Sarcasm is my middle name. No, it's not. I'm a Liar.

If you ask anyone that talks to me, I'm really a sarcastic person. Nowadays, people just claim sarcasm because they think that it's cool. That shit is totally annoying, seeing people in shirts that say "I'm fluent in sarcasm". Hell, even shit like this:



"Look at me! I'll say the opposite of what I really mean with a smug tone and that shows my bitchy attitude! I'm cooler than you because I suffer from anti-social personality disorder!"

Look, I really don't know how to control my sarcasm, sometimes even unleashing it on some random stranger. It just surprises me when people ask dumb, obvious questions and then get offended.

"Was there just a car accident?"
"No. Why would you think that? Is it the two destroyed cars in the middle of the street or the debris all over the ground? Perhaps the ambulance right there?"

It's a defense mechanism.

I remember a time when I was in 3rd grade and the teacher said "Draw what you want to be when you grow up". I didn't fucking know, I was 8, so I just drew an astronaut." She said "Why an astronaut? Try again." So, out of anger, I drew a Shoe City cashier and she took my paper and I started crying. I don't really want to be a Shoe City cashier, but I was like "Fuck it, if you won't take what I give you." She probably would've thought I was one of those at-risk children if I wasn't already the smartest one in the class.

Those fake sarcasm motherfuckers are one of two kinds of people I hate. People that tell other people they're sarcastic and people that tell people they're funny. Technically, I'm the first one now, which means I must commit seppuku, but I could never be the second. Those obnoxious assholes.