You Know What Grinds My Gears?

Gay Bashing

Now, I wouldn't consider myself a gay activist, per se, but I do believe in the ethical treatment of humans. I get pissed when people compare the "battle for gay rights" to the civil rights movement of the 60's, but everyone has to admit that gay people get the shaft in the 21st century. lol, shaft.

If you've ever watched the news, you should know what I'm talking about. They always ask some old bitch what they think about gay people and they start saying "They're disgusting! They all need to die! They shouldn't be allowed to get married because faggots are gross! Ugh, yucky!" Okay, I might have over-exaggerated a smidgen, but that's only 20 percent worse.

People don't say shit like this when it comes to race (not including "illegal immigrants". American patriotism gives the okay to racism as long as they weren't born in the U.S. ((That also doesn't matter, as long as they look like they aren't from America))), gender and even age. I think it's fucked up to be able to say such cruddy shit about people without reprimand just because of what they do behind closed doors. Scissoring, reach-arounds, and sword-fighting aside, homosexual men and women were pushed out of vaginas (or stomachs) just like every other mammal.



Except this son of a bitch: the real abomination.

One of my favorite things about gay bashers are the ridiculous reasons they have to dislike someone besides the fact that they think they shouldn't fuck someone with the same genitalia they have.

One example is that many religious nuts and other kinds of nuts think gay people shouldn't get married because marriage is sacred. As all red, white and blue-blooded Americans know, marriage is sacred as shit.



That's some sacred ass shit right there. So, dickhead consensus is that it's okay for a mega-old supercougar to marry Al B. Sure Jr., but if two men get married, Jesus will come back and viciously eliminate all of us? Fuck you, dude.

There's also the argument that I just got hip to, which is that gay people shouldn't be together since they can't have babies. Anyone with common sense could easily counter that with "What about women who aren't able to have babies?" Then, the conversation would go something like:

Dipshit: "Women are supposed to have babies"
Smart person: "What about lesbians?"
Dipshit: "They need a penis"
Smart person: "What if someone puts their sperm in the lesbian and then she raises the baby with her partner?"

Then they lean on the most popular excuse for gay-bashing, the Bible. God said gay people are basically monsters.


What gay people looked like before Christ

The Bible also said it was okay for a man to repopulate with his daughters and to tell a man to kill his son just to see if he would do it. The Bible was written by humans and is therefore going to be laced with bits of bias. Besides, if God made every human, and homosexuals are humans, why would God make an abomination to himself? That's like me fucking hating peppermint patties and then making a peppermint patty just to hate it.

Loud Bitches

I'm a quiet guy. Rather than yell across the street at someone that doesn't see me, I'd rather jog across and scare the shit out of them. Some call it creepy, I call it "being considerate to the fact that other people don't give a fuck about anything I have to say out of my mouth, so I'm not going to raise my voice like an assface".

Unfortunately, not everyone shares my sentiments. Being a native of Baltimore City, I had to get used to the incessant screaming of hoodrats, recognizing it as a given, much like our infamous junkies.



Imagine seeing this every time you go to a gas station

Me, however, being the quiet guy, I dislike this shit immensely. There's nothing I hate more than sitting on the bus with 5 teenaged scumpussies in the back yelling about shit no one cares about. To make themselves even more ghetto and undesirable, they get upset when people look at them like they're retarded or decide to be extra loud when talking about someone else on the bus. Sadly, no one has directed a tirade against me, because I will shut them down properly.

One thing I dislike more than a loud female bitch is a loud male bitch. Me being my manly self, I feel that any man who does something like talk on the phone all the time without an important job or speak really loudly on the phone is a bitch. Guys don't have to talk on the phone when they're by themselves to scare people away from hollering at them, so any excuse is unacceptable.

My Son

If this nigga doesn't stop doing the same shit I told him not to do 7 seconds ago, I'm gonna drop that motherfucker.

Itunes

Fuck Steve Jobs and fuck Apple.

Niggas who underrate women to look cool

Like, really? That shit gets annoying seeing people post pictures of superbad complete and agreeable, ass-hot spankable women and then seeing a comment like "thighs are too fat". What is the point of this? I refuse to believe there are men with standards that high.



"She has elbows like Baraka"

No, really. Do you know any men (or women) with girlfriends that are "OH, HOLY FU-. . . WOW" hot? Now count the amount of men (or women) you know with normal attractive girlfriends. I assure you the ratio of "WHOA, ARE YOU REAL?" hot girlfriends to "I'd beat" girlfriends are about 1:6, respectively. I'm not saying men don't have standards, but I find it dishonest to pretend that you're standards for a woman's body have shit to do with whether you'd be naked around her or not. I mean, honestly, I don't care about a chick's calf muscles or neck length. What matters is "is she hot?" and "will anything on her make me uncomfortable visually or physically mid-coitus?"

*S.A.F.O. (or **GTFOHWTS)

So, right, I have this co-worker and shit and this motherfucker is starting to pluck my nerves. The dude, he's like, in his late 30's and all he talks about is fucking wrestling and unfunny jokes. This isn't why he's getting on my nerves, but I'll get to that. He also smells like pissy cardboard, but that's neither here nor there.

Now, when I first started working at (insert company name here) a co-worker who works in automotive tells me "Watch out for (insert annoying motherfucker's name here). He's a snitch." I took heed, of course, but I didn't know the depth of his tattle-tale ways at that point. Let's fast forward to recently.

Now, my manager talks to me focusing more on work and blah blah dick fuck marshmallow ass and I'm like "Cool, whatever. Let's work." At this point, I'm making even more of an effort at my job to look like a "good worker". Unfortunately, the following Sunday, I have to work with old snitchbitch. I spent about twenty minutes outside of my work area trying to get a rack for us to hang clothes on and this nigga pages me over the intercom system like three times. I, personally, have a beef with being treated like a kid, so I ignored him and came back when I was finish. The day goes pretty normal until Monday afternoon.

So I come in and there's a note on the MPU board for me saying what I'm supposed to do and shit when I notice that our lead put something at the bottom. It said something like "Eric has a lot of work to do in the back, being that he didn't do any work on Sunday". First off, that's hogwash because I spent at least 80 percent of my day opening boxes and shit. Second, I know that snitchbitch told her this lie because she doesn't work weekends.

In response, I decided to write a little note of my own, scratching out that bullshit and writing "This is complete and utter tripe. I was, in fact, in the back doing work, despite what (SnitchyMcLiarface) may have claimed." I also noticed that on our board that we have to check off to show what we did, this nigga checked off all of his shit and then wrote in mine "Was on sales floor, not in MPU". Of course, I'm pissed now. If I wasn't actually doing work, I wouldn't care as much, but when I actually put in work and someone starts discrediting me, I don't like that shit. So I then wrote "What is this trash? I would like to see the footage of me on the floor not doing work because this is news to me. I feel that a man in his late 30's making unfounded claims is very immature and offensive." I did actually write that, I didn't edit this shit to make myself sound like a rebel.

I left that up there for our lead to see and I guess she read it. I also found out that (Sir Snitchalot) doesn't trust me with the keys that I need to unlock the TV cage. Now, I need these keys so I can get the shit out in the five minutes that we have to get it without giving up a coupon. Every time this fucker goes on lunch or leaves, he's all "I'm gonna put these keys in the office" knowing damn well I need them. Now, rules are that anyone can carry the keys, as long as they sign them out. I found out from another worker that apparently this fucker doesn't trust me. Now, I could say because I'm black. I will say that shit.

I used to be all nice to this dude because he was weird and standing up for him when everyone said he was retarded, but now my sympathy is dwindling. Can you believe this stool pigeon tried to give me a fist bump the Friday after he tried to get me in trouble? The audacity.

I have insisted that I'm going to start treating him like a bitch, since that's what works for him. I mean, everyone treats him like a fuckboy. The manager, our lead, our co-workers, everyone. I don't know if my lead is angry at me for being a "smart-ass" or whatever, but I think she's trying to put me on fuckboy status, too, which I don't approve of. See, my availability is 10 am until 3 p.m. on Saturdays. Now they're trying to make me come in earlier. Like, 8 am early tomorrow.

LOL

*S.A.F.O. = Suck a fat one

**GTFOHWTS = Get the fuck outta here with that shit

Hating is a Lie

One thing I've been unfortunate enough to grow up to watch is the deterioration of the word "hating". The phrases "hating" and "hater" have gone the way of the term "ignorant".

Ignorant is in no way synonymous with stupidity, but it has grown to seem that way, and has been used by actual ignorant people to call other people. Let me go off of the hating rant real quick to explain the difference between stupidity and ignorance.

If someone knocks on your door and you go downstairs and open it and you get hit in the face with a hammer, that's ignorance. You didn't know the motherfucker was outside of your door with a hammer.

Now, if someone knocks on the door and you look out the window and someone yells "I'm going to hit you in your fucking face with this hammer" and you go open the door anyway, that's stupid.

Now, the word "hater" is becoming just like that. Back in the late 90's when the word gained popularity, it was coined to describe a jealous person. A person with no life outside of disliking someone doing better than them. It's not possible to hate on someone doing worse than you, which I'll get to in a minute. These people can't go a single day without mentioning the object of their envy and deny that they're obsessed with disliking this person.

Nowadays, a "hater" is simply someone with a negative opinion, which has got to be some of the pussiest shit I've ever heard.

Seriously, in hip-hop's heyday, which I would say was back in the early 90's, if someone said you sucked, you most likely sucked, or you would prove that you don't suck. Presently, if someone says you suck, they're hating because you have money, or bitches, or a record deal, or a new pair of shoes.

Suddenly, fans of rap music have taken on this "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all" mentality that is quite simply pussytastic to say the least. I mean, what kind of soft-skinned whore can't take criticism?

I most recently watched this fiasco take place on Charles Hamilton's blog. After his numerous career faux-pas, (how do I make that plural?)he ridicules his detractors by calling them "hating queers", etc, etc.

Why must someone be hating on you because you're a fuck up? If people don't like you because you're a fucking moron, you can't say they're hating. Maybe you should re-evaluate the moves you are a making.

Another trend I've noticed is that having haters makes you cool. Apparently, if you have "haters", you're on the right path. I'd have to say you're not. First and foremost, where I'm from, if someone is hating on you, you can't wave at them and say "hi". Haters in Baltimore rob and kill people. If someone sees you flashing your jewelry like a dipshit and talking about your money, you won't make it home with that jewelry and/or money. All of this "Hi Hater" and "big up to all my haters" shit is getting people murdered.

This also turns up on myspace with 14-year-old cunts claiming that they have haters and that their haters motivate them. No one is hating on you if your mom pays your phone bill and still buys your clothes, I can assure you. Matter of fact, here's a checklist of whether or not you could possibly be worth hating on.

1. Do you have your own house? Y N

2. Do you have your own car? Y N

3. Are you attractive? Y N

4. Are you in a gang? Y N (If you said yes, nodamnbody is hating on you)

5. Are you under 18? Y N

6. Have you finished high school? Y N

7. Do you come into contact with famous people? Y N

8. Have you repeated grades? Y N

9. Do you take social networking sites seriously? Y N

10. Do you even plan on doing anything with your life? Y N

Answers are:

1. Y
2. Y
3. Y
4. N
5. N
6. Y
7. N
8. N
9. N
10. Y

If you scored under a 60, congratulations, you're the kind of person that could not possibly be hated on by any person anywhere, so please shut up. There's a difference between someone not liking someone and someone hating on someone, let me give you an example.

Lame guy: Yo, you listen to Gucci Mane?
Smart dude: No, that nigga is trash.

See? He just doesn't like Gucci Mane.

Lame guy: Yo, I'm about to take out the trash.
Hater dude: Like that nigga Gucci Mane. That nigga is trash.

Notice how hater dude just randomly brought up homeboy out of nowhere? If someone brings up someone in a negative light for no particular reason except to just voice their disdain for them, they are possibly a hater. It's that easy to point them out.

Tears for Sears

- A lady came in last week. Old girl had a layaway. So, we're looking for the layaway and it turns out we can't find it. The lady asks and I tell her "We're having trouble finding it, but we'll have your merchandise in a matter of minutes". So, the lady replies "I'm in a hurry! I have a relative dying of cancer that I have to take to a doctor's appointment at 9:30!" It's 9:18 AM. Now, I would've felt bad, but why the fuck are you picking up a raincoat from Sears if your family member's doctor's appointment is so important? Long story short, she got mad and left and we found her raincoat 2 minutes after she caught wheels.

- This couple, the Goldstroms, comes in. They want to pick up an assembled grill. At this point, we've had forty billion pick-ups for assembled grills. The male says "We don't know if it's here for sure, but we just wanted to check." I look in the back at the grills waiting for customer pick-up and none of them say Goldstrom. I go back out and tell these people "Sorry, we don't see your grill. It may not have come in yet." The male says "Okay" and walks into the store. (From MPU((Merchandise Pick-Up)), you can go directly into the Sears through a hallway) I'm chilling, thinking nothing of it, when Kevin comes to MPU looking perturbed. Now, Kevin is one of the managers for Tools. People get me and him confused a lot being that we're both short, black and stocky.

Well, he's all like "So Goldstrom told me you said that their grill wasn't in." I reply "I didn't see a Goldstrom." He then proceeds to explain how I could have gotten a pre-assembled grill of the same item number. At this fucking point, I didn't want to deal with one more motherfucking retard customer who came to pick up a big, stupid ass grill in a goddamn, ugly ass SUV. It wouldn't fit. So, I end up having to give them a grill anyway and lo and behold, I had to help the motherfucker unscrew a piece of so it would fit in his dipshit, ass-licking SUV.

- Some asshole comes in to pick up an assembled grill. Whatever. We bring him his grill and this douchebag is examining it and notices that the grill is fucked up.

It's not.

There was an area of scratched off paint about the size of a thumbnail in the corner where the grill closes down. Now, see, this area would end up getting scratched anyway due to opening and closing the fucking grill. He's also pissed because the door on the bottom only closes 98.4 percent of the FUCKING way. So, he asks, "do you have any other grills?" I say "I think we have one more". I go in the back to grab this nigga another grill and our LP(Loss Prevention) guy walks him in the back to the room with all the grills. I'm not going to put any vulgar expletives in front of his name because he apologized for it afterwards.

Long story short, the asshole looked at every grill and then decided that he didn't want a grill and returned it.

- Remember Perry? Yeah, me too. Well, let me get this one out of the way first. Now, a co-worker told me that she saw Perry downtown with . . . Jim(he's notoriously gay if you didn't read the post I linked to). She said they were hugged up on the lightrail. Not cool.

- Well, when Perry got fired, he ended up wrestling with the cop that was escorting him out. This nigga called me like two or three weeks ago leaving a voicemail asking if I could be a witness for him in court. Yo, I wasn't even there.

- Know what I hate about Sears customers right now? These motherfuckers will scan the receipt to pick-up their items and then leave immediately to get their cars. I come out ten seconds later and no one is there. That shit is getting on my nerves. The fucking machine says "Please bring your vehicle to pick-up before scanning your receipt for a quicker transaction". How hard is that?

Display Names That Make Me LOL II

1. ♥SIMONE is FANCY {ILLEGAL}- I have no idea what this means.

2. {A.N.T} She Is A Tiger [Rated R] - I hope he's not talking about his sex partner, because last I heard, bestiality is illegal in Maryland. Plus tigers will kill you.

3. HE TELLS ME I'M ADORABLE - He probably tells everyone that when they give him blowjobs.

4. Jason's Official MySpace - It's funny because he's not famous.

5. {WoOoW3rz} Th3s3z ChAiNz..... - . . . Still don't know what this shit means.

6. (T@hti@na@>:Miss Congeniality - I bet if Firefox didn't have auto-spell check, congeniality would've been spelled wrong. She still doesn't know what it means, though.

7. U will be cut off just watch but i still luv ya - Talk about bipolar.

8. khaki♥ - "She look like a pair of khakis" - Terrell

9. D∀t By₮cH is ∀ JOK∋ 2 Ｍe - How do these kids get past 6th grade?

10. NEW ME AND IM LOVEING IT TO THE FULLIST - It's sad because unlike these other dolts, he probably thought he was spelling this shit right.

11. Swaganair - I just wanna punch this nigga for that name.

12. page under construction - If it takes you so long to fix your myspace that you have to put "under construction", then you probably shouldn't have one in the first place.

13. "IM A HUGE ROCK FAN GET OVER IT" - This nigga like 6 years late since hella black people openly listen to rock music now. He might as well have just said "I'M A TOTAL FUCKING POSER GET OVER IT"

14. ღDouqalss Badmitton Record 9-1ღ - I can't talk because I wrestled, but who gives a fuck about Badminton? And how do you play a sport and not know how to spell it?

15. wishin mii man was true 2 mii - Then why don't you leave him, you dumb skeezer?

16. NO BITCH AINT GOT SHIT ON ME!!! - That's a double negative. So you saying that there are bitches that "got shit" on you. That's disgusting.

17. LIL WOODY ALL DAY - Pause.

18. I Graduated But Aint Nothing Change Im The Same! - And that's why you're going to end up with a bad job.

19. WHERE IS HE :( - Not with you.

20. { &ND TRUTH IZ I DONT WANT 2 LOST HIM}} - Wow. That spelling error was so bad I'm not even going to get on her. I just feel bad for her whole existence.

21. I KNOW U LOOKIN @ MY PAGE THINKIN DAMN I MISS HER! - Teenage girls are so naive it makes my life ache.

22. мяs.ρєяƒєcŧ|.o°•chєckk.мє.out!•°o< - Kill yourself in the most vicious way possible.

23. *In Love with my imagination* - and that's why you'll die a virgin.

24. ╔╝╚╗⌠¬.¬⌡╔╝╚╗ - Fuck you and your future.

25. sexy gril - It's sad that I'm only 20 and I'm already complaining about how dumb kids are.

26. FUCK DEY DO DAT AT? BITCH - You get the Nigger of the Week award for this one.

27. ~YO Y MIS NINAS NO NECESITAN NINGUN NIGGA~ - Me and my girls don't need something. I don't know, my Spanish is rusty. What I do know is that teaching these ignorant children new ways to say dumb shit is why they're closing down Baltimore high schools.

28. HeSs BaCkK[♥ Uu MikE]AnDd GoIng 2 StaY 4 A WhiLE - Notice how she said he's back and going to stay for a while? She's basically admitting he's going to leave her again.

29. SIN(SEXY INTELLIGENT NICE) - I wonder what goes through their heads when they make this shit up and type it.

30. {~haters just kno i keep dem goons around mii when - Wait, for the finale, I need to post this dude's headline.

"yall dam ass ass niggas need to stop hate on a nigga in a damn life to live cuz nigga yu hate cuz yu cant live mines dats why yu hate damn man get on my level get on some grown man shit like mii !!!!"

It is my personal opinion that when men keep whining about haters, they come off feminine to me. I understand women whining about haters because chicks be mad at each other over silly shit, but dudes? Either shut up or off yourself.

I need to do a "display pictures that make me LOL". I've seen some funny shit.

So, I Wanna Post A Bunch of Crap, So I'm Just Going to Cram Them into One Post

It's our two year anniversary.



Pour out some Cristal Juicy Juice for my unborn child.



Kanye's getting the cover of Complex again.



COPPED It's weird and Science Fictiony and awesome.

I want this shirt.



Not in my budget.