Friday, August 15, 2008

The Face of Evil

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Yeah, I know what you're thinking. He's cute. Well, the cute ones are always the worst. He's bigger now, and he's a violent creature. I decided to name him Murphy Homes, after an infamous neighborhood in Baltimore because he is one of the most Baltimore cats I've ever seen.

For one, he scares my neighbors. He made the neighbor girl cry and he chases everyone that walks past my house. You ever seen a big, gangster-y dude with tattoos and cornrows jump after being startled by a small, black cat? It's funny, but that's not the point.

He terrified the UPS man. He was coming to bring the box that Sony sent me to send my Playstation 3 to them to get fixed, and when he came on the porch, Murphy hunched his back. He figured he was harmless and when he got close to the door he pounced on his leg. The guy then makes tracks to the gate where he stands outside and yells "Hey!" repeatedly. When my mom notices and goes out to talk to him, he tells her that the cat attacked him and he decided to pussy his way outside the yard. My mom says "I can't believe everybody is so afraid of our cat" to which the UPS man replies "Whatever, I've been scratched by a cat before!" Now, I'm sure other people that have been scratched by cats agree that a cat scratch might hurt a little, but not enough to interrupt my job. I guess when Biggie said "Don't be mad, UPS is hiring", he didn't add "people that are scared of cats".

He also brought a bird in our house this past Tuesday. Now, I don't know what possessed this little motherfucker to bring a live animal in my house, but I chased him around for 10 minutes beating him with a broom to get him to release the poor thing, but he wouldn't let go. When he finally did, I scooped the bird up with the dust pan and put it on the porch. It died like 5 minutes later.

Both of those things happened this week.

In conclusion, my cat is a demon. I don't want to blame it on him being black, because that would be racist.

3 comments:

tuesdai Noelle said...

LOL!!! Rich! I adore your humor and the fact that you're blantly honest...too classic. I'm almost on the floor with 3 things you've said in the story...
1) The cat being cute...he's a demon, chasing the UPS guy around.
2) You cahsing the UPS guy around the house for 10 minutes with a BROOM lol, to let the bird go.
Lastly 3) You saying; You don't want to blame it on the fact that the cat is black LOL! Loved the story...I adore cats though, I don't have any anymore...but use to ove them!

Malcolm Maximillion said...

Its fucked up you named your cat after Murphy Homes lmao

Schoolin4TheGoodLife said...

you're cats a real bastard