The Adventures of Murphy Holmes (Most Likely Part 1)

So, if you've been to my blog before you may or may not know about my crazy ass cat Murphy Homes. Boy, do I have a story for you tonight.

I'm in my room about to fall asleep or whatever. I'm just tired, don't have anywhere to go and next thing you know I hear a loud flapping sound. I open my eye for a split second and see something flying back in forth between my room and the hallway. My first though was "That is NOT A FUCKING BIRD". It came to my realization that it was actually not a bird, but a living, breathing fucking bat. I promptly jumped up and crouch-walked out of my room, since I don't know how many dudes you know would jump up and fist fight a small creature that could fly faster than you could run, and made my way downstairs.

I alerted my mother to the situation and she was freaked out, of course. My mother told me I can't be scared of the bat because I'm a man, but I'm sorry to say that I'm more afraid of something smaller than me that I can't easily grab and slam around than I am of, say, a hyena or a grizzly bear. Then, an idea came into my head: Get the damn cat. I opened the front door and my cat promptly trotted in, so I quickly picked him up and put him on the steps and said "You know what it is, nigga." Fortunately, the bat was attempting to make his way down the stairs at that moment. Now I'd have to say that it was 5 seconds at the most when Murphy came strutting down the steps with the bat in its mouth screeching in confusion.

When Murphy got downstairs, he started pouncing on it and playing all around when my mother pinned it down with the broom. At first, we were going to put him under a trash bin, but then I got the idea to just murder the thing. I got a hammer and gave it three good smashes to make sure it was done. We then swept it out of the house and off of the porch.

I don't know what we would've done if we didn't have Murphy Holmes. Perhaps swatting around crazily with a broomstick breaking our shit. That bat might have been Murphy's angel in disguise because my mother was sure enough about to get rid of his ass.