says you suck, they're hating because you have money, or bitches, or a record deal, or a new pair of shoes.

Suddenly, fans of rap music have taken on this "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" mentality that is quite simply pussytastic to say the least. I mean, what kind of soft-skinned whore can't take criticism?

I most recently watched this fiasco take place on Charles Hamilton's blog. After his numerous career faux-pas, (how do I make that plural?)he ridicules his detractors by calling them "hating queers", etc, etc.

Why must someone be hating on you because you're a fuck up? If people don't like you because you're a fucking moron, you can't say they're hating. Maybe you should re-evaluate the moves you are a making.

Another trend I've noticed is that having haters makes you cool. Apparently, if you have "haters", you're on the right path. I'd have to say you're not. First and foremost, where I'm from, if someone is hating on you, you can't wave at them and say "hi". Haters in Baltimore rob and kill people. If someone sees you flashing your jewelry like a dipshit and talking about your money, you won't make it home with that jewelry and/or money. All of this "Hi Hater" and "big up to all my haters" shit is getting people murdered.

This also turns up on myspace with 14-year-old cunts claiming that they have haters and that their haters motivate them. No one is hating on you if your mom pays your phone bill and still buys your clothes, I can assure you. Matter of fact, here's a checklist of whether or not you could possibly be worth hating on.

1. Do you have your own house? Y N

2. Do you have your own car? Y N

3. Are you attractive? Y N

4. Are you in a gang? Y N (If you said yes, nodamnbody is hating on you)

5. Are you under 18? Y N

6. Have you finished high school? Y N

7. Do you come into contact with famous people? Y N

8. Have you repeated grades? Y N

9. Do you take social networking sites seriously? Y N

10. Do you even plan on doing anything with your life? Y N

Answers are:

1. Y
2. Y
3. Y
4. N
5. N
6. Y
7. N
8. N
9. N
10. Y

If you scored under a 60, congratulations, you're the kind of person that could not possibly be hated on by any person anywhere, so please shut up. There's a difference between someone not liking someone and someone hating on someone, let me give you an example.

Lame guy: Yo, you listen to Gucci Mane?
Smart dude: No, that nigga is trash.

See? He just doesn't like Gucci Mane.

Lame guy: Yo, I'm about to take out the trash.
Hater dude: Like that nigga Gucci Mane. That nigga is trash.

Notice how hater dude just randomly brought up homeboy out of nowhere? If someone brings up someone in a negative light for no particular reason except to just voice their disdain for them, they are possibly a hater. It's that easy to point them out.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT TOTAL




I miss Tourette's Guy.

Half of Him Used to Be in My Scrotum

- He's sitting in my lap as I type.

- He should be doing 40 words per minute by the time he's five.

- I expect great things from him.

- or I'm going to be "mad, real mad, Joe Jackson"

- No, seriously, he moves his neck already.

- He eats like a baby elephant. He's like Unicron Jr.

- If you don't know who Unicron is, then you won't like me.

- So far, we know he likes N*E*R*D and Jill Scott.

- All he pretty much does his literally, eat, sleep, and shit, with short bouts of exercise when he keeps his eyes open. That's why we call him Snorlax.

- Jasmine calls him Fidget because he. . . fidgets.

- My grandmothers call him Tre. For three.

- c h njkjn

- I just made let him type.

- He's adorable.

- I don't know if those are fireworks or gunshots, but if it's the latter, niggas must be playing real-life Doom outside.

Introducing. . .

Eric Richardson the 3rd


Babay



a.k.a

E3

a.k.a

Thor

a.k.a

Snorlax

a.k.a

Tre

a.k.a

Sneezy F. Baby

a.k.a

Fidget


I'll have stories for the nicknames later, but for now, baby pictures.


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In other news, I think there is a bug in my foot. No, for real. I seriously think something is crawling around inside my foot. Like on the Mummy.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Scummy Coochie

- My internet is down and I'm losing my patience with Verizon for not fixing this shit automatically.

- It's so slow at work it doesn't make sense. It's like the zombie apocalypse today.

- I helped a couple that was expecting earlier and they gave up fucking with (insert company I work for name here) to go to (insert competing store's name here).

- I had to sign an online thing saying I can't talk about my job on the internet, so that's all you get to know.

- Well, I told them I shop at (insert competing store's name here) too and I would recommend it.

- It's sad when you recommend other stores to people while you're helping them, but it's true. Target is whooping everyone's ass.

- Whoops.

- Ordered a crib from Wal-Mart.

- My mom is going to order UFC 100 for me for Father's Day.

- Brock Lesnar is going to fuck Frank Mir up.

- I feel like I'm going through internet withdrawal.

- I feel like I lost touch with reality.

- When did Perez Hilton get beat up by Will-I-Am?

- Jeezy and Gucci still beefing? But they both can't rap.

- SOMEBODY POSTED KYLA PRATT AND MEAGAN GOOD'S NUMBER ON TWITTER AND I MISSED IT!?

- Fuck my life.

- Yo, I found out two of my co-workers are fuc-. . . Doing stuff to each other.

- They're both girls.

- I can't access my "SO MUCH WIN" picture from photobucket.

- Angry baby face.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Technical Difficulties

Technical Difficulties Pictures, Images and Photos


Internet is down.

Life losing meaning.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Baby Shower Pictures

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Jasmine's going to complain about this picture, but she can do that on her own blog.


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My mom came up with the idea for the two babies and the little stuff around them. I'm just glad the cake survived long enough to get there.


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That's my cousin Brandon.


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I was barely there 10 minutes and I got a stain on my shirt.


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3 girls, 1 baby


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Terrell and our father's mom.


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That's my mom, my aunt Nita (in unseen part of the picture) and Jasmine's aunts Tina and Debbie.


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That's my dad and my grandmother, Mary.


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My grandma Beverly, my mom and Mama Mary. That's Alicia in the back there.


That's it. Be happy until the baby's born.

Intermission

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I have no idea why, but this picture is just really funny for some reason. Maybe it's the ominous gangbanger palming her ass, I don't know. It looks like the cover to some low budget porno movie.

"Bloods Banging Big Black Bitches"