- Let me tell you what one of my co-workers are doing for their girlfriend on Valentine's Day:
His girlfriend has been playing basketball since elementary school and she didn't play this year. He's going to take a sharpie and write a bunch of I love you notes on a basketball, take her to a basketball court in their neighborhood where "I love you" is going to be written at the foul line with Reese's Pieces and her senior year women's basketball banner is going to be hanging up somewhere.
- I'm buying my girlfriend a book and drawing her a card myself.
- I'm lame compared to old "Love & Basketball" over here.
- It's a slow ass day. It's 60 degrees outside. Nobody's staying in.
- I think I like Urban Outfitters. That's such a hipster store.
- I'm not a hipster.
- they had a book you could put your penis in. Kind of like those things at the carnival that would have a cowboy body and you put your head in? It's like that, except it's for your dick.
- That's not the book I'm buying my girlfriend. I considered it, but she raised the problem of whether or not "it" would fit.
- She said it, not me.
- She said this Beyonce song called "Ego" reminded her of me. She wanted to let me listen to it, but it sounded corny.
- I don't have a big ego. I really don't. Sometimes.
- Apparently some acquaintances of mine had a Super Bowl party with strippers.
- One of them lit up a lightbulb with her snatch.
- I also heard she went to high school with us. Go figure.
- I'm going to the Asian Wokery buffet at Wegman's.
- Up LUNCH TIME.