Friday, December 26, 2008

Vagina Dentata! What a Wonderful Phrase!

I don't know why I'm typing this at work, but we haven't had a pick-up in, like, an hour so I'm confident I could complete this.

I was playing Dead Space last night when I started thinking about all of the retarded myths I heard about sex when I was young. I decided I would post them and see which ones still hold true or false.

1. Women don't like having sex.

False. I used to believe, when I was around nine, that women didn't enjoy having sex. I figured they just gave us coochie because we were men and we wanted it. That was super wrong. I then later on learned from my dealing with females that they can actually manipulate you into believing otherwise through a method called "bluffing" and then finally taking you for the penis before you even know what hits you.

2. If you masturbate, you don't get any pussy. At All.

False. I used to feel guilty when I was, like, twelve because I used to beat off like a madman. Turns out that unless you are Denzel Washington, you can't just walk out of your house and point at a chick and get some coochie immediately. Even when you have a girlfriend, you'll always have Palmela. She's been through the thick and the thin, the hard times and all of the sticky situations.

3. A virgin is someone who does it to their cousin.

False. Don't laugh at me. When my friend told me that when I was eight I believed that shit. A matter of fact, one of my classmates said "Yeah, I'm a virgin" and no one really cared. That's fucked up.

4. Pussies have teeth.

False. I can see how if a chick doesn't take proper care of it, it might feel like it, but that's stupid. I believe there may have been cases of vagina dentata, but not enough to believe that a high percentage of women have it. I'm sure it's some myth some guy created to keep his son from sticking his dick in places it doesn't belong.

5. Masturbating makes your hands hairy/your eyes blind/your penis small.

Ha! Hahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

6. Gay men are obvious.

False. I mean, look at Lil Wayne. He's done more gay shit than the average man can get away with and a majority of people genuinely believe he only likes women, but Kanye wears a yellow shirt and regular fit jeans and suddenly he's a flaming fag. America needs to figure something out.

7. Ugly sex is the best sex.

. . . The verdicts still out on that one. I do know that after you smash a buttaface and get the cum demon out, you start to realize the serious mistake you've made.

8. If you eat out, you can't please with your penis.

Super false. A lot of the guys who believe this end up embarassing themselves. Trying some shit they have no business doing or something.

9. Women don't have orgasms.

That's totally false. Trust me, I know.

10. Women like guys with money.

True and false. If that's the only way you get girls, then look forward to a lot of disappointment in your life.

Maybe more later. I should be helping clean the compactor after these assholes filled it with shit that shouldn't be there.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I Hate the Geek Squad. Dead Ass.

- I'm currently using the internet from my PS3. Apparently, I'm such a hardcore fanboy that the ecks button on my usb keyboard doesn't work(read "ecks" out loud, please)

- All I'm doing right now is listening to Baltimore Club Music on youtube and freaking out. I swear to God, I just saw a ball of light form out of the corner of my right eye and when I turned around nothing was there. It's not a headlight from a car or a streelight because I can't see headlights from my room and no streetlights are that bright. My mother says it might be my uncle that passed away earlier this year. She's not helping.

- No, Reggie, I don't work at Dunkin Donuts. I wish I did. I actually work at a Sears.

- Speaking of Sears, Perry was fired and was escorted after a brief scuffle with the police. I may or may not talk about it later.

- Speaking of work, I want to work at Up Against the Wall out Mondawmin. They sell Kid Robot and The Hundreds and other brands I fantasize about purchasing. My PS3 won't let me type further :(.

Monday, December 22, 2008

I'm Totally Working Right Now

To take a page from Malcolm's book.

- Okay, the fellatio/cunnilingus thing was me introducing one of my male friends to a few lady friends and I told him to introduce his self. He started off with "My name is *****. I like long walks on the beach. I'm the absolute best at fellatio" to which I immediately cut him off and corrected him yelling "HE MEANS CUNNILINGUS! CUNNILINGUS!"

- I'm wired off of donut sugar

- I won my first regular season game. (Ravens 13 - Bengals 7)

- I really want to get laid. This "sex hiatus" that I'm being forced into taking is helping increase the intimacy of my relationship.

- My lying co-worker still gropes his cousin

- One of my co-workers just made me laugh and shoot donut crumbs out of my nose. In front of a customer.

- To Schoolin: I don't have any of Charles Hamilton's pre-DJ Skee mixtapes. The first mixtape I downloaded by him was Outside Looking.

- My beats are awesome. I might even rap soon.

- Way more women have seen my penis without getting penetrated this year than I'm comfortable with.

- My younger brother is a ho.

That's it. Hopefully I have my internet up by tomorrow.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

What's happened since I've been dead to the world wide web

- Someone at my job got fired and one of my co-workers had to L out a thief.

- My brother fucked up hard.

- One of my friends, I won't say who, confused fellatio with cunnilingus. Out loud.

- I haven't been getting laid :(

- I've bought Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion and Madden 09.

- I beat Mirror's Edge.

- The Ravens might still go to the playoffs.

- I haven't had sex D:

- I've gotten an application to start driving school.

I still don't have the internet yet. I have to take my computer to the Geek Squad Tuesday and shit. Yay.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

My Internet is Being Real Bitch Ass

My computer is in an interesting paradox of sorts. So, my internet connection is fine. I can go on the internet from my PS3 and everything. However, I can't use any of my web browsers to get on. Internet Explorer and Mozilla Firefox won't get to the internet, so I'm baffled like a 3 year old in a strip club. I'm trying to get in contact with the Geek Squad, but the Best Buy closest to my house doesn't have a number on 411 and the second closest seems to have a number that doesn't work.


Right now I'm at school about to put the finishing touches on my last two mid-terms and then I'm turning those bitches in so I can sleep longer. Well, after I my mother and brother get out of school since I have to keep waking up to wait for the bus with that nigga young man.

Nothing new has happened up Sears and I refuse to make another topic for it that doesn't warrant it because that shit is taking over my blog. First me talking to my brother on the phone and now this. This is the "E-Rich Show", not the "E-Rich and T-Jay show" or the "Funny Liars at Sears Show".

I haven't even started on these papers.

I'm planning on purchasing one of those good ass Canon cameras with the lens', so I might start taking pictures and shit. If I start loving it too much, I'm going to make a separate blog for photography.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Dig a Hole, Nigga, Bury Yourself

Uh-oh! Here's a continuation of the "Perry" story from my job, but with an unexpected twist!

Yesterday, right, Perry starts talking to me in MPU and the conversation goes something like:

Perry: "You saw Asscheeks, right?"
Me: "Yeah"
Perry: "You would fuck?"
Me: "Duh, nigga, I'm a man"
Perry: "But I'm saying, if she straight offered you the pussy, would you take it?"
Me: "Yeah, but ain't you trying to beat?"
Perry: "Yeah. We was just kissing in the break room."
Me: "For real?"
Perry: "Yeah. She had a mint and I said I was tryna get it so she put it on her lip"
Me: "Uh-huh"
Perry: "And I kissed her and put my tongue in her mouth and she said I was nasty"
Me: "Word?"

Wait, this is the best part.

Approximately an hour ago, my co-worker Mark calls me and that conversation goes like this:

Me: "What?"
Mark: "Guess who's related?"
Me: "Let me guess. Is one of them Perry?"
Mark: "Yeah."
Me: "And the other one's Asscheeks?"
Mark: "Yep."
Me: "Get the fuck outta here!"

Apparently, Asscheeks came up to Perry like "You know we're related, right?" and he says "Stop fucking playing." Asscheeks then lists off family members that Perry then recognizes. From Mark's telling, Perry is mad as a motherfucker.

Now, let's think back. This nigga sat here and claimed he almost had sex with Asscheeks in a dressing room and he just said he made out with her in the break room the previous night and now he finds out that they're related. He sat their and told all of these lies about the girl and the encounters they had and they were cousins this whole time.

My girlfriend thinks this situation is stupid and we should've been called him out, but she's lame. She insists we shouldn't let him insult our intelligence and lie to us to our face, but that's not my style. Instead of being direct, I like to play more of the spectator role and let people run themselves into a brick wall. This nigga hit a wall at, like, 140 miles per hour.

I can't wait to see what other shit happens at Sears High School.

Lil Wayne Gets 8 Grammy Nominations and Now This Shit. . .

Soulja Boy is allegedly getting his own video game. Why? I don't fucking know, but I'm offended.

"Soulja Boy video game is coming for Xbox 360 in 2009. After I put the Xbox 360 challenge up on the Internet, it was over all these video game sites. And a couple video game companies hit me up on my email because I put the email on there too. And hit me up like, “Blah, blah, blah, blah.” So I was like, “Oh snaps!” So I forwarded to my management, and they forwarded to my label. And now we’re doing the video game."

Instead of voicing my displeasure, I'm going to instead post my favorite comments from the Kotaku article about this shit-shittery.

Goddamn I hate him and his stupid face. He sucks at Halo (go look him up, hes got a lower than 1:1 KD, and even plays PRIVATE games for the majority), he talks like something heavy hit him in the head as a small child.

Its news like this that makes me question my faith in humanity.

This is going to give atheists something to point at and say, "See? Right there!"

All they had to say was blah blah blah? that doesn't sound like a firm offer to me.

I'm sorry, I speak fluent dumb-ass and even I can't understand what the hell he's saying whenever he opens his mouth. I assume he's not that well versed in english either if anyone talking to him sounds to him like gibberish.

I literally took one look at the headline and said, "oh no."


So, I'm quitting video games now. Anyone else with me?

The game is called "Go Back To School"...

This is one game I really truly hope stays exclusive to the 360.
Though I'm a PS3 fanboy at the core...
Even I don't think the 360 deserves such a punishment.

I agree with the last one. Those Xbox-heads can have that shit.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Bluffing Like a Girl That Giggles and Says No

Ugh, niggas tired as shit because of finals, and mine's haven't even started yet! If I have any grammar errors, forgive me and chalk that up to finals madness.

Okay, I wanted to keep this held in for as long as possible, but fine. I work at Sears. More specifically, Sears, Roebuck & Co. I'm not going to state the area where this Sears is because I don't want someone to google it and they find my blog and shit. That's unnecessary.

I work in Merchandise Pick-Up which is basically where people go to pick-up stuff they can't carry around, so we have to bring it to them from the stock room. It's pretty fun since we get to walk the floor a lot and we rarely have shit to do if no one's picking up. I should stop before a general manager sees this or something. They probably will.

Now, to the point, there's this guy that works at my job. Let's call him Perry. So, Perry is, as we have learned recently, a habitual liar. This guy just lies for no reason. You know how when you were little you had that one kid in your class that always made up fantastic lies? Like, everyone told lies. You might knock over a cup of soda and the teacher will say "Who did that?" and you'll say "I don't know". He's not like that. He's the kid who will just be having a casual toddler conversation and he'll say some shit like "My dad knows the Power Rangers" and be dead ass serious.

So, right, we found out about dude lying hard when he told me and some other co-workers that he was a mixed martial art fighter. Now, his best friend who we'll call Derrick knows he's a liar since he told me this a few days after Perry started working there. I asked Perry what fighting style does he practice and this nigga says "Freestyle. I do my own style." Riiiiight. Perry then tells me I should come to his next match which is on December 15th. I'm like "Whatever, sure", hoping I'd get some form of proof. I ask one of my other co-workers, whom he is trying to talk to who we'll call Bucketheadisha, about it and she says "Oh, he told me the 14th". It turns out he told some of my other co-workers that it was on the 16th.

Now here's the funny story. So it's some new chicks working at Sears and he wants both of the one's working in a particular department. One of my co-workers in Merchandise Pick-Up wanted to talk to one since she's hot and stacked like a video ho, so I'm like "Go for it", you know? I'm one of those guys that would do his best to stay out of the way and not make any cockblocker moves. Another chick starts working in the department with who we'll call Asscheeks and we'll call this chick Titney. Asscheeks is the stacked one if you're getting confused. Titney also happens to be friends with Bucketheadisha(go figure).

So we have:

Perry(the liar)
Derrick(friend of the liar)
Bucketheadisha(. . . Buckethead*)
Asscheeks(Phat butt)
Titney(mediocre face)
(I don't know if you can tell, but I'm confident these people won't read this, but even if they do, I stand by my choice of words)

*Buckethead(n, adj) - A female who acts in a manner undesirable in a girlfriend. One who teases one man and fucks the other. One who desires to be a girlfriend, but can't handle the pressure of not being a ho-bag during a relationship.

synonyms - chickenhead, smutmonkey, Karrine Stefans, cocktease

Antonyms - ingenue, wifey, girlfriend, Janelle Monae

Are you following? Good.

Now, my Merchandise Pick-Up co-worker whom I will call Mark(since that's his real name) calls me on Wednesday I believe to put me up on the situation. Now, Mark, who already called dibs on Asscheeks, says that Perry told him to not talk to Asscheeks because he wanted her. Mark says that at one point him and Perry were going up the escalator and Perry waved to Asscheeks. Perry says "Yo, don't wave to her", but Mark waves to her anyway. So apparently, Perry decides to spew vicious lies that couldn't possibly be true.

1. He claims that both Asscheeks and Titney want his body. He told both of them that he is a virgin(which a lot of people know isn't true just by looking at him) and they believed him. The girl Titney even told Mark that she was going to take his virginity. He also says that one night when all three of them left the store, he walked out and Titney was reaching in his pants while Asscheeks backed up on his penis.

2. He did/almost fucked Asscheeks and Titney in the dressing rooms. The reason I put did/almost is because he told two different people two different stories. Since they are both bi(That is true), they were going to please him at the same time until a co-worker walked in on them.

3. One night Perry and Titney were leaving work and Asscheeks called Titney and asked where "Young Sexy" was(what?). Perry admits that he was upset, though, when Asscheeks asked where Mark was.

3. He alleges that he fought one of our co-workers, who we will call Jim, on the lightrail. Jim is notoriously gay and Perry says that Jim said some gay shit to him and touched his butt and he didn't like it. Perry then pushes Jim and Jim allegedly pulls out a blade on him. They begin fighting and Perry punches Jim and Jim falls in the stairwell leading off of the lightrail. Jim gets up and bangs the shit out of Perry in his eye. After more scuffling, Jim has to get off of the lightrail at his stop and Derrick had to hold Perry back.

All of this shit is pure hogwash. We decided to play a little game with him. Two of my co-workers, who we'll call hot white girl #1 and hot white girl #2, are going to flirt with him and make him think that they want to jump his bones. Me and some of my co-workers are going to talk about hot white girl #1 and hot white girl #2 in front of Perry to get him interested and then we are going to see how everything unfolds. I have my money on outrageous fabrications being made, but who knows? He might see through our little facade.

That's it. There's another morsel on this story, but I think I'll save that for if it turns into a full-course meal.

So I Totally Got Tagged

Well, I guess I can do this since I have a personal blog.

Here are the rules!

1. Link to the person that tagged you(tuotierugif, and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 3 confident statements and then 3 questions about sex.
3. Tag 6 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

It's simple. Give 3 statements about sex. Ask 3 questions about sex. Tag 6 people. Leave a comment letting them know you tagged them.

1. Sex is fun.

2. I like to have sex.

3. I don't toss salad nor will I ever be on the receiving end of a salad tossing.

1. Why are grown men still lying about sex? Whether they're talking about penis size or how many dames they laid, it's always something stupid. I outgrew that shit when I was like 13.

2. Why is it 2008 and people still aren't giving head? Dead ass. Unless it's for religious reasons or health reasons, I don't see why you're scared to put your face down there. "Oh, that's nasty" No, motherfucker, you tell that person to clean up and you get a dental dam and everyone is happy.

3. Why is it that when a guy wears a shirt like "I <3 pussy", they're the coolest nigga ever but if a chick wears a shirt that says "I <3 dick" they're a ho?

I would tag people, but I don't feel like it. Besides, half of them wouldn't do it anyway.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Well punch me in the ass and call me Audrey Hepburn

I have 13 followers. That trips me out because this time last year the only people that commented my blog were Malcolm Maximillion and a random person every few weeks.

Now, since this might be my last time this week on the internet since tomorrow is going to be "Prince of Persia and Take Home Exams" day(Chances are, I'm lying). I'd just like to be mushy and thank all of my current followers because knowing people actually like reading the bullshit I post makes me feel like hamsters are playing in my lungs. I'll post some other shit, but I just got in from work and I learned a bunch of funny stuff that I can't say out of fear that someone'll read it. Maybe I'll post it. I don't know.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

What me and my brother talk about on the phone. Pt. 2

(After sending me a text message calling me a rapist)
Terrell: You're a dick.

Eric: Don't call me a rapist, cock monkey.
Me: You better chill out before I Donald Duck* your dumb ass.

Terrell: Man, suck a fat one.
(Talking about one of his homegirls who fell for the jailbait)
Me: I don't know what sign she is, but I know one of her traits are crib robbery.
Terrell: I mean, what the fuck, b?

Me: What the fuck what?

Terrell: What the fuck, b?

Me: . . . Nigga, you not clarifying anything. . .
Terrell: I got a female friend named Khaki.

Me:. . . Khaki? Like, the pants? Her parents named her Khaki?

Terrell: Yeah, like khaki pants. She like my best friend. She ugly.


Terrell: For real.

Me: That wasn't nice.

Terrell: She look like a pair of khakis

Terrell: Yo, when I go see Nita Saturday, it's BONER SMASHING TIME!
Me: Oh, she's gonna be at her aunt's house?

Terrell: Yeah

Me: Then you can put your cock on her face

Terrell: Early!
Terrell: Oh My God, Khaki calling me.

Me: *snicker*

Me: Ain't nobody tell you to talk to an ugly girl named Khaki. Where do you find these girls with weird ass names?

Terrell: What you mean, yo?

Me: It's like you have an odd-named female magnet or some shit

Hiilarious Twitter Quotes

Malcolm Maximillion: I like using pink towels after a shower. Its like being inside a woman to me.

$port: This beat makes me wanna throw a Timberland thru a windshield...
(Back to the matter)
Terrell: You know ******* called me in this morning?

Me: Her buckethead ass? What does she want?

Terrell: I don't know, man. I'm about to do it to her again.


Terrell: What's so funny?

Me: That just came out of nowhere.

Terrell: She just acting like she miss the dilz.
Me: What?

Terrell: What?

Me: What?

Terrell: Suck a fat one.

Me: Oh word? Well stick a quarter in ya ass, nigga, cuz you just played yaself!
Me: What the hell are you singing?

Terrell: Streetlights

Me: I don't even fuck with that song. That shit isGETTHEFUCKOUTMYFACE, GNAT.
Me: Yo, this Indian girl has some nice titties. It makes me wanna beat off.
Terrell: Aaaawww. . .

Me: What, did you just ejaculate or some shit?

Terrell: I just bust a. . . bump.

Me: Ooooookay. . .

Terrell: On my thigh.

Me: Alrig-

Terrell: Near my meat.

Me: TOOOOO much information.
Me: You know what, I'm glad you and Rodney found each other because you're both cocks.
Terrell: He got that body & soul.

Me: What? He got that bottle of soul mix?

Terrell: OBAMA!

Me: *spits out mouthful of water*
(Talking about a chick that used to be on my friend list and had twins)
Me: That might have been why I deleted her.

Terrell: Why?

Me: Remember when I cleansed my friends list and deleted a lot of preggers? I can't mess with no chicks with babies. I don't have any kids. What if I go over their house and their kids just sitting there? I ain't got no kids for them to play with.

Terrell: LOL

Me: Why are you laughing? What am I gonna do? Let them play with my PSP? Fuck that. They better suck each other's thumbs or some shit.
Terrell: Did you ever wonder if pushing a baby out feels like pushing out a big ass fart?

Me: Yo. . . why would you ask some shit like that?
Terrell: I bet the world's biggest fart felt real good.

Me: I'm pretty sure the world's biggest fart blew a man's ass open.
Me: I should give Jasmine a dutch oven tomorrow.
Me: You ever had a swag so off the hook you had to do the Harlem Shake?

Terrell: You a bluffing ass nigga.
Me: What?

Terrell: You don't wanna wrestle on the dining room table.
(Listening to Amazing by Kanye and Young Jeezy)
Me: This beat rocking. I need the instrumental so I can rap over it about sad lizards in the desert.
Terrell: Laquecia just text messaged me.

Me: Don't you kids got school tomorrow?

Terrell: Nigga, shut up.
(Waiting for "Spoiled Little L.A. Girl" on "Robocop")
Terrell: Here it come, Eric. . . Here it come, Eric. . . Here it come. . . Here it come. . .

Lil Wayne: You think yo shit don't stink but you are Mrs. P-U!

Me: That was corny. That was really corny.

Terrell: The "Mrs. P-U" line?

Me: Yeah, that shit made my face hurt.
Me: Yo, tired.

Terrell: Who me?

Me: Yeah. You tired as shit.

Terrell: What, you wanna eat my pepperoni?

*A Donald Duck is when you yank someone's nose and then slap it.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Why I haven't been updating lately

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It is 2:43 a.m. and I have to get up at 7. I should be sleep right goddamn now.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

This movie actually looks good

The Catholics are gonna be so pissed.

Bitch, I can't wait until Tuesday Wednesday!

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I've been waiting like a year for this.

You know how I know you're a fanboy?

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Yeah, I'm late and I saw these on Way More Fresher last week, but I'd buy these. They're supposed to be Playstation 3 based, but I don't look at these and see Playstation 3. The fact that the Playstation 3 name is attached to them, though, is enough to make me want them. Not to mention they aren't completely hideous, unlike:

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Saturday, November 29, 2008

Random playlist time

I'm usually not a fan of those "repost" games on myspace and facebook, but my personal favorite is where you just randomly go through songs in your ipod PSP. So, for your entertainment, I'm going to set my shit on shuffle and play the 20 songs that come up.

Stay With Me - Pharrell Williams

Full & Paid - The Cool Kids

Phantom Pt. II - Justice

What Up Man - The Cool Kids

You Know What - N*E*R*D

Coldest Winter - Kanye West

Brazilian Crying Season - Charles Hamilton

Skrung Owt - Fam-Lay

Announcement - Common featuring Pharrell

Playa You Don't Know - Slim Thug

Paul Revere - The Beastie Boys

The Coolest - Lupe Fiasco

Punch Drunk Love - Common featuring Kanye West and Pharrell

Killjoy - N*E*R*D

Put Cash Up - Charles Hamilton featuring Show Tufli

Day N Nite - Kid Cudi

Waamp Waamp(EC|DC remix)- Clipse featuring Slim Thug

Rhinestone Cowboy - MF Doom

Robot Rock - Daft Punk

Artistic Integrity - Wale

See? That was fun. Now you can contemplate how my taste in music describes who I am and all that bullshit.

Friday, November 28, 2008

That left a bad taste in my life

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You wanna know why my face looks like that?

Watch this:

Thanks a lot tuotierugif. My nightmares shall thank you.

Also, let's be honest, would we be making as big of a deal about this if this was a black girl? I mean, how many fat white girls do you know with high enough self-esteem to put some unholy shit like this on the internet?

"Fat chicks need love, too, but they have to pay" - Quagmire

"And I spent 400 bucks on this, just to be like 'Nigga, you ain't up on this!'"

I just sat there and read the lyrics to "All Falls Down" because my girlfriend said that line reminded her of me, which is kinda true. Then, I sat and read through the whole thing and the third verse kinda hit me.

We'll buy a lot of clothes but we don't really need em
The things we buy to cover up what's inside
Cause they made us hate ourself and love they wealth
That's why shorties holler, "Where the ballers at?"
Drug dealers buy Jordans, crackheads buy crack
But the white man get paid off of all a dat
But I ain't even gon act holier than thou
Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with 25 thou
Before I had a house and I'd do it again
Cause I wanna be on 106 and Park pushing a Benz
I wanna act ballerific like it's all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious I'm just the first to admit it

That pretty much summed up my attitude towards materialism. Sure, it's bad, but I still do it regardless of what people think. This week alone I purchased a The Hundreds t-shirt, a Mishka t-shirt, a Play Cloths t-shirt with a beanie and a belt. That's about $170 in clothes. I usually can justify it and if I can't, I just say "Well, I'm not buying anymore clothes, I promise". I might be lying.

I had a dream I could buy my way to heaven
When I awoke I spent that on a necklace
I told God I'd be back in a second
Man its so hard not to act reckless

Even though I don't wear necklaces, it's nice to know Kanye sees where I'm coming from. Unfortunately, he's wealthy enough to buy my entire block and I work a regular job. Go figure.

Edit: I'd like to add, though, I do pay my bills on time before anything. I'm not that gaudy.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Pictures from my Thanksgiving

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I didn't take that many. Too busy eating.

Little Hamsters, Big Adventures

I love Hamtaro. No, I'm serious. Fuck you. I happened to had found these when randomly searching for Hamtaro shirts and realized that I need them.

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These wouldn't hurt either.

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No, I'm serious. Fuck you.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

This was to my ears what the monkey face-fucking the frog was to my eyes


You don't have to be a gamer to know what was being implied by that audio. Some sick bastard took audio clips from the video game Left 4 Dead and managed to make it sound like poor Louis is being. . . yeah. . . by Bill.

Giving Thanks

-First and foremost, I'd like to thank the Native Americans that were massacred and raped to give us this glorious holiday of gluttony. The least you could do before you eat that stuffing is remember the group of natives that took a bullet to the face so that you could stuff yours.

- I'd like to thank God for creating me. I'm so hot.

- I'd like to thank my mother for giving birth to me and helping create the Narcissus complex that I'm currently coping with.

- I'd like to thank Malcolm Maximillion for giving me Music Generator 2 when I was like 14 because that's the only thing I can make beats on, and my beats are awesome.

- I'd like to thank my girlfriend, Jasmine, for being a good girlfriend. If you weren't, then I'd probably not be talking to you.

- I'd like to thank Sony for creating the Playstation brand. It is the ultimate gaming system and anyone who says otherwise is a fucking hater liar.

- I'd like to thank Chamillionaire for putting himself out of the spotlight by continuing to rap in that same stupid monotone and making his corny ass lines.

- I'd like to thank Charles Hamilton for putting out a bunch of mixtapes in two months. That's retarded. He's created a mostly new catalog in the period of time it took him to get popular.

- I'd like to thank Dead Space for making me uncomfortable. It wasn't even that scary until I had to run from the monster that won't die.

- I'd like to thank Chipotle Mexican Grill. Thanks to your burritos I see how crack addicts feel.

- I'd like to thank all of the women with large breasts and big butts for giving me something to look at when I'm traveling.

- I'd like to thank The Hundreds for being possibly one of the best streetwear brands out.

- I'd like to thank the Ravens for not killing our playoff hopes already.

- I'd like to thank Janelle Monae for giving me something to sing and dance to on the lightrail and look like a complete fool.

- I'd like to thank Lil Wayne for providing increasing evidence to help prove that he may just love cock. If him kissing a man and getting a piercing under his lip doesn't say shit, then what else does he have to do? Suck a dick on camera?

- I'd like to thank Levi's for being made. I only wear 559's, thank you very much.

- I'd like to thank the Way More Fresher guys for inspiring me(kinda) to make a blog. I honestly only made a blogger account so I could comment on your blog.

- I'd like to thank the 6 followers I have, whom I'm now going to list:


Gorgeous Lynette (No more blog? :()

Malcolm Maximillion




- I'd like to thank you, whoever's reading this, because if no one read my blog, then it would be kinda pathetic.

I can't wait to get all fat tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Backpack rapper's delight

I remember that was the name of a chapter in Kanye West's Diary on MTV. Either way, I want this backpack.

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I'm a fan of backpacks with designs on them, as you would see from my current backpack. . .

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. . . I don't feel like taking a real picture.

Monday, November 24, 2008

You want to hear something funny about myself?

I'm an asshole. Dead ass serious. A total, unforgiving, uncaring asshole. I tend to be that way, especially when I get in defense mode(basically when I'm offended). So, I noticed a pattern of sorts that I go through with my girlfriend. She'll say something, I'll get pissed, I'll blow it out of proportion and get her upset, we'll get off of the phone with each other and then I'll call back to tell her how I realized how I fucked up and I'm sorry. I'm actually about to do the last part right now.

Back to me being an asshole. I could blame it on years of being picked on/fucked with in middle school. That would be a good excuse in a psychiatrist's office. Maybe it might be my own personal demons, but I'm too funny to seem like I have personal demons(That was conceited). I guess at some point it hit me that it's not a kind world and being all soft wouldn't get me far. That mixed with my wit kinda causes me to come off as a douchebag. Well, I am, kinda, actually, if you don't have tough skin.

Either way, I like being me. I am a self-proclaimed asshole, but that doesn't mean I want to change and try to be nicer. If I told someone I would, I'd be lying. I'd be lying right in their face with a smile.

If there's one thing I learned from my dad, it's to be a man of your word and not apologize for something you meant. I've been following that since forever. One time in my Spanish class, a friend of mine was picking with me while I was doing the drill saying "You're doing it wrong. That's not the right answer." I turned around and said "Honestly, I don't give a fuck what you think." Apparently, I said it kinda loud and my teacher heard it. She was super pissed and told me to apologize and I said "No, I meant it." The whole class thought it was hilarious but I was being dead ass serious.

I also realized that people respect you less when you kiss their ass and try to be overly nice. I mean, I would walk all over someone if they were extra sweet to me and weren't related to me.

Shit, I'm rambling. I need to post something funny.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The shit me and my little brother talk about on the phone

These are excerpts from an actual phone conversation between me and my brother.

Me: I ain't even gonna lie, Keri Hilson sexy as shit

Terrell: Yeah

Me: I'd skeet on her elbows
(Talking about Lil Wayne)
Me: . . . and he got a Marilyn Monroe

Terrell: He got one on his eyebrow, too

(Talking about him talking to a 20 year old((He's 17)))
Me: She gon go to jail

Terrell: Nobody said anything about you and Jasmine

Me: Nigga, she less than a year older than me!
(Lil Wayne again)
Terrell: He outta control, man

Me: Yeah, his fans keep saying "Yeah, keep drinking Syrup and-

Terrell: Nah, I'm talking about me
(Talking about how much fun our little brother Kyree is)
Me: No, he's not

Terrell: Yeah, he is

Me: He's about as fun as getting a needle in the scrotum
Me: gamaluhhemmmm

Terell: What?

Me: gamallauhgemmmmm

Terrell: Yo, I got you. You lucky I can't. . . I got you
Terrell: Ma, give me a hug

Me: Aw, yo a mama's boy

Terrell: Ya mama a mama's boy!
Terrell: C'mon, ma. C'mon, ma. C'mon, ma.

Me: Yo sound like he hollering at a chick.
Me:. . . Man, let me click over real quick

Terrell: Yeah, click over, bitch!

Me: Nig-. . . Grrrrrrr.
Me: Play Cloths drops tonight!

Terrell: What's that?

Me: The Clipse clothing line.

Terrell: Hold on, dyke.

Me: Oh, word?
(Talking about trying to get him an Xbox 360 for Christmas)
Me: I gotta see if Daddy gonna put up some money for it

Terrell: You're the biggest big brother with the biggest big back in the world!
Terrell: Yo, you need to get me a lime green skully

Me: Why? So you can look like a highlighter?
(Talking about a chick that had the least ass I've ever seen)
Me: Yo, I think she should just let a bunch of black guys stand in a line and she walks down it and let them spit on her.
(Talking to Theardra, Terrell's ex-girlfriend on three-way)
Me: Word, Theardra, you pregnant?

Theardra: Yeah, a while ago me and Terrell spent a night together, I woke up and I threw up-

(I asked Theardra how her mom was doing and Terrell assumed I had ulterior motives)
Terrell: You don't know Eric

Me: What do you mean? I'm a completely trustworthy male

Terrell: No, you're not! Suck a fat one!

Me: That was rude
Terrell: Yo, this Gucci Mane song be rocking

Me: Yo, get out of my face with that Gucci Mane shit.
Me: Yo, her friend ******* sexy as shit

Terrell: Aight, yo-

Me: I just wanna, like, crawl in her bed.
Terrell: You gonna be mad when you hear this.

Me: What is you talking about?

(Music playing)

Me: I don't even know what that is

(Finally hears song)

Me: No this nigga not over here listening to the MOTHERFUCKINGTINGTINGS.
(Singing along with Anyway, that Kanye West song)
Terrell: Eric, why are you so paranoid?


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That's him. Heeeee's a dork.

I want to put "Hot for Teacher", but it would be so corny

From WJZ

Texas Woman Arrested For Giving Boy Topless Photos

SAN ANTONIO (AP) ― A former Sunday school teacher was arrested on charges of distributing harmful material to a minor after the parents of a 14-year-old boy found a topless photo of her on his cell phone.

Victoria Ann Chacon, 27, also a former middle school teacher, allegedly met the boy at their church, where she was teaching Sunday school.
The boy's parents called police March 27 after finding racy letters in which Chacon professed her love. The boy initially refused to give a statement about the relationship, the arrest warrant says.

Several months later, the parents found a cell phone with a topless photo of Chacon. The phone was owned by Chacon and the two had been calling one another, according to court documents.

The woman was arrested Tuesday. Jail records had no attorney listed for her.

Chacon resigned from Somerset Junior High School on March 14. The boy did not attend that school. Officials of the Somerset Independent School District said they found no evidence that she had any inappropriate relationships with students.

I like the fact that homeboy didn't start crying to the feds. I wonder if he was beating. It trips me out that this was at a Sunday School, too.

I remember when they had a outbreak of this shit in Maryland and I was hoping I had a freaky teacher at my school. No luck what-so-ever.

Random Thoughts on Current Urban Music

- "The coke that I push is pure as a child's heart"
- Malice, "Intro(Play Cloths)"

Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Where does he come up with this shit? You don't know whether to say "Damn, that was hot" or "Why the fuck are you comparing cocaine to children's innocence?"

- This might sound ignorant, but the Knux give me a "I like boys" vibe.
I mean, how many heterosexuals make songs about frappucinos?

- I think Tanya Morgan sucks because I thought it was gonna be a hot woman and it was three dudes

- I honestly think Chuck Inglish is one of the best new producers this year.

- "Shontelligence"? That doesn't even deserve to come out of anyone's mouth, even worse be the name of an album

- I was on the fence about buying 808's & Heartbreak until I heard "Streetlights" and the song with Lil Wayne

I don't want that cd near my house.

- Bet money that Common is going to push Universal Mind Control a.k.a Invincible Summer back again. I'm going to be angry if they don't leak "Punch Drunk Love" before then.

- I lost respect for Just Blaze for sampling the Numa Numa song.

- I like Sa-Ra's music and beats and shit, but I don't think Taz Arnold has done enough to have the right to be as weird as he is. Remember when Andre 3000 was a total fucknut? He's nice as shit, though.

- I actually like Crazy World by Young Jeezy. Yes, I said it.

- Where's Yung Berg?

- Where's Saigon?

- I honestly hope no one is surprised that Dedication 3 sucked dick. However, it's nice that Lil Wayne isn't so complacent that he stepped his game up.

"Being fake is pussy, so nigga I'm a virgin"

Hey, that's ya'll boy.

This should win best billboard of ever

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Midnight couldn't come sooner

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I found out from the Play Cloths blog that I don't have to be in Virginia to cop some Play Cloths immediately and the online store opens tonight at 12 a.m. Now I have to spend over 10 hours finding something to do before I blow copious amounts of money on clothes I probably don't even need. Two shirts and a skully? Maybe one shirt, a skully and a belt. . . Shit, I don't know. Maybe two shirts, a skully and a belt. Nah, I like two shirts and a skully.

If you want to see a preview of some of the new cloths(teehee), then you can hit up Leaders because those lucky bastards already have Play Cloths in stock and on sale.

Let's thank $port & Co for the Leaders information. Blaze posted the Leaders joint and $port is the one that said it was affordable on Twitter.

I'm pretty sure some of you may have also noticed that I haven't been following Real Chance at Love anymore. Well, I don't care anymore. I've also been spending more time with my face in a computer monitor and in books than I have in front of a T.V.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Mmm, heartburn

Well, I'm sitting up and it's 2:54 a.m. and my chest has been burning all day. I figured I'd take this time to talk about me and acid reflux disease.

Now, acid reflux feels like. . . hmm. . . let's say someone constantly pouring boiling hot water on the center of your esophagus right about where it turns into your stomach. That shit isn't very pleasant.

I actually had to pause just then to absorb the pain of esophageal heat rape. So, yeah, I took medicine for it, but I haven't renewed my prescription in Flying Spaghetti Monster knows how long. I should probably work on that.

The thing is, this doesn't happen everyday. Hell, I might start getting severe heartburn every month or so, so it rarely crosses my mind until it starts happening. My doctor says if this continues to happen repeatedly, it'll burn a hole in my chest and I'll bleed profusely(D=), so it would behoove me to let my shit heal.

How would I do that without medicine, you ask? Well, one choice is to drink milk. Milk has something in it that coats my esophageal lining, so it helps somewhat. I also have to avoid drinking orange juice and anything else with citric acid in it and avoid eating spicy foods, which is mega gay.

Either way, it takes a few weeks for that shit to adequately heal, so that would be a long time to go without spicy foods. My girlfriend and my best friend(thats Malcolm) freak out and shit when I do stupid shit like drink hot sauce or get extra hots on my subs, but those rarely cause it to act up. While those do contribute a small amount, it may have something to do with some biologic or structural factors that my doctor hasn't found out yet.

I need to set up an appointment for a doctor to look down my throat(No "Pop Champagne" video).

This commercial isn't funny

Fortunately, I don't have a porn magazine stash, but I do have a folder of pictures on my computer that I don't need my mother finding out about.

Oh, look, new shit

Well, I upgraded my layout so I could put a twitter and an imeem on my blog. My imeem has some beats I made, so I'm not going to shove them in your face, you can just listen if you want. I also put a twitter so you can see what crazy shit is going on in my everyday.

I'll try to post more, but its crunch time. I'm kinda, sorta in danger of not passing one of my classes, so I'm going into super saiyan grind mode at the moment. Maybe I'll try to be more personal or some shit, because let's face it, either some of the shit I see on the internet isn't post-worthy or I'm just to lazy to go and get the link.

I need to learn how to make blogger layouts.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

So I'm Gonna Put a Ring On It

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I'm not showing you where I found it either because I'm buying it and I'm wearing it and I don't want Charles Hamilton stumbling on this shit either. I'm also buying this:

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Because this shits all over those Dee and Ricky fags.

Tag, I'm It

The Rules Go As Follows:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag six however many people you want at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each random person know they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

1. Link to the person who tagged you.


2. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.

A. Well, I kinda have an OCD type thing where I blow down my shirt a lot. Don't ask why, I've been doing it since I was, like, 10.

B. The first video game I ever played was Sonic the Hedgehog. I got it for Christmas when I was 3 and my mom couldn't get me off of it for shit unless I got frustrated.

C. I hate people that ruin other people's fun by trying to be open-minded. Like, you know those motherfuckers that be in a group and always have to say some shit to ruin the fun? Like, I could be sliding a broad like, "Whole time, how she gonna come out the house with that colorful ass shirt on? She look like a Care Bear orgy on her chest." Then here come this asshole "Well, she can wear what she wants. You should praise her for being big enough to do it. How you know somebody isn't sliding you for wearing that Spider-Man shirt?" OH MY GAWD, SHUT THE FUCK UP

D. No one around me can talk when the "Single Ladies(Put a Ring On It)" video comes on. No, for real. If we're watching videos and it comes on, everyone has to shut up or I'm going to go in another room or give you the evil eye the entire time. I haven't gotten an erection looking at a music video since they got rid of BET Uncut.

E. Lupe Fiasco is my favorite rapper. I, personally, think Andre 3000 is the best rapper living, but Lupe Fiasco is more entertaining to listen to. Not, like, Andre 3000 is boring, but I just enjoy Lupe's wordplay more.

F. I hate people with bad hygiene. I really don't like it when people are smelly and seem to want to be in my presence while they're in their current reeking state. I'm often very vocal when people stink around me, too.

3. Tag some random motherfuckers


Dear Lil Wayne Stans,

Please watch this shit

Did you hear that? He's not a real blood! So you got jumped into a gang for nothing, You poor soul.

Snatchboxed from Nikavelli.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

So, I Went to the Baltimore Museum of Art

I actually only took pictures of the contemporary art because everything else was boring.

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Unfortunately, my pictures are big as shit and I don't feel like making them smaller.

They had a temporary Franz West exhibit while we were there that involved interactive art. I had so much fun. There was a magnetic wall that hundreds of words and letters that could be tampered with, much to my joy.

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Me and my girlfriend were also harassed by an old, Asian lady at a McDonald's. She asked us if we were going to call "Many police on her" and if she could sit with us.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Kanye Twofer

Go Hard featuring T-Pain

In all honesty, I like the song. It's not some shit I'd listen to on my mp3 player, but it's okay. What's up with Nuvo? Is that the new Hypnotiq or some shit? I'd also like to add that Kanye is really letting his hair out there. Where the hell is Ibn Jasper?


I like this video, but I'm not really surprised that I do. Hype Williams always does some new shit when everyone's about to start saying he's getting old. Remember when he was doing the joint where he had the video in the middle of the screen and had some other shit going on at the top and bottom? Niggas started biting that and then he jumped on the green screen. Either way, this video is eye-pleasing and it helps that this is the first song I heard off of 808s & Heartbreaks that I liked.

P.S. Is it just me, or does Kanye look like a fiend in Heartless? I mean, the movements, the trench coat, the whole thing. Especially when he's singing while holding the cigarette/smokable cylindrical object.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Come on, son

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Sometimes, just sometimes, I want to kick Taz Arnold in the chin.

I'd Like to Have This Shirt on my Chest

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Because nothing says "I'm a fun guy" like multi-colored dogs having sex on your shirt.

Digital Gravel

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

M.I.A. featuring Blaqstarr - S.U.S. (Save Ur Soul)

I will admit that I'm only posting this because of Baltimore bias. Blaqstarr is pretty popular in Baltimore being that he makes club mixes that people actually listen to, and he's just as popular as K-Swift(R.I.P.) and Rod Lee. It's monumental to see him make a song with an artist with such a large cult following.

With all of the positive shit said, this song sucks hella balls. First off, Blaqstarr is basically singing the theme song to the Wire. Second off, They both sound terrible. Blaqstarr sounds like Tone Loc if he inhaled helium and M.I.A is so off key it makes my nuts ache. Third off, I guess the video is innovative in a low-budget way. All they did was record three separate one shots of them singing, pulled them up at the same time, and then recorded them on the monitor.

The one positive to me is the beat. I mean, most people from Baltimore would hear it and be ready to rock off and shit. I wouldn't be surprised if I heard this on 92Q anytime soon.

P.S. I just want to know why Terry Kennedy keeps rapping. He raps as well as he skateboards: Very mediocre and way overestimated by his fans.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

And They Said It Couldn't Be Done

Everyone Chill the Fuck Out Pictures, Images and Photos

Excuse me, I'm tripping right now. Amidst all the ignorance and the skepticism, he did it. Although he is literally bi-racial, he will still be looked at as our first black president. If you told a white person sixty years ago that this would happen, they'd probably lynch you for blasphemy. Congratulations, Obama. Not to seem facetious, but now we have to keep him alive until inauguration.

Election Day Jitters

Well, this Election Day got me nervous as shit, so I decided I'd blog about my day and random thoughts I had.

- So, my girlfriend fount out one of her white friends suffer from acute ignorance. Her reason for not voting for Obama: "His middle name is Hussein and he has a little too much Islamic support for my tastes". I, myself, am not surprised, but I feel sorry for my girlfriend who is an extreme European-American sympathizer.

- Yo, I was in line for four hours, went to hang out with Malcolm and this motherfucker was in line for 15 minutes. What a scam. That's my fault. I voted early with the old people.

- You know shit is serious when the hoodmonkeys are voting. I'm talking 5 different color bracelets on, green streaks in their hair, neon orange leggings. You'd think they were supporting the bamma party.

- I'm waiting for someone to call me a nigger. I can't wait. I have lots of pent-up frustration.

- Currently: Obama - 200 McCain - 124. I knew he was gonna get Texas. All of the redneck states are a given. I don't know, Obama's looking to nail Florida right now. Shout out to Fiyah.

- I don't like this suspense shit, not at all.

- I wish I lived near a Krispy Kreme. I wanted some free donuts.

- It's weird looking at the Texas results map because everything is so symmetrical. I've been looking at the Maryland map to long.

- Currently: Obama - 207 McCain - 135. Where the fuck did this come from?

- When you're not already a fan of Charles Hamilton, I could see how you would think he's a weirdo.

- 11:08 p.m.

Dear racists,




Sunday, November 2, 2008

Real Chance at Love and shit - pt. 2

- Late again, whatever. Sorry Super Woman, but this show is a guilty pleasure(no homo pause I'm not gay)

- Does this nigga have on gun holsters?

- Why does Real try so hard to look like a black 80's hair band member? Nigga looking like he with Twisted Sister or Guns & Roses or some shit.

- That' cruddy that he threw her tickets on the ground.

- "Don't hit me in the head, Chance. (Unless it's your dick)"

- Ew. I'm sorry, but I just think women rubbing men's feet is gross. That shit's not cool.

- So Hood is so slutty it doesn't make sense.

- LMAO "Do I look like a woman?" says Real. Nigga, are you serious?

- Yo, Cali looks like Nicholas Cage!

- I'll never understand how all these motherfuckers go on this damn show and just kiss the same person. Germs, man, germs!

- Okay, the "Lick Cream Off Me" thing is kinda hot. Well, less hot because it's on this show.

- So they're gonna lick the same broad? Bitch, have some morals!

- Oh, they didn't. Whew.

- I just love watching confused bimbos try to explain themselves.

- Milf could get it. She kinda resembles Sarah Jessica Parker, which isn't good, but I'd still bust on her chest.

- What's with this nigga holding guitars? I want to see him actually play that damn guitar.

- "You wasn't about to make no tapes, were you?" ". . . not right now."

- "Chance is, like, trying to fuck everybody!" I don't know, but if I had a show with a bunch of chicks that wanted my pipe on their lips, I would be trying, too.


- lol@ these dorks on "The Pick-Up Artist"

- Why, oh why, do these niggas keep playing with guitars?

- lol@ Real and his girls bitching Chance when he wanted some breakfast.

- . . . Recording artists? Roooooiiiiiight.

- So, they have a third sexually ambiguous brother? That's great. The more, the fruitier.

- Ooooh, this is gonna be terrible.

- See, this is embarassing to watch. Yo, listening to these women freestyle is like having my heart mildly shocked by a taser.

- See how Milf acts? This is why I don't feel bad for talking about busting on her chest.

- Lusty is an ignorant dick. She shouldn't go after a black guy because she never dated one? Real smooth, twunt.

- Man, I never had that volcano taco yet.

- Since when did you need experience to date outside of your race? This is the type of shit we don't need while Obama is running.

- Okay, now she realizes Real's more her type. Awesome.

- Boy, this Promo bitch is retarded.

- Chance is a cruddy dude. So, let's recap: He picks the girl that his brother wants and wants his brother, and then sees her talking to his brother, and then he gets mad and wants one of his brother's women and they don't want him so he gets frustrated. Okay.

- "She did the Eagle on me" Word? I still don't know what that means. She grinded on him? She let him beat? What?

- Holy shit. I swear to God I just saw something walk past me out the corner of my eye. We got ghosts and shit. I don't like this.

- First chain goes to. . . Promo? Fuck outta here.

- Lol @ her dumbass being confused. I've seen dumb blondes have a dilemma, and that shit is hilarious.

- Chance is just getting reamed today. Boy.

- Watch these bitches go to commercial at the good part.

- Yo, why is this nigga wearing gun holsters?

- Chance pulled a bitch move. That was bitchy. I wouldn't expect anything less from a nigga that wears eye-liner.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

So, I played Mirror's Edge

mirrors edge Pictures, Images and Photos

For the first time in 8 billion years I got on my PS3 because even though the Blu-Ray reader had it's anus reamed, it still works. Honestly, I mainly got on because I wanted to play the Mirror's Edge demo. I had to download it overnight since I have to take the modem off of the computer and hook it up in my room (I need some wirless internet out this bitch). Long story short, it's pretty much what I expected. In a good way.

The demo starts you off with training, which is very much needed. The game relies a lot on momentum and timing, because if you fuck a jump, you're welcome to listen to your bones crunch as Faith, the protagonist, slams in to the ground. After completing the training where you learn such important maneuvers as how to crouch in mid-air to make yourself smaller and get through tough spots(awesome!) and how to slide and kick a motherfucker in his balls(double awesome), you get to do a level. The level, in my opinion, was fun as shit.

I'm a fan of Prince of Persia. I own every game that came out for the Playstation 2 and I'm planning THE FUCK out of buying the new one. You could say that Mirror's Edge is like a first-person Prince of Persia not only because of the acrobatic maneuvers, but you also have to scope out the area to find out where you have to go. At one point, you end up in a room with a bunch of gestapo and you have to escape. The first-person perspective helps you feel the sense of urgency that you tend to feel when you're having slugs fired at you while you have to find a good way to get to that air vent.

I was planning on buying Mirror's Edge anyway, but this just helps me cement my decision.

Call Me Confused

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I'll never understand women. A matter of fact, women are not meant to be understood by men. Hell, women can't even understand other women. Me and my girlfriend had a mini-argument (One of many that we have all the time) about how one time when we met she caught the wrong bus and had to catch a cab to my house. At the time, she lived in Delaware, so she hadn't been in Baltimore in a while. I tried to explain to her that the 15 bus was temporarily detouring and she would have to catch the 68 to my house. Of course, she was all "No, the 15 goes up there. Trust me." We had to go on about this for, I don't know, 5 minutes? I eventually gave up, since evasive maneuvers are usually the best bet when engaged in a heated argument with a woman who's bones you would like to jump.

So, anyway, she decides to catch the 15 like a butt and ends up going the wrong way and calls me freaking out about how she can't get across the bridge and she ends up calling a cab. Fast forward about 2 years and now she claims I "should've pushed more". . .

That's bullshit.

She wasn't trying to hear my advice then, so why now I should've been more assertive is beyond me.

Oh, and here's my favorite. I was supposed to get her an Ipod for her birthday, but she got one from her friend and didn't need one any more. She then ends up needing an Ipod again and apparently I owe her a mp3 player for her birthday. We got into an argument about it and she ended up saying "Nevermind, I don't need it." I was like, cool, whatever, ya know? Now, she brought it up and says "You should know when I said that I meant I still want you to buy it."

. . .

That's bullshit.

I just love how women say men don't understand and call us stupid and then do weird illogical shit.

I know a lot of females read my blog. Am I wrong for being confused/frustrated?

P.S. If you don't hear from me anymore, my girlfriend is the fourth one on my top on myspace. You better snitch on her ass. She reads my blog!

Friday, October 31, 2008

T-Pain - Karaoke

Oh, shit, T-Pain went in. I found the intro with him and Kanye hilarious, especially at the end. "I didn't recognize you without the auto-tune" "Oh, Kanye, I didn't recognize you. . . without the auto-tune". It's also purrretty homo to talk to men while they're pissing in a public bathroom. At least wait until you're done urinating.

But yeah, T-Pain is right. The game is currently being over saturated by this auto-tune shit and no, Kanye and Lil Wayne don't get a pass. Especially Lil Wayne. Kanye might get a pass just for 808's & Heartbreak, but Lil Wayne sounds like he's swallowing bees and vibrators when he uses that shit.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


So. . . he's just going to sit there and use my favorite beat off of Beg for Mercy to diss one of my favorite rappers?

Dear J Hood,

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Myspace. . . *sigh*

I usually post these blogs on my myspace, but figuring as how I have an "Eric Richardson Offical Blog", I figured I'd post it here, too. It's just me ranting about retarded shit I put up with on myspace. Meh.

1. Yo, I'm sick of motherfuckers putting some obscure ass name and then putting (insider) or (inside joke). No one gives a fuck about any of your inside jokes except you and your friends. Your inside jokes aren't important to us, you fucking dick. If you have something weird for your display name, let people ask you first and then say "Oh, it's an inside joke that me and my friends have". Hell, most of my girlfriend's name are inside jokes, but she doesn't rub it in your face.

2. I hate when people take pictures and then say "So and so ownz". Someone else can't own a fucking picture that's on your myspace. If someone "ownz" it, then it should be on their own personal computer somewhere. One day when I see some little slut monkey talking about "Ki Ki ownz", I'm gonna put the picture on myspace and send her a message like "I OWNZ NAO, BETCH". That'll teach her.

3. Could you refrain from talking about how much niggas ain't shit? Like, for real. You're in love one day and angry the next. Shut up.

4. OMFG, I hate people that have bulletin conversations. I deleted two people like a year ago because they wouldn't stop having bulletin conversations with their other friends. Doing that shit is like yelling in to your stupid ass bluetooth(Which I also hate, by the way) in the middle of a crowded area.

5. Yo, you bitches better stop adding me and not saying shit. I fucking hate you. I hope you end up in a car accident.

6. Yo, gangbanging went out of style this summer, so please stop typing shit like this (ckool), (5top playing), (6itch).

7. Stop being ugly and having pictures

8. Proper Etiquette: If I send you a picture comment and you're a girl, I expect you to say something.

9. I wish people stop taking pictures with money. Seriously, it makes my head hurt. I just saw some chick that made her nephew take pictures in a crib with, like, 30 ones. Where does someone get that many ones? Stripping, that's where.

10. I was hoping that now that they have playlists people wouldn't change their song every two hours. I was wrong.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Nerding It Up On the M-U-S-I-C Tip

I'm just going to post some of my favorite songs from original video game soundtracks. Hell, you might find something you might like.

Final Fantasy X - Travel Company

Mega Man X6 - Commander Yammark's stage

Mega Man X6 - Blizzard Wolfgang's stage

Ridge Racer Type 4 - Silhouette Dance(DEE BEST)

Ape Escape - Dark Ruins
(Embedding is disabled for it, but it's totally worth it.)

Friday, October 24, 2008

Oh, Seriously, What the Fuck, Man

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Excuse me, I'm infuriated right now. My girlfriend told me earlier about this whole hoax about a girl who had a B carved in her face by a big black man and it turns out she was lying. Well, I didn't even know what the fuck she was talking about since I was out of the house since 11:30. I get in the house and go straight to Fiyah Muzik because I know he would have that shit on there and it was right there on the front page.

Apparently, some little chick from Texas went to the police this morning saying a black guy over 6 feet tall robbed her and then saw she supported McCain and whooped her ass. During said ass whooping, he then proceeded to take something sharp and carve a B into her face. I know, weird right? It gets worse.

Once the whole thing hits the media(It just happened this morning), McCain's camp claims that the B stood for Barack. Funny thing is the B is backwards. The police were already skeptical about this little cunt, and guess what? She was lying! Holy shit!

I'm not really surprised by this shit. At this point, I surmised that the only people that could really still support McCain at this point are:

A) Racists
B) Hardcore Republicans
C) Dipshits
D) Racist Hardcore Republican Dipshits

Apparently, she was D. To stoop so low as to attempt to sling some shit on Obama's name is quite disgusting. I do, however, applaud her "ditch effort" to try to help McCain look good with less than two weeks until Election Day. To bad she didn't do a better job of looking like a battered victim by, for one, drawing a correct "B" on her face.

I can't even be but so angry about this shit. This just makes McCain and his camp look worse than they already do. Bad enough Palin was talking about freezing funds to research cures for Autism(which my 10 year old brother has, by the way), but then this comes along.

There's no possible way that McCain could win this fair and square. None. At All. If he wins, America loses. . . credibility.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

More from the Otaku Convention

I just felt like posting some more good pictures from Otakon.

Dante & Lady

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I have no idea, he was just creeping me out

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L, Ryuk & Light Yagami from Deathnote

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Haruhi Shuzimuya in bunny costume (She is, like, so fucking hot)

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Metal Gear Solid (Uh-oh, he made a noise)

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Yo, these wacky caucasians were dancing their asses off. Well, I think it was dancing.

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I don't remember if I posted this one, but if I did, it's worth posting again.

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He Want That Old Thing Back

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Well, I don't understand why the hell the Bones and Cones hoodie hasn't sold out yet, but this shit is Billionaire Boys Club and Ice Cream in it's heyday. I'm glad they put the classic imagery out when I got some money, because I so need that Navy BBC sweatshirt in my life.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

What do I think of the Freshmen 10?

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Cory Gunz - I like this guy. I heard his freestyle on Green Lantern's radio show and I've been a fan. He's nice enough where you wouldn't even pay attention to the fact that Peter Gunz is his dad.

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Blu - I've heard some of the songs from the critically acclaimed Blu & Exile album and he's definitely someone to look out for.

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Mickey Factz - The only thing I've heard from this guy is his little song with the Cool Kids, and sad to say I'm not impressed. Maybe I'll hear some more shit and think he's better.

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Wale - Being that Wale's represents the whole DMV and not just D.C., I've known about dude for a while. I actually heard his song "Rap of the Century" on 93.9 and was like "Whoa, this dude is nice", but I didn't learn it was wale until, like, a year later. If you haven't downloaded "Mixtape About Nothing", you need to hop to it.

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B.O.B. - As I said, I heard about B.O.B a looooooooong time ago. I heard "Cloud Nine" and could hear the promise in this dude. Not to mention he can also play some real instruments, which isn't a bad talent to have in this industry.

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Asher Roth - I think all of this talk of him being a fake Eminem is bullshit. He's a talented rapper and I was impressed with his performance on "Sun God" (The Greenhouse Effect Vol. 1, go download). Not to mention that he professes his love for college regularly.

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Charles Hamilton - See "These are a Few of My Favorite Things.

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Ace Hood - Meh. Very meh. I do like his song with Trey Songz, but that's only because of the hook.

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Curren$y - This dude is painfully overrated. I constantly hear "Oh, Curren$y, the hot spitta", but I haven't heard anything worth putting on my PSP. Not to mention that he's associated with Terry Kennedy and Fly Society, so this nigga gets the thumbs down.

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Kid Cudi - I downloaded his mixtape and, honestly, I didn't like it. I don't look at Kid Cudi as a rapper, but more like an alternative music type of singer guy. I think he's more Kenna then Lupe Fiasco. However, Day and Nite is stuck in my fucking head.

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