The E-Rich Show starring

Eric as E-Rich

That's me. Sexiest man on the planet who at times transforms into Action Bastard.



Lashawn as Mom

That's my mother. An intelligent woman who oft-times influences my decisions. Also where I get half of my humor from.



Eric Sr. as Dad

My father. An intelligent man who oft-times influences my desicions. Where I got the other half of my humor from.



Jasmine as "Baby Mama"

The woman whom I've been in a 2 year relationship and is now bearing my child. She's a butthole.



Eugene as Malcolm Maximillion

sidekick of Action BastardFriend of E-Rich. Creates beats and does other stuff, like live with his girlfriend.



Terrell as T-Jay

The troublemaking, womanizing younger brother. He's so awesome. Or something.



Kyree as Kyzilla

The youngest brother. Pain in the butt I love him so much.

Because This is So Much Fun

Turning popular movie names into adult film movie names = priceless

- Cumdog Millionaire

- The Dark Pipe

- Babylon B.J.

- Cockbang Dangerous

- Camp Cock

- The Chronicles of Pornia: Princess Lesbian

- The Bi-Curious Case of Benjamin Buttsex

- Handcock

- The Midnight Skeet Train

- One Licked Ball

- Pride and Glory Holes

I was so bored.

This Would Be Like Letting Lupe Fiasco Give Me Facial Reconstruction

I don't know what level of dick-ridery or loyalty this has to be, but I don't give a shit how cool I think you are, you can't touch my face if you barely have tattoo experience. Apparently, Wayne has approximately two weeks of tattooing experience and Tyga thinks it is a good idea to let him tattoo his face because, I assume, he's his boss. He has three dots which are supposed to mean "laugh, then cry" or some retarded shit. Fuck that.

If I ever get a tattoo, you're going to know exactly what it is. I don't want people asking me what my tattoo means, so nothing in Japanese or some symbol or some other lame trash like that.

When the Dog Bites, When the Bee Stings, When I'm Feeling Sad

I go to F*** My Life. This website is hilarious and makes you not feel so bad about your problems. People anonymoulsy post some embarassing, nasty or plain old fucked up shit that happened to them during their day. Here are some examples:


Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

Today, I kissed my girlfriend and she tasted like a cigarette. I don't smoke. She doesn't smoke. My roommate does. FML

Today, I found out my angry ex girlfriend put Nair in my shampoo before moving out of my dorm. I'm now balding at 19. FML

Today, I was happy because my exact shirt and sweater were in seventeen magazine. They were in the "what not to wear" category. FML

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob (I don't normally do it because I have a fear of getting squirt in the eye). Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bite the wrong spot and get lemon juice shot right into my eye. FML

That'll teach her

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML

Gamer x Dad

First, I'm glad everyone sees Kanye how I do right now. I figured someone would think I was hating or being fruity for paying more attention to Kanye's outfit than Amber Rose, but Amber Rose gets her own time later. (Sperm-Friendly 2 coming later. Way later.)

So, I realized today when I suddenly wanted to buy Street Fighter IV that I'm going to have to slow down on the game uptake once the baby is here. That's difficult as shit to come to terms with. I mean, all of the good games come out this year. Tekken 6, God of War III, Infamous, Killzone 2. Not that I won't be able to buy them, but I'm not going to be able to get them soon as they come out, which is my shit.

I do, however, appreciate the fact that I'll get to craft my child's love of video games and hope that it's like mine. I would feel the same way as a dad who primed their child to grow up to play basketball or some other unisex sport or hobby that they partook in when they were younger(Is partook a word? the word processor didn't say shit, so meh).

I want to type more, but I have to take Kyree, my demon-seed younger brother, out for a walk. He turned 11, yesterday, but that doesn't keep him from being a thorn in my scrotum. He's autistic if I didn't mention it, but don't feel all bad. He's still a butthole.

What the hell, Kanye.

Let's ignore the broad for a minute. This motherfucker has on a jean jacket over a sweater over a button up with a bowtie on it. Now, I haven't been a fan of jean jacket outfits since I had a State Property outfit when I was like 13, but his pants dark as shit compared to his jacket. Now, I'm not claiming to be a fashion connoisseur, but this outfit is just frustrating to me.

And he still has that fucking shag.



I'd drag my . . . I'd do nasty things to her body.

She almost makes the shag forgivable. . .

No she doesn't.

Thanks a lot, Jasmine

Well, I was hoping I'd keep this a secret until I could take actual pictures of it, but my girlfriend decided to write a blog about it.

I'm gonna be a father soon.

Yes, my magnificence will now be taking the form of an infant in several months and to tell the truth, I'm not really scared. I mean, I look on the bright side of it, It's not like I'm still in high school. I'm actually older than my father was when he got my mom pregnant (I'll be 20 in over a month) and most of my family that I've told so far has been supportive and some even excited.

So, while being my same painfully honest, nerdy self I'll keep you posted on the upcoming baby. Being that a hefty amount of my followers are women, I'm sure you'll love that shit.

You can see my girlfriend's "pregnancy blog" right here.

What she REALLY means

I took one of my friends little facebook notes and. . . corrected it and I thought it came out pretty well. The result is:


Think women are so "difficult" to understand? No they're not, you're just a stupid pussy. Allow your old buddy Eric to walk you through some of women's most common catchphrases.



1) "im gay"
She really means: "I don't find you that attractive, sir. I'm not actually gay, but I did dabble in some 'lesbian-esque' activities with my girlfriends that I won't be telling anyone with a penis about anytime soon."

2) be in da bed bout ta go ta sleep and i say "its hot"
She really means: "If you don't take advantage of me, I'm telling everyone you're a fag."

3) "im not ova mii ex yet"
She really means: "Don't be surprised if he leaves any comments on my myspace that includes the words 'pussy', 'dick', 'my house', 'blowjob', 'your face', 'tomorrow' or 'fuck that other nigga'"

4) "nigga i dont need you"
She really means: "I'm going to bitch the shit out of you right now, but soon as I'm all emotional and shit, don't bring up the fact that I just said this."

5) "i be gettin bored wit u"
She really means: "I had another man's dick all in my mouth yesterday because he took me to Cheesecake Factory. What are you gonna do about it?"

6) "i dont see why we cant just go..."
She really means: "This is your last chance to take me out. You know what? I should've fucked your best friend. I really should've. He look like Trey Songz, too."

7) "You frontin"
She really means: "Why are you doing what I'm supposed to do? You caught me off guard with that shit. I'm gonna be right back after I figure out how pissed I'm supposed to be"

8) "im not like these otha bitches out here"
She really means: "Yeah, I am"

9) "It's a long story." (tj)
She really means: "It involves gratuitous amounts of sex. Probably a train or a g of some short. Hell, it might've happened this morning, but you'll never know."

10) "u can try ta talk ta my homegirl but idk wat she gon say"
She really means: "You go ahead and take the chance, but don't come back over here. I got my eyes on your Trey Songz looking friend."

11) "yea mii homegirl mad cool"
She really means: "My friend + one blunt + 3 cups of Jack Daniels mixed with anything = Story for your friends tomorrow"

12) After being rejected..."oh ard i jis thought we was cool anywayz"
She really means: "YOU BITCH. YOU FUCKED UP HARD."

13) "i wanna take it slow"
She really means: "Keep your hands away from my jeans. Unless you tryna wife, you get tit action only."

14) "i need an around da way nigga"
She really means: "I really don't feel like traveling for some cock. I need a fine, young fellow in the immediate vicinity who is adequate for my needs."

15) "Yea, i guess you're right." (tj)
She really means: "You're wrong. You're wrong as shit. I just don't feel like talking about it anymore."

16) "Thats not what I meant."
She really means: "That's totally what I meant, but I was hoping you would bitch up. I kinda see how Rihanna feels."

17) When i'm CLEARLY mad but i say "I'm fine" or "It's whatever", etc. (tj)
She really means: "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Shut up. Shut up."

18) "Can we talk about this later?" (tj)
She really means:" Let's never talk about this again."

19) "yea ok'
She really means: "We'll see about that shit next week."

20) "Did you cum?"
She really means: "I know you didn't. When guys cum, you shoot shit out your dick and shake and growl like a monkey. I just want you to get off me. I'm not even wet anymore, it's chafing."


Authored by Kiera Hawkins and "TJ"
Revised by Eric Richardson

Eric <3's Hip-Hop

The Chris Brown/Rihanna ass-whooping is getting old now. People are paying more attention to how Rihanna and Christina are going to bounce back then the fact that Chris Brown beat her ass. We're not talking about a simple swift backhand, we're talking about a Tekken combo.

MC Hammer getting his own reality show is so "Blah". Especially for A&E. No one's going to reach the height that Flava Flav did with "Flavor of Love", but that's because Flava Flav is actually entertaining. They could give that nigga a cooking show and there would still be quotables. That's not such a bad idea, actually.

Bone Thugs & Harmony + K-Fed = LAWL

I don't know who to be angrier at: Bone Thugs for thinking this will work or Kevin Federline for still trying. Let's hope they make another "Popazao".

Raz-B really needs to just come out of the closet. All he's getting right now is a lot of animosity from everyone for acting like such an attention whore.

I believe at this point that beating up Suge Knight isn't really a feat anymore. If Suge Knight gets mollywhopped after the Akon's manager fiasco, they shouldn't brag about it. Unless they're Vanilla Ice.

Aubrey O'Day is bi? What else is new?

Shit Just Got Real

- Yeah it did.

- I decided I'm going to stop doing these. These might not be as "intimate" as some of my readers would prefer it to be.

- I mean, I'm not posting shoes and expensive ass jackets, so that only means I get to talk about myself.

- This especially hit me when I posted some clothes I liked and no one said shit at all. I wonder if I even have readers anymore.

- It doesn't matter. I'm still going to post meaningless tripe.

- I can read back over this when I'm old and talk about how cool I was.

- I've slacked off for a while, but I don't care. I'm tired.

- I read Reverend Run's son's blog.

- I'm going to be honest, it's like every other person's blog that imitates Kanye's except we care because he's a B-list celebrity.

- I think his little clothing line "Space Cadet" might be cool, though.

- You should watch Chowder. It's funny as shit.

- I found out something today. I'm not telling anyone on the internet because it's none of your business at the moment.

- My mother is completely apathetic to me getting my goddamn FAFSA done, but if she doesn't give me some paperwork, I'm gonna be broke next semester.

- I see me taking pictures isn't going over so well. My bad.

Speakerboxxin Pics

I took all of these. Yes, I did.

I'd Skeet Her So Hard People Call Her Patti Mayonnaise

- Yo, there's a black dude with an unkempt afro and a rolling suitcase sitting two computers in front of me mumbling about section 8, the government and saying "yeah, motherfucker" three or so times ever few seconds.

- This indian dude and white girl walked past looking nervous as shit.

- I hope he doesn't go nuts.

- Being murdered in the Albin O. Kuhn Library was never how I thought I'd go out.

- Possibly in a scuffle. A robbery gone wrong perhaps.

- I have money now. Yay. Well, I need to stay in the mind state that I'm broke so I won't spend it all.

- I can't touch my savings until the summer. I have big plans.

- Myrtle Beach. Otakon. Family Reunion. Older women.

- ;)

- I was watching the episode of Family Guy where Lois and Peter kept smoking weed and it was hilarious. If you've actually smoked or know someone who does, it's a lot funnier.

- "All I wanna do is bake cookies!"

- I promise I'm going to change my blog layout by May. Maybe June. This shit is drab.

- So the story about ChRianna that I've heard and believe is that Rihanna and Chris were at a Grammy party and she threw his Lamborghini keys out of the window during an argument. Chris couldn't find his keys, so he struck her. Several times.

- I mean, that's a Lamborghini, though.

- I have this habit of looking at my own myspace a lot. I feel that the way I design my shit is perfect.

- Is that conceited?

- The dude in front of me isn't making noise anymore. He might be high on sherum.

- I hate warm weather. I walk around for 15 minutes and start sweating.

- I'm really not that out of shape. I have a glandular problem or some shit.

- I can't believe I have, like, 3 and a half-hours between classes.

- I promise I'm going to feature a "The Shit Me and My Brother Talk About On the Phone" soon as we get my internet back up.

- A matter of fact, we're going to make a v-blog.

- Raven Symone is hot. I'd bone away her hopes and dreams.

- She'd become middle-class and want to live with me and I'd be all "I'm sorry, but my heart belongs to someone else. The doggystle was great, though."

- Okay, now homeboy in front of me made a weird sneezing/orgasm noise. Ah, shit, he's talking again.

- He sounds like a protagonist in a blaxploitation film.

- This lady just looked at me and made the "crazy" gesture.

- You know, where you put your finger next to your head and twirl it around?

- That dude has to be high. He's high.

- "All I wanna do is bake cookies!"

- Someone's going to snitch on him. This is a quiet floor. Let's not snitch on the pickaninnies black kids that talk all loud on the phone to their friends and shit, but let's get the crazy minority put off the campus.

- How the FUCK do I get to my imeem playlist!? I can make one, but I can't get to it for shit. This is why I don't fuck with imeem. Peace of shit. I might as well make a playlist on myspace(/rant)

- He's gone. Thank Flying Spaghetti Monster.

- "All I wanna do is bake cookies!"

- I have to click on my own name to get to my playlist? How dookie is that?

-

- That's my valentine.

-

- That's Cthulhu

I Don't Ask For Much

One of these may get some of my miscellaneous money. The "I Heart Doggie" shirt is a must.

He Said He Peed on That Nigga Butt!

- I think I'm going to start doing these more often. They are very free-flowing.

- I'm only doing this to show I'm not lazy. I still care about the 10 or so people that read my blog. Yeah, you might follow my shit, but you don't look.

- That's cool.

- It also gives me an excuse to just give my posts random ass names.

- This title is from this rap battle where one of the dudes said "He came all the way from the boondocks to get his butt peed on!" and then everybody gasped and shit and one dude was like "HE SAID HE PEED ON THAT NIGGA BUTT!" and then this white dude chimed in like "He peed on your butt!" Malcolm remembers that, he has the Fight Club DVD it was on.

- I think this 50 Cent/Rick Ross/Jay-Z thing is stupid retarded lame, but I have to admit 50's little videos are funny. Maybe he should stop rapping. No, he NEEDS to stop rapping. Just act.

- I really don't feel like doing my FAFSA, but I want to get this shit out of the way.

- LOL @ the dude J Oliver calling gay guys "flamingos". I don't know how I'd react if a guy winked at me.

- I actually watched Scarred. That shit was disturbing. One dude had a seizure after trying to do a trick in roller blades.

- Hey, I can see downtown from the window I'm sitting next to.

- Smog like a bitch.

- M.I.A. is pregnant as shit! It was funny watching her wobble around the stage.

- If Kanye doesn't cut that God-forsaken mullet. . .

- Is it bad that I don't want to listen to T.I.s verse?

- All he does is mumble on tracks with nice beats and that shit's hot.

- He has a "Boomhauer" swag.

- Am I the only person that can understand Boomhauer?

- I really should eat right now, but I'm saving money.

- Well, I have a lot of money, but I don't want to spend it on something as trivial as food.

- I still have an hour and a half left before my next class starts.

- I wonder if that fat girl is going to flirt with me again.

- *sigh*

- So, how about Chris Brown mollywhopping Rihanna?

- She had to hit him first. Chris Brown is softer than Silly Putty.

- I want to laugh, but domestic violence isn't funny. Unless the woman is beating up the man. Then it's funny.

- My girlfriend hits me, but that's because she doesn't know how to slide(get on, crack on) people.

- She believes it's an adequate rebuttal for any joke that I make about her.

- That's bullshit.

U2 - Get On Your Boots

I think the song and the video are sick and you can snort semen if you disagree.

I Rock. And Roll. All Night. Sweet Susan.

- Let me tell you what one of my co-workers are doing for their girlfriend on Valentine's Day:

His girlfriend has been playing basketball since elementary school and she didn't play this year. He's going to take a sharpie and write a bunch of I love you notes on a basketball, take her to a basketball court in their neighborhood where "I love you" is going to be written at the foul line with Reese's Pieces and her senior year women's basketball banner is going to be hanging up somewhere.

Slick bastard.

- I'm buying my girlfriend a book and drawing her a card myself.

- I'm lame compared to old "Love & Basketball" over here.

- It's a slow ass day. It's 60 degrees outside. Nobody's staying in.

- I think I like Urban Outfitters. That's such a hipster store.

- I'm not a hipster.

- they had a book you could put your penis in. Kind of like those things at the carnival that would have a cowboy body and you put your head in? It's like that, except it's for your dick.

- That's not the book I'm buying my girlfriend. I considered it, but she raised the problem of whether or not "it" would fit.

- She said it, not me.

- She said this Beyonce song called "Ego" reminded her of me. She wanted to let me listen to it, but it sounded corny.

- I don't have a big ego. I really don't. Sometimes.

- Apparently some acquaintances of mine had a Super Bowl party with strippers.

- One of them lit up a lightbulb with her snatch.

- I also heard she went to high school with us. Go figure.

- I'm going to the Asian Wokery buffet at Wegman's.

- Up LUNCH TIME.

I Shouldn't Even Be On Here Right Now

- They just talked to me last week about using the internet at work

- I'm going to get fired

- I wonder how pissed Eugene is going to be that I'm using his thing

- This lady better come get this damn microwave

- I wish people would stop telling me how good I look. A nigga lose 30-something pounds and you think he had a brick body or something.

- I just got three pick-ups! Not really three. It was, like, two and the lady that came back to get her microwave.

- Middle-aged black lady that kept saying my name dumb proper. Most people just say "Erk" and she was all "Air-rick".

- I need to think of something to do tomorrow after I get my permit. I better get my permit.

- Driving by August isn't such a bad idea. That's when the urban negroes start getting real rowdy.

- They're going to bother me because I'm going to be listening to rock music and video game soundtracks.

- I wonder if anyone likes me in my Gender and Women's Studies class.

- It's like 30 girls and at least 7 of them have to find me attractive.

- There's a fat gay guy in my math class and he's really REALLY gay. Like, fat people shouldn't be able to switch that hard.

- My summer should be so much fun

- If we actually go to Myrtle Beach, I'm going to book like 2 out-of-towners.

- That shouldn't be hard. If I had a nickel for everytime someone said they liked my accent, I'd have 20 cents.

- I just remembered my mom reads my blog.

- Hi Mom!

- Yes, I'm going to take condoms to Myrtle Beach.

She Loves Everybody - Chester French

This is my favorite song of their's next to "Beneath the Veil".

Fuck with these kids. FUCK WITH EM.

The Customer's Always Dumb

Yo, working at Sears has proven to me that not everyone is as smart as I am and it's really disheartening, whether asking stupid questions or doing really dumb shit, customers manage to piss me off.

"Do You Work Here?"

It's amazing how you wear a name tag and lanyard with the word "Sears" all on it and people still manage to assume there's a possibility I might not work there. Apparently they know a lot of teenagers that wear black polos, khakis and steel-toe boots in public.

"Is This Merchandise Pick-Up?"

This really gets on my nerves because we have a lot of old people come in and they seem to try to avoid technology the best they can. We have an electronic kiosk that speaks to people whenever they walk past. It says "Welcome to Merchandise Pick-Up. If you're here to make a pick-up, scan your receipt or swipe your credit card and an associate will be with you shortly". The instructions are also on the screen, but people manage to not see that. Not to mention the machine is extremely loud.

There was one time where a guy actually walked inside of the coat room and I had to stop him to let him know that's definitely not where you pick up your shit.

"My Receipt Won't Scan"

I can understand having problems with this is you're Helen Keller. Not only does the machine tell you wear to scan your receipt, but there's an illustration on the kiosk that shows you where and how. A lot of people figure this out and the receipt won't scan so we take care of it for them. Easy. Then you have the morons who don't have a grasp on modern technology.

One day a guy comes in to make a pick-up on an online order he had. He didn't print out the receipt, so what he tried to do was scan the barcode through his Iphone. He brought up the e-mail with the barcode on it on his Iphone screen and then tried to scan it through. No, really.

"Where Do I Swipe My Credit Card?"

There's a little slit on the side with a wider crevice for you to comfortably stick your credit card in and swipe it down. No one notices that and they constantly slam their credit card in to the side wondering why it doesn't fit. Some even go as far as putting their credit card where you scan your receipt.

"I Didn't Know How Long You Were Going To Be"

Sometimes we get an impatient asshole who can't seem to wait 1-3 minutes to get their shit, so they walk through the employees only doors. It's bad enough they just waltz in like it's cool, but the loss prevention officers, who's door is inside the stock room, don't even stop the motherfuckers. I was helping a woman put her vacuum in her car and a guy that left earlier to get his car was walking out of the stock room with his washer machine on a fucking hand cart. What kind of shit is that?

"Don't I get a coupon?"

On the off days where it takes us over 5 minutes to bring out someone's merchandise, the customer gets a five dollar coupon. Sometimes, we'll attempt to take care of the customer or may have to take them out early and they still think they get a coupon. Once upon a time, one of my co-workers had a pick-up and the guy didn't come back for ten minutes after scanning the receipt. They took him out early, but the guy walks in complaining about where his five dollar coupon is.

"Do You Think It'll Fit If We Take It Out of the Box?"

One of the most plentiful offenses working in Merchandise Pick-Up is people purchasing big huge shit and then coming in a tiny car. you don't buy a 40 inch LCD screen TV and then come to get it in a Toyota Corolla. It just doesn't work that way. Then, they almost always ask if we can take it out of the box. Store policy is that we can't help people if they take their item out of the box. This pisses them off, but it's their fault. Even if you tell them, "No, it still won't fit", they'll insist to try it anyway. It's really a pain in the ass.

Damn, School Again?

Human Context of Science Technology

We're supposed to be learning about the popular debate about how to bridge the gap between science and the arts. Both of the instructors are cool and 5 percent of our grade goes toward laughing at their jokes. I think they are serious.

Gender and Women's Studies: Women in the Media: Images, Myths and somethingsomething

I thought I would be the only dude in this class, but surprisingly there are five of us. To about 25 women. Our professor says the class won't be about male-bashing, but surely they'll toss some of that in.

Mathematics

I don't know, I haven't gone yet. . .

Abnormal Psychology

I'm learning about crazy people.


I see none of you like skateboarding :/

Damn It All to Hell

My internet's fucked up again, so dammit. I got some nice pictures and videos and shit, too.

Well, you can either watch Chris Haslam and Louie Barletta skateboard or you can leave until I post something worthwhile.

Shark Ass Bitc-. . . Women

That's just sad. It's rare you see one brand blatantly rip off another brand like that. Not since I've seen Drunkn Munky start making jeans that looked exactly like Red Monkey when they were popular.

Johnny Cupcakes, which is a brand that I thought was "gay" at first and started to grow on me, is apparently being chomped on by Pastry, Angela and Vanessa Simmons brand. There's no way that the designers for Pastry could say it's a coincedence because that's pretty obviously a direct copy of the Johnny Cupcakes design.

You could hear it straight from Johnny's mouth (or keyboard. Whatever.) here.

I was alerted to this travesty by Hostage NYC.


WAIT, THERE'S MORE!



Really, Levi's? You bite off of one of the more original and popular shoe designs of the last year like THAT!? Damn! Ya'll need new designers or just don't make shoes.

You thought we wouldn't notice might be one of my new favorite sites.

Decisions Decisions

One of these magazines are getting my money for a one year subscription. I just don't know which one yet.

Bromance

I was wondering why I don't read the Source anymore, then I picked it up in the Barnes & Nobles and saw this:



Neither one of these people have relevance in the game anymore, and they need to give up. This isn't my opinion, this is fact, just like chlorophyll is the reason leaves are green.

When I was looking up a picture of the magazine to post, I found out they made a song called "Roc da Mic". I listened to the song and it was not what I expected at all. It wasn't Bow Wow trying to sound tough or Jermaine Dupri rambling about how much money he has, but it was a love song by them dedicated to each other. While I agree that showing love to people you respect is something more needed in hip-hop, but making a song about it and making it a single is being overly comfortable for me. I want to call it gay, but that would be rude. I'm not posting the video, so you go watch it and tell me what you think.

"I be looking at em like 'Ew, who do that?'" - Lil Bow Wow

I don't know any straight men that say "Ew, who do that". That's some shit for the kids.

P.S. The beat sucks ass, but all of Jermaine Dupri's beats suck ass.

"Put a Guitar Solo on That Bitch"

This is me getting picked on for having a low voice while I'm recording with my friends and shit. I really didn't want to post it, but people are gonna see it anyway. They didn't show all of the jokes and dumb shit, but yeah, then you'd hear the whole song or whatever. Oh, the dude with the braids is Demar and the light-skinned kid is my little brother.

Most Known Unknowns

Uzoy

Representing: Houston, Texas



www.myspace.com/uzoy

I saw Uzoy on EC|DC's myspace(you'll see him eventually) and I fell in love with the song "Twilight Zone". I actually left her a comment telling her she's one of the nicest female rappers I've heard thus far. Check out her music, that's what the link's for.

Dyme-A-Duzin

Representing: Brooklyn, New York



www.myspace.com/dymeaduzin

I started listening to this cat a while ago when I saw him on FILNO's(If you don't know who that is, you're not on youtube enough) subscriptions. He had some funny parody songs, but don't take homeboy as a joke. He's 16(going on 17), but he can spit with the best of them. Check out his new joint "Ur Tight" featuring Diverse. Download "Shut Up and Listen", too.

Matic Touch

Representing: Akron, Ohio



www.myspace.com/matictouchmusic

Also known as Blaze of Glory of WayMoreFresher, he's quite a rapper. With his comrade Styxx supplying some synth-laced fire, he receives an adequate track for his lyrics to run on. Make sure you give "Cloud Nine" and "Underestimation" produced by Rawdee a listen.

DJ Imp

Representing: Baltimore, Maryland



www.myspace.com/skleebindeebin

I just found this dude, like, two days ago because one of my friends added him on myspace. I'm glad I did, because his beats are crazy. I've been listening to his remix of "That's Gangsta" by Bun B over and over again and I put his instrumental "Birth of the Imp" on my myspace.

Malcolm Maximillion

Representing: Baltimore, Maryland via Patterson, New Jersey



www.myspace.com/millionaireradio

Yeah, yeah, favouritism, whatever. He still has some nice beats and he's going to be in a beat battle at the Sonar on the 24th, for anyone in the area. He made a Clipse remix CD "A Clipse of Jazz", so you should download it.

EC|DC

Virginia(At least I'm sure it's Virginia)



www.myspace.com/ecdcmusic

I've been following EC|DC for a while now, ever since his name used to be Tokyo Joe. He's from the school of up and coming producers that are influenced by Dilla, but yet many of his beats are actually created through keyboard play. He posted one of my favorite beats of his "City of Nowhere" and you should take a listen immediately. Also check out Brittany Bosco, one of his frequent collaborators.

$port

Representing: Toledo, Ohio



www.myspace.com/supersportmusic

Last but not least, we have $port, also repping WayMoreFresher. Like his blogmate Matic Touch, he is also proficient in his craft, which is beatmaking. Influenced by J Dilla, Madlib, Just Blaze and other producers popular for their sampling ability, it shows in his work. He just released a downloadable LP "A Bathing $", influenced by Nigo and A Bathing Ape.




That was way harder than I thought it would be with all of the html and shit. Wow.

I love this woman

I've come to the conclusion that if I ever go to a Janelle Monae show and sit in the front row, I have to cover my eyes. If she points at me, I'm going to pass out and Baltimore people don't pick each other up.

Little Wayne featuring Pharrell - Yes(. . . no)

Lil Wayne stupid line count:

"Scarier than a cat in a cave with a terrier/ pet semetary, Wayne are you the veteranarian?/"

Ugh. That's quite obviously the syrup talking.

"Weezy F Baby and the F is for phenomenal"

I thought he didn't hang around unintelligent people? This is obviously the weed talking

"Just kicking it with a Bruce Lee-S-bian"

I. . . I don't know. It. . . it makes my brain hurt.

There's more, I just really don't feel like listening to it again.

Didn't Lil Wayne say he didn't fuck with Pharrell like that and shit back when he was beefing with the Clipse? What the fuck, man.

Taken from Collegin.

There Will Be Blood

Being that I'm from Baltimore, I already know you couldn't possibly fathom how big this is.

Smash featuring Yung Crip - Too Much 4 Me

I'm sure you're like, "the fuck is this guy?" Well, this song is popular as shit in Baltimore and it shouldn't be difficult for it to start getting popular nationwide. A friend of my mother actually knows the dude Smash and invited me to one of his shows, so I'm like "Why the fuck not?" Still waiting. Either way, I like it, I don't expect you to.

The video is semi-low budget. You can tell they used good cameras, except when they were on Federal Hill(You don't know what that is). I'm tripping because the lightrail station that they start showing later in the video is the one I have to stand on to go to work. I was also when I saw Yung Crip's name. I mean, damn, there are crips that rap, but that's like a gay rapper coming out named "homo".

Oh, Come The Fuck On.

This shit is sickening. There is no way possible that this obviously unfit police officer could get away with this.

If you want to get the message out to these morons that this shit is unacceptable:

1) Digg the story. Spread word online.

2) Contact BART Director Carole Ward Allen and demand an independent investigation. (510-464-6095 or email BoardofDirectors@bart.gov)

3) Call the BART police to demand immediate action: Internal Affairs: Sergeant David Chlebowski 510.464.7029,dchlebo@bart.gov; Chief of Police: Gary Gee 510.464.7022, ggee@bart.gov


Spearheaded by $port.

I Make Beats, Remember?

It's just a snippet of a song I made using "Still Alive" from Mirror's Edge.

Edge of the Mirror(snippet) - E-Rich

If you were here for a while, you might have seen when I attempted to post my beats on the side, but I figured there's no point in trying to force my beats on you if I'm not going to take making beats seriously enough to update all the time.

I'm really liking how this one's coming out so far. It reminds me of "Lost" by Coldplay. Maybe I'll pull a $port and make a mini-EP of beats for your listening pleasure.

What Me and My Brother Talk About on the Phone: The Threequel

Terrell: Yo, you still ain't check my myspace

Me: Nigga. Nigga. Nigga. Nigga.
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Me: Oh, I forgot about her.

Terrell: Who's she?

Me: This girl I met at UMBC. She's hot and I wanted to try to beat.

Terrell: Oh, yeah.

Me: I'm gonna start hanging out with her, like "Hey! I have a cock!"
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Terrell: It's a couple of good movies that went straight to DVD.

Me: Like what?

Terrell: I don't know, bitch. I knew you was gonna ask me that.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Me: I think I might have to doo-doo.

Terrell: What? Why?

Me: Because I ate food, nigga! Why else would I have to poop?

Terrell: You know what? I might have to doo-doo, too.
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(After asking Terrell what his new myspace password was)
Terrell: I had that new password for, like, two months.

Me: You know what I didn't have for, like, two months?

Terrell: I don't know.

Me: The internet, ass!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Me: I say you delete that bitch.

Terrell: Why?

Me: You can't see any of her pictures. All she got is a default of some chick with her back to the camera walking towards the ocean. Fuck is she, a mermaid?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Terrell: She said she was going to come into town and then let me know where she was, yo.

Me: Whole time she a bluffin muffin.
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Terrell: Tell her the oldest chick I dated was 20 years old. . .

Me: . . . and she was crazy like a fox.
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Terrell: She hot ain't she?

Me: I can't tell since ALL HER PICTURES OVERFUCKINGSATURATED! You mess with nothing but clowns.

Terrell: Don't say that yo, she's intelligent.

Me: She's an intelligent clown.

Terrell: Plus she thick.

Me: I'd be able to tell if HER ASS WASN'T BLENDING IN WITH THE FUCKING WALL!
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Me: She's like a buckethead hybrid.

Terrell: Don't say that, yo.

Me: Like a vampire. Like, you'll see a vampire and be like "Hey, he seems cool", but then you'll realize he can't come out in the sunlight or eat garlic sauce. Her buckethead traits pop out every now and then.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Me: I'ma kick Shaquel in the butt. Wanna be acting like I don't exist and shit. Is that Gucci Mane? Ahhhhhhhhssssssssssseeewwwww.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Me: We need to save these water bottles to save the environment. I wish Captain Planet was here to see me. . . so I can punch him in his lips.

Terrell: Yo funny.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Me: Nownownow E-Rich is the one that be boning ya muvva. Bone ya muvva. Boneyaboneya muvva. STOP THE TRACK! LET ME STATE FACTS! I COME OVER YA HOUSE AND THEN BLOW OUT YA MUVVA BACK!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Terrell: You know your feet stink when it gross you out.

Me: LMFAO
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Terrell: Now T-Jay is the one that be fucking ya mother. Not E-Rich.

Me: Man, suck a gravy stick.
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Me: When she get out, better pull her tits out and in two seconds they better end up in my mouth. Getting hornay! Yeah, I'm getting horny!

Terrell: You a dirty bitch.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Terrell: Yo my feet reeking!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Me: What, you been doing? Working in mines?

Terrell: Walking down Lexington Market.

Me: Yo was stepping over crackheads and shit.

Terrell: I went crackhead stomping today.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
(Terrell playing NCAA Football 08, trying to sack a quarterback)
Terrell: Somebody lace his ass. He look like Chris Brown.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Me: You got like 19 females.

Terrell: No, I don't.

Me: You got 19 year old females.

Terrell: . . . So. You 19.

Me: What, you tryna say you got me?

Terrell: Yeah.

Me:(In a gay lisp) Boy, you better clean your feet first and come holla at me later.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Terrell: For real, yo, they smell like boiling piss.
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Me: Yo, I wanna leg drop somebody.

Terrell: lol. What?

Me: One day you gonna meet me at a mall and I'm gonna walk up to you dressed like Macho Man Randy Savage.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Terrell: YO BURNED ME!

Me: OBAMA!
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Me: You need to go wash your feet, b.

Terrell: Shut up.

Me: This is for your health. It smell like you been kicking dung beetles.

Terrell: *hic*I been kicking your mother.

Me: See? The smell gave you the hiccups.
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What the shit, Lupe?

Japanese Cartoon x Percival Fats(That's Lupe. He threw on a british Beatles accent.)

Invaders Must Die



Heirplanes



Army




Ask my friends, I'm a massive Lupe Fiasco stan. I won't argue with some dipshits on forums about it, nor do I think he can do no wrong, but I'm a big stupid ass fan. I enjoy his little deviation from the norm, but this might take some getting use if he plans on continuing with this. The only song so far I can say I like is Army. Everyone's on Heirplanes dick, but I'm not quite feeling it yet. I might be the only one that feels this way, but I want to hear an actual Japanese Cartoon song.

I Just Flew in From My Bedroom and, Boy, Are My Arms Tired

I don't know. I can't sleep. I had a retarded. . . thing, I don't know, with my girlfriend a while ago that I'd rather not talk about because it's severely embarassing. It's not sex or anything, just something I'd rather keep to myself. I figured I'd just post random facts and other bullshit about myself.

- Last night, as in the night of January 3rd, I polished off a medium pizza, 6 golden honey bbq wings and a strawberry cheesecake all by myself in less than an hour. I don't feel guilty at all.

- My dream car is a Lamborghini Gallardo. They swallow gas like fuel sluts, but who gives a shit? It's my dream car.

- My favorite animal, which I just realized, like, last year, is the shark. Preferably a great white shark since they're the common face of sharks.

- I'm not one to get irritated easily, but if you find one of my buttons and push it, you'll find I'm an asshole. Extremely. Thanks to my short but difficult to find fuse, I can often make rash decisions and regret them later. *sigh*

- I make beats and rap, somewhat. Seriously, that was pointless. Who knows any black males that don't rap or make beats?

- I've decided, finally, that my lifetime fanship of an out-of-state football team would go to the Philadelphia Eagles. I liked them one season and they actually went all the way to the Super Bowl, but then they lost. This also happened with the Raiders, Rams and the Seahawks, so I just said "fuck it". But now, yeah, I think I'll go with the Eagles since they're the only team that lost the Super Bowl and didn't suck balls afterwards. Go Ravens.

- I like Totally Spies. If you don't know what that is, then don't bother me about it.

- I've know Malcolm Maximillion since 7th grade. Now that I look back on it, that's a long ass time. Mmm, 7th grade. Mmm, Kristian with the phat ass. I know somehow she's going to find my blog and see that. I'm not taking it back. Her ass is great.

- I can't think of my one favorite movie, but some of my favorites are All Dogs Go to Heaven, Akira, Sin City, Ninja Scroll and Kung Pow. I might remember more later.

- I find a way to curse profusely. Not on purpose, though. The more excited/angry I am, the more profanities per sentence I seem to manage. For example:

"What are you doing?"
"I'm fucking playing fucking Dead Space and this dammit-ass fucking monster won't stop fucking chasing me and shit."

I think I've actually said that once.

- Speaking of cursing, I tend to end stuff with "and shit" a lot when talking. "Happy Birthday and shit" "I'm in the house and shit" "I gotta pee and shit" "I wish you would stop talking and shit" "I fucking hate the Steelers and shit"

- Other words I use a lot:

Totally
Mollywhop
Shradunkel
Snatch(as in VUHgina)
Word?
Broad(s)

- I like breasts. I think I said that somewhere already.

- I don't like horror movies. I'm glad I got that out there. I do, however, love zombie movies.

- I have AIDS. An Incredible Dick Size! Ho! You can keep that. It's a keeper. Use that at parties. Unless there's someone there that actually has AIDS, then keep that to yourself. . . Like real AIDS.

- I love spicy foods, but I have acid reflux, so it's either spicy pleasure or a healthy esophagus. Maaaaaan, fuck my esophagus.

- I SHOULD BE SLEEP RIGHT NOW!

I Can't Believe I'm Posting This

That was one of my wrestling matches from my senior year when I was nice. I'm the one in the red. Wrestling was actually pretty fun and I almost miss it besides the practices. That shit was grueling.

One of the funny things about wrestling is the homoeroticism of it. Tight ass singlets, sweaty men trying to pin each other to the ground. . . Yeah, sounds really fruity. It got on my nerves when people kept asking me shit like "What if you felt a nigga's dick on your ass?"

. . .

First off, that's disgusting, second off, that's not some shit you pay attention to when you're trying to win. If you happen to be trying to pin a guy to the ground, the last thing that should be on your mind is "I hope is dick doesn't touch me" If you notice when a guy's dick rubs against you during a match, then you apparently have been thinking about cock the whole time and you need to think about why you joined wrestling in the first place.

I also got sick of dudes challenging me to wrestle. It was redundant and our coach(es) always told us keep that inside of the wrestling room and no wrestling in the school.

Meh, whatever, that was two years ago. I was considering wrestling for UMBC, but that just takes some dedication that I don't have currently.

Oh, yeah, my internet's back on.