Thursday, April 9, 2009

What Me and My Brother Talk About On the Phone(Guest starring Jasmine again)

Terrell: You tell Jade(Jasmine's sister) I have a crush on her
Jasmine: No
Me: He's legal now
Jasmine: (Telling Jade he's legal). . . Oh, stop that! Don't get that look on your face. He is not a sweetheart, he is a hooker!

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Terrell: Jasmine sensitive.
Me: Jasmine's more sensitive than infant clit.

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Jade:(To Jasmine)Do you have a heart underneath all that booby?

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Terrell: Me and Jordan(Jasmine's brother) had a conversation about being uncles.
Jade: We're family now.
Me:(singing) We are a family, like a giant tree! Branching into the skyyyyyyyy!
Jasmine: You both are gay.
Me: Yep, that's Jasmine now.

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Me: Do you like fishsticks?
Terrell: Do you?
Me: Nigga, do you like fishsticks!?
Terrell: No.
Me: Ah, fuck. . . you sure?
Terrell: Hold on, dickhead.
Me: Dammit.

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Terrell: Yo gay! He said he confused.
Me: I don't like your tone of jokes. I'm gonna cauterize your butthole shut and feed you laxatives.

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Me: What did you just eat?
Jasmine: Pizza and apple juice.
Me: It sound like you just ate a human being.

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Terrell: Whooooo! My bad. I always get hype playing basketball and footbal.
Me: Nothing gets him horny like watching sweaty black men rubbing against each other.

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Jasmine: If I wanted to pay 78 dollars for a crib, how much would you put up?
Me: 78.
Jasmine: Why?
Me: Because it costs less than I expected so I can still get some Yeezy's.

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Me: Keebduhpigjuhugot
Terrell: What?
Me: Keebduhpigjuhugot
Terrell: What?
Me: GOT A MOUTHFUL OF EGGS LIKE BACON AND CHEESE!

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Terrell: Why don't you like Hawaiian Punch?
Me: Because she's anti-black.
Jasmine: How is that black?
Me: Because it gives us diabetes.

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Jasmine: I wish I had an afro like Beyonce's. A nice 70s afro.
Me: Oh! I thought you said you wish you had an "asshole" like Beyonce's.
Jasmine: Yeah. . . I don't know what her asshole looks like.
Me: I would love to find out.

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Me: Damn, whatever happened to Theardra? I haven't heard from her in, like, months.
Jasmine: We talked to her last week.
Me: Look, I got really high twice in the past week.

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Me: (Talking about a girl that called Jasmine a clown) That was very bold. Jasmine usually attacks people for saying shit like that.
Jasmine: What?
Me: Nothing. You a cutie pie.

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Me: Why does Timothy(Nikavelli) look just like Timbaland? It's like Timbaland was making a beat and then he suddenly started grunting and pulled a chunk of himself out and it was Tim.

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Jasmine: I'm afraid our son will come out extremely gorgeous and when he grows up, girls will flock to his penis!
Me: I don't care, as long as he keeps that rubber on his meat.

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3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ch shouted u out

N.I.K.E./Martian Lewis said...

"...Pulleed Out A Piece Of Himself And There Was Tim"

You Funny For That, b.

Real Funny!!!

FitchGirl said...

hahaha love it :)