I took one of my friends little facebook notes and. . . corrected it and I thought it came out pretty well. The result is:
Think women are so "difficult" to understand? No they're not, you're just a stupid pussy. Allow your old buddy Eric to walk you through some of women's most common catchphrases.
1) "im gay"
She really means: "I don't find you that attractive, sir. I'm not actually gay, but I did dabble in some 'lesbian-esque' activities with my girlfriends that I won't be telling anyone with a penis about anytime soon."
2) be in da bed bout ta go ta sleep and i say "its hot"
She really means: "If you don't take advantage of me, I'm telling everyone you're a fag."
3) "im not ova mii ex yet"
She really means: "Don't be surprised if he leaves any comments on my myspace that includes the words 'pussy', 'dick', 'my house', 'blowjob', 'your face', 'tomorrow' or 'fuck that other nigga'"
4) "nigga i dont need you"
She really means: "I'm going to bitch the shit out of you right now, but soon as I'm all emotional and shit, don't bring up the fact that I just said this."
5) "i be gettin bored wit u"
She really means: "I had another man's dick all in my mouth yesterday because he took me to Cheesecake Factory. What are you gonna do about it?"
6) "i dont see why we cant just go..."
She really means: "This is your last chance to take me out. You know what? I should've fucked your best friend. I really should've. He look like Trey Songz, too."
7) "You frontin"
She really means: "Why are you doing what I'm supposed to do? You caught me off guard with that shit. I'm gonna be right back after I figure out how pissed I'm supposed to be"
8) "im not like these otha bitches out here"
She really means: "Yeah, I am"
9) "It's a long story." (tj)
She really means: "It involves gratuitous amounts of sex. Probably a train or a g of some short. Hell, it might've happened this morning, but you'll never know."
10) "u can try ta talk ta my homegirl but idk wat she gon say"
She really means: "You go ahead and take the chance, but don't come back over here. I got my eyes on your Trey Songz looking friend."
11) "yea mii homegirl mad cool"
She really means: "My friend + one blunt + 3 cups of Jack Daniels mixed with anything = Story for your friends tomorrow"
12) After being rejected..."oh ard i jis thought we was cool anywayz"
She really means: "YOU BITCH. YOU FUCKED UP HARD."
13) "i wanna take it slow"
She really means: "Keep your hands away from my jeans. Unless you tryna wife, you get tit action only."
14) "i need an around da way nigga"
She really means: "I really don't feel like traveling for some cock. I need a fine, young fellow in the immediate vicinity who is adequate for my needs."
15) "Yea, i guess you're right." (tj)
She really means: "You're wrong. You're wrong as shit. I just don't feel like talking about it anymore."
16) "Thats not what I meant."
She really means: "That's totally what I meant, but I was hoping you would bitch up. I kinda see how Rihanna feels."
17) When i'm CLEARLY mad but i say "I'm fine" or "It's whatever", etc. (tj)
She really means: "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Shut up. Shut up."
18) "Can we talk about this later?" (tj)
She really means:" Let's never talk about this again."
19) "yea ok'
She really means: "We'll see about that shit next week."
20) "Did you cum?"
She really means: "I know you didn't. When guys cum, you shoot shit out your dick and shake and growl like a monkey. I just want you to get off me. I'm not even wet anymore, it's chafing."
Authored by Kiera Hawkins and "TJ"
Revised by Eric Richardson